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20 yr old DD being bullied at work

4 replies

helloall987 · 08/07/2025 18:06

My 20 yr old is being bullied at work by 3 women.

My DD has been working there almost 2 years and loved it until February when she moved departments and for some reason from day one these 3 older women had it in for her - I think they felt that she was a threat to them. They are all 1 grade higher than her.

She has complained to management several times but they just say these women are great loved members of staff and they wouldn't do the things or treat people the way she says they do.

Management love these women but also said to my daughter that they are scared of them so is not much they can do so she just has to be brave and strong and deal with it but they will try to find another opening for her in another department but it won't be for another 6 months at least!

My DH's friend also works in this company and last month he witnessed one of these women being mean to my DD so he put in a formal complaint and absolutely nothing has been done about it.

Things that have happened: they ask her to go and get stuff from the stationery cupboard she goes and it is locked so she has to come back to say she can't get in and on her way back one of the other women goes the other way round the building to unlock so when my DD goes back with another of the bullies it looks like it has always been unlocked.

She asks for the key so that if she gets there and is locked (like they say) she can unlock it - but they say young girls can't be trusted with keys. Only people over 30 are allowed the key!

They time her when she goes to other departments and if over 15 mins they grill her about where she has been who she has been talking to and what she has said. She often goes to the toilet for a cry. They often go on a wander for 30 mins at least.

They have tipped water on her computer keyboard and blamed her and have gone to management and said she has to drink lots of water as she is always hungover and her hands are so shaky she spills it. She doesn't ever go out in the week!!

Also they then have periods sometimes weeks of being ultra nice to her - ie ordering flowers to the office from all of them to thank her for being a great team member, telling her what a gorgeous dress she has or how lovely and clean her car looks.

She needs to leave I know but management now hate her and think she is making everything up and she is scared they will not give her a reference.

I don't understand how three women - mothers themselves can victimise someone so much. I work with alot of young people and would never ever treat them with so much disrespect.

She has alot of good colleagues as well who are trying to stick up for her but management just shut them down and say these women are long standing employees and they need to respect their elder colleagues.

OP posts:
Blurrywateryeye · 08/07/2025 19:23

Tell her to go to HR or contact ACAS. The meetings from the complaint could be used as evidence, if they were recorded. But she needs to record everything. References now days are just usually the date when she would have started to the date she finished. I did three years placement in the NHS and some women were toxic. So I understand how she feels. Good luck.

BestIntentioned · 08/07/2025 21:25

I’m so sorry @helloall987 that sounds horrendous for your poor DD.
I can only second the advice given above.

That business of the stationery cupboard keys is just evil. If other people are aware of what’s going on, how can management get away with doing nothing?

When you say ‘management’ are you talking about one person?

AnonymousCatLady3 · 08/07/2025 21:30

First off, get DD to join a union as they will be able to support her.

Make diary entries of every single thing. Get DH friend to ask why nothing has been done about his formal complaint - can he escalate it?

As PP said, talk to ACAS for help while she gets her Union membership sorted out.

And see if she can get mgt to put in writing that they can’t do anything about it - that plus her diary will help if she ends up taking them to tribunal for constructive dismissal.

I feel for her, I really do.

Embarrassingstories · 08/07/2025 22:01

She asks for the key so that if she gets there and is locked (like they say) she can unlock it - but they say young girls can't be trusted with keys. Only people over 30 are allowed the key!

This is age discrimination. Did anyone witness this? If your DD suspects she is being set up, I’d film it. I’m not suggesting she films them, but if she goes to the cupboard and it is locked, film that it is locked. I can be used to confront them or to be used at a later date. Keep a record of dates and times that these events occur. That way if she goes to HR she can hand over this information.

They sound toxic. Your DD needs to start applying for jobs and get out of there.

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