Adult step-son and girlfriend - what ‘rent’ to charge them?

[UnableToBeTidy]

Adult DSS (early 20s) moved back in with us ‘temporarily’, earlier in the year. His girlfriend (mid-20s) stays about half the time as part of this arrangement (she/they never asked if she could, but we went with it, thinking it was only for a few months).

After realising they can’t yet afford to move out into their own place, they have asked to stay for the time being while they save more.

I am open to this; DSS lived with us (his dad and me) throughout his teens and we have a good relationship.

It’s my house, and my plan has long been to have a lodger or two as the kids move out. The house needs some work (more than I can fund out of my salary), and I want to reduce my mortgage and boost my (inadequate) retirement savings, not least because I have a long-term health condition which could narrow my work options in the future. So I’m keen to ‘monetise’ the house, which we love and which is well suited to my health condition.

So with DSS, I feel conflicted. I want to help him out by offering him somewhere to live that’s cheaper than a house-share and enables him to save - plus he’s a ‘known quantity’ - but I have financial needs too.

He (and she) paid nothing for the first few months. Then he started paying a gesture towards what he and his girlfriend consume (utilities and food) - but DP and I have been covering the shortfall. We have agreed to review the contribution arrangement now that it’s looking like a longer-term set-up.

I’ve scoured posts on here (I’ve seen everything from don’t charge adult DCs to charge them 20-30% of their take-home pay). I’ve looked on Spare Room, Money Saving Expert, etc. In our area, a small double equivalent to DSS’s room, for single occupancy and without an en suite, costs £600-£650/month. I can’t find any local double occupancy rooms on Spare Room.

Taking all this into consideration, I was thinking of charging £400/month between them, so about two thirds of market rent for a single-occupancy room. And then if they want near-exclusive use of a second small room for watching TV and home working (it’s a walkthrough room we’d need access through), I thought an extra £200/month. This £400-£600 would be for rent including bills (it works out at 11-17% of their take-home pay), then their share of groceries would be extra. Between them they earn around £50,000, her a bit more than him.

Does that seem reasonable? Given how varied responses to threads like these have been over the years, and to biological versus step-parents on here, I expect some will think I’d be over-charging and some that I’m being a mug! But I’d value some other perspectives all the same.

And is there anything else I need to consider? For example, expectations around contributing to household chores (which they have done only minimally in the time DSS has been back with us). And do we do all the discussing with DSS only? His girlfriend is painfully shy/socially anxious, rarely interacts with us unless DSS is with her, and has never asked to stay or offered to pay anything, so it’s a bit awkward.

Thanks.

Considering how much they earn it’s really generous - it should give them plenty of room to save up for their own place.

Rent wise I would look at your actual additional costs of having them plus what you need to make it worthwhile. If they weren't there would you be taking in a lodger? I would also factor in what it would cost if they lodger or rented elsewhere and try to come up with a figure that allows them to save but gives you what you need.

Chores definitely need to be split. If you are not well don't be generous on this, they could even do a bit more and you be more generous on the rent. I think it is probably giving them some options, all of which you would be happy with

If they don’t take the small room as an extra (which to me, looks disproportionately expensive compared to the bedroom), are you then not going to be able to monetise that at all? I don’t you could offer it on open market if it isn’t private. Wouldn’t it be better to offer bedroom and small room as a package?

Is the GF really living with him or just sleeping over?
If living then count her as another adult occupant.
what are your bills for a month for utilities and council tax?

I think I'd go for £500 per month between them. I wouldn't consider the extra small room in the charges.

They buy their own food too.

And a chores rota. None negotiable.

I agree with others - £500, plus chores. You can decide whether to include/exclude food. Well done for this by the way!

Agree with this.

But before you automatically agree, are they respectful? Do they clean up after themselves?

£600 a month between them with chores. Put £200 a month aside. When they are in a position to start buying you can give them back a couple of £1000 savings towards their deposit / furniture.

Have a proper adult chat before agreeing. Formalising the arrangement a bit by paying board makes it a good time to discuss how it will work. You will all effectively be adult housemates and as such everyone needs to be respectful of each others space, take their turns cleaning communal spaces, do their own laundry / dishes / organise own preferred food. Still means you can make them a Sunday lunch or ask “spag bol tonight if you want to join us?” whenever works for you.

I think £400 - £500 is fine but make sure they know it is for x amount of time and then you are going to rent it out to a lodger for £650 to help you pay for repairs around the house.
So they need to know it’s a favour and that you aren’t in a financial position to fund it forever.

Whilst I’m completely on the side of charging adult DC board, have they got a plan of how much they need to save and how much they’re saving each month to reach that goal in order for them to get their own place? If so, would you charging them board prolong that, and are you happy with them living with you for a longer period of time as long as you’re getting that money.

I would include the second room as part of the offer, not separate. £400-£500 plus groceries seems fair to me.

This is your house and you need to really put yourself first here. Your retirement will be long and hard otherwise. I would work out what I could get if I rented it to someone I didn't know. I'd also look at what this pair cost you. I would add the two together and that's the price of them staying there.

I charge my DS25 £200 a month which includes food. It’s heavily subsidised because I want him to save to buy a place but also I want him to appreciate some of the costs! I hope I’d help him with some start-up cash when he gets his own place. I’m the only parent (only one who stuck around and supported the kids) and I also support my DD at uni. It’s a lot to do - they think it is “standard”.

You will b subsidising them.n when the time ones for then to save to buy somewhere they will have an unrealistic view of how much things cost. Most people now are saying upwards of 5-65% of salary for essential needs; food, rent, bills and council tax and transport. If you charge average £500 pcm that's 10%. They will outstay their welcome. How much is the average house where they want to live? How long will it take then to save a deposit ? What would you have charged an unrelated lodger ? I'd suggest asking these questions and more before agreeing to a longer arrangement. Do they annoy you ? Will you miss your space? Are they tidy? And how much o you need for your own needs. I have had three adult children rent and they pay 30% of salary including food and no partners allowed. And no I don't save anything for them. Cost of living is expensive.

Id much rather have a step son in a stable relationship that a stranger lodger bringing back internet randoms potentially

I'd simplify it and just say £300 each all in. They're each, separately, responsible.