Is it just me?

[inabitofatizz123]

Hi all

just a bit of a rant. Maybe I’m overreacting here but I’d welcome your thoughts/feedback on my dilemma.
so we have 3 DDS all left home/independent and everything is going great generally in the grand scheme of things. Whenever there’s a birthday or celebration within the family though our eldest is the one posting photos of her and her husband’s family with their children (our grandchildren) on social media. Recently our middle DD got married and it was the same-all of the family in pics except me and their dad. We do the lion share in childcare but feel ignored on special occasions. It comes to light after a celebration when all of the family are sought out and pictured together and we notice we are not included. It’s the same with birthdays. I feel ignored and not acknowledged but in laws are photographed and posted on social media whereas i feel invisible. Help! Am I overthinking this?

If you’ve got good relationships with them generally, I’m pleased to say I think you’re massively overthinking this. Just mention to them that you’d love to see some of the pics with all of you together on SM - I imagine they’d be horrified to think you’d felt invisible.

I don’t post photos of any relatives my parents’ generation or above as (a) some are a bit sniffy about social media & wouldn’t approve (b) some aren’t active on SM and wouldn’t notice or care (c) most of them whinge all the time about how unphotogenic they are and how awful it is to see pictures of themselves - and it’s hard to know whether they really mean they don’t want their photos anywhere, or whether it’s just self-deprecating Boomer chat 🤣

If they told me it would mean a lot to them for me to post pics with them in, I’d be more than happy to!

ETA: that’s weird about the in-laws - but makes me all the more curious about whether you might have a reputation for being camera shy. What if you suggested a pic all together rather than waiting to be sought out and invited?

I would bring it up - I don’t see why I’d include my in laws but not my own parents, really.

Do you like having your photo taken? We have a couple of relatives who make such a huge fuss of tou try to photograph them that it makes everyone feel awkward and the event sort of pauses whilst they listen to the negotiations.

I just posted about my DS not having any interest in me as he doesn’t need to ‘impress’ me. I think it’s called taken for granted and unconditional love. But that’s how I would see this. It hurts. A lot!

Thanks for all of your supportive replies with this one. I do the most for our DDs and their father (we divorced when they were little) isn’t in their lives -except for big occasions. His birthday and recent Father’s Day saw pics of him with the DDS which they posted. I on the other hand have to ask for a photo together on my birthday. I know it probably sounds petty but it hurts like hell.

It's not petty and you are not overthinking. If you are feeling excluded then you should say something. Perhaps next time there is an event and the photos are posted just ask what has happened to ones with you. How often do you look after the grandchildren compared to the other grandparents? Be less available when you are asked again. I understand it is difficult but you need to tell them how you feel. Good luck.