Drowning in a sea of irresponsible parenting

[Guinnessg1rl]

Hi guys, I’m a 51 year old mother and Nana with step grandchildren also.

i feel like I am drowning and want to run away from all of them, my husband and son included !

i just really need somewhere to bounce off others who may or may not have any experience with the frustrations of being ‘parents by default’ to other people’s children and having literally no say on how poorly they are doing, how detrimental their actions or should I say inactions are and it seems to be everyone these days.

I really just want to be left alone and tell everyone to just get on with it without me, don’t get me wrong I love the kids and I think that’s half the problem we love them so much we want to see them have and do better, but the way things are going I’ll be picking up the broken pieces for decades to come.

why are parents struggling to parent these days?

It depends, are both parents working? Are they struggling financially and worrying about it? How old are the children because if older they’re dealing with the screen craziness too! I’d say you struggled at their age too, but it’s difficult to remember the semantics (my youngest is 10 and I’ve forgotten the ins and outs of baby parenting)

Without knowing what the problems are it's hard to say really. I'm a similar age to you (no gc yet) and I'm sure there were good and bad parents when our kids were young too. There are probably more financial stresses on people now.

Stop helping, simple.

What do they do that's irresponsible. Could you limit your time with the GC,

So dramatic. So little context.

Say No

And where is the details? Have no idea how to reply unless you tell us how they are being irresponsible or why you are allowing it?

This isn’t normal no, 99% of parents I know are excellent.

I don't recognise any of what you are saying and there is so little detail it's impossible to offer any advice,

Do you live with these adult children? If not, then I don't quite see how you are drowning and want to run away.

Your post is vague and confusing. Are you being used as full time childcare for your grandchildren?

Instead of running away why not decide what you’re willing to do and what you aren’t and stick to it?

What bits are you missing?

Let them crack on and figure it out themselves.. they're adults, you've raised your kid/kids

Thank you all for your replies, there’s a few facets to this and I didn’t want to add too much to my OP.

firstly my son became a single father, mother alcoholic and had affair so they split forceably by ss, his new gf dislikes his kids and acts terribly towards them they are 3 and 5 like they haven’t already had it hard enough, he almost had them removed from him too as he wouldn’t acknowledge the harm to them, now the gf is calling all the shots, she is now pregnant too which is putting extra strain on things as he can’t now walk away from the relationship.

next is my husband who lets his granddaughter do what she likes she’s 10 and started staying over recently but he allows her to stay up til midnight and gives her everything she wants. Then there’s his Friend who’s daughter is the same age as DHs granddaughter who practically drags herself up as he can’t be bothered and his parents are too old to care for her, so when the two are together they are basically 2 wild kids doing whatever they want and my DH just states it’s not up to him to set boundaries, and I’m just expected to go along for the ride while having no say in anything.

just to clarify I have backed off, I was main carer for my own grandchildren until the gf came on the scene and instantly started barking orders and treating me like a slave who should do as she is told, she also drove a wedge between me and my son and husband. At the time I was looking after the kids doing all the school runs and working at night, I swapped my jobs for a day job 2 x days of the week and a nightshift job at the weekend, some of these changes were to force the other adults in the family to get a grip of their own situations.