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5 replies

Emm220884 · 09/06/2025 12:11

Please bear with me, this is long and confusing:
In May this year on the advice of social care and school, I removed my nephew from my sister and BIL's care. He's 18.
There seems to have been a very troubled, difficult few years between them. He has gone from being the best of the best in their eyes, to being thrown out repeatedly. He has become violent and drinks "to forget and cope".
He's previously left 3 times before this and every time my sister has demanded him home. On the 3rd occasion he asked to be removed and admitted he'd been suicidal.
This time, I collected him after him twice running away and me going to find him. Social care agreed that to get him through his A levels this was the best route. School agreed.
I have spent days researching support for them all. Him to have someone to talk to, my sis and BIL to get support to be able to manage him and their other daughter and to begin putting their family back together.
No one wants to do anything, they won't even call to get support (both very professional, intelligent people).
My nephew is manipulative, rude and thinks he can pull the wool over everyone's eyes. He wants everything is own way. There's been no boundaries and now he's 18 he thinks he can do what he likes, living in someone else's home and ruining 5 other lives.

What would you do? How do you manage this? I suspect there is a neurological issue. He refuses any support and just wants to go to uni and never to return in September. His parents are funding accommodation and a small weekly budget.

OP posts:
PanicPanicc · 09/06/2025 12:56

What happened for his relationship with his parents to go downhill so fast? Besides the teenage years, I suppose.

You didn’t say exactly what he’s doing to ruin other 5 lives so I can’t suggest anything on that, but your options are either having him move out or trying to coast til he’s off to uni.

He’s a guest though so I don’t think you have to put up with any abuse. Sometimes people (teenagers included) need to fall on their faces and get humbled to be a little more appreciative.

Emm220884 · 09/06/2025 18:16

No one really knows what has happened between him and his parents. No one will be honest. We have half stories that as soon as you question them they change the story. It's literally impossible.

He is disrupting 5 other lives due to not being able to live by rules set, causing conflict, manipulating, going missing, drinking.

It's like he lost respect for his parents so he is choosing to treat everyone in the same way dispute being given the option of moving in with us or having to go to the council for housing.

He unfortunately needs counselling which he is refusing, support for his physical violence and his drinking. He is refusing them all, but is deemed to have capacity to make his own decisions.

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ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 09/06/2025 18:53

I removed my nephew from my sister and BIL's care. He's 18.

Is it more ‘my 18 year old adult nephew left home and is now staying with me’?

You can’t ‘remove’ anyone.

If he’s behaving badly, tell him he can’t stay with you.

Is he revising for his exams now? I am not up to date with when exactly the exams are.

TomatoSandwiches · 09/06/2025 18:58

You don't have to house him, you have a choice of removing him from YOUR home, let him leave. He only gets to stay upon the rules and boundaries you set being adhered to and stick to it.

Emm220884 · 09/06/2025 20:34

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 09/06/2025 18:53

I removed my nephew from my sister and BIL's care. He's 18.

Is it more ‘my 18 year old adult nephew left home and is now staying with me’?

You can’t ‘remove’ anyone.

If he’s behaving badly, tell him he can’t stay with you.

Is he revising for his exams now? I am not up to date with when exactly the exams are.

Unfortunately not, he was removed on Social cares advice.
Possibly him leaving and running away would leave him out of my way but living on the streets. Considering there is already a huge drink problem that would not be a good place for him to be in.

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