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Will pet ownership hold DC back from moving out?

15 replies

Saracen · 20/05/2025 22:48

DC is 18 with a learning disability and a mental age of about 12. I envision she will be able to live independently in due course with just a bit of help from afar. It's hard to predict exactly when that might be - not within three or four years, I shouldn't think, but certainly by the age of 30. She's welcome to live with us as long as she needs, and then maybe a flat share.

Six years ago she got her first pets, a pair of lovely ferrets. They are ideal for her personality. She does a fantastic job of looking after them with some backup from me. She has been crazy about ferrets ever since. Ferrets typically live 6-8 years. Ten is a ripe old age.

I've mentioned to DC regularly that most young adults don't manage to keep pets because most landlords won't allow it. I don't want this to come as a shock to her! I've speculated to her that her best chance of living with pets once she has moved out of our house is to lodge with a pet-loving landlord or eventually buy her own place. But realistically she may have to wait a long time.

Whenever she moves out, I'm quite prepared to keep any remaining ferrets she may have until they reach they end of their lives. I wouldn't have let her get them otherwise. We made sure to get pets I expected to like, and I took their lifespan into account. I've reassured her about this.

We currently have one left, which is six years old. Following the recent death of its companion, I mentioned to a relative that I thought we'd keep this one alone until it dies, because it took nearly a year for it to get used to the other one we brought home from the shelter, which was meant to have been company for it! I don't want to put it through that prolonged stress again. People say that ideally ferrets shouldn't be kept alone, but it seems to be happy enough to make do with human attention. I also mentioned to the relative that after this ferret dies, we thought we'd get a young, well-bonded pair. (Sadly, the refuge is overflowing with ferrets, so finding some is easy.)

My relative was shocked at the idea of us ever acquiring more ferrets, especially young ones. "But your daughter won't be able to leave home!!" I admit they may have a point. I hadn't anticipated that possibility. I just sort of assumed DC would naturally want to move out and then we would keep her pets. That's what has happened with all the other young adults I've known, including my sister and me. But it's true that DC loves her pets very deeply indeed. Perhaps her attachment to them would keep her at home long after she should have moved out?

It isn't an urgent question, but I am starting to turn it over in my mind. Any thoughts?

OP posts:
Saracen · 20/05/2025 22:50

I guess one obvious option would be to get older ones which wouldn't live so long. But, more medical issues and more heartbreak 😪

OP posts:
Summer92x · 20/05/2025 22:52

When you say independently, are you imagining a spare room type flat share, or somewhere more along the lines of semi supported accommodation?

I don’t think it would be impossible to get a private rented flat/house that would accept ferrets. Spare room maybe hit and miss, could limit options but could be fine. It might be more difficult if you’re thinking more supported accommodation (but this is a guess from me).

Summer92x · 20/05/2025 22:53

My vote would be get the ferrets you all want by the way! You’ve got them staying with you as a back up

Saracen · 20/05/2025 23:05

Spare room type flat share. She won't need supported living. ATM she lacks maturity but time will fix that. The only essential skills which I think she may never fully acquire are things like budgeting (can I afford to live on x amount a month, how much should I spend on a phone contract etc etc - but if someone helps her create a budget she could stick to it), and complex issues such as understanding a tenancy agreement or knowing her employment rights.

They are all the sort of things which I (and her older sibling) can help her with from afar.

OP posts:
Summer92x · 20/05/2025 23:12

Oh definitely just get the ferrets and enjoy them, you’ve got lots of time to find somewhere that’s right! It might be hard but I don’t think impossible. There has been changes in what restrictions landlords can put in for pets as well in recent years.

Gingerkittykat · 21/05/2025 01:13

I think one of the main reasons DD moved out of student accommodation was to be with our cats, especially the 12-year-old who had slept on her bed every night since he was 8 weeks old.

She is away for a couple of days right now and has already phoned me to tell me she is missing her cats!

It might be a good idea to put your DD on some council and housing association waiting lists. She might get a place when she is ready to move out and will be able to take her pets too!

Saracen · 21/05/2025 18:16

Yes, it's tricky isn't it?! Well, hopefully our remaining beastie will be with us for a few years more and I'll have time to mull it over!

OP posts:
IberianBlackout · 21/05/2025 21:04

If she has a disability wouldn’t she be able to get a place through the council? That way she’d probably be able to keep her pets with her, especially seeing as it’s not a pet that will (presumably) be disturbing any communal areas.

TatteredAndTorn · 21/05/2025 22:04

Hasn’t the law changed and you now can’t insist that tenants can’t have pets without good reason?

https://commonslibrary.parliament.uk/can-my-landlord-prevent-me-from-keeping-a-pet/

BunnyRuddington · 23/05/2025 06:44

I would just get the pets but be prepared to look after them if she moves out and I say this as a Mum to a DD if a similar age who is diagnosed as AuDHD Flowers

Saracen · 23/05/2025 22:55

TatteredAndTorn · 21/05/2025 22:04

Hasn’t the law changed and you now can’t insist that tenants can’t have pets without good reason?

https://commonslibrary.parliament.uk/can-my-landlord-prevent-me-from-keeping-a-pet/

Well... that's the theory. I don't think it will be too hard for landlords to get around it. They would ask her at the outset if she wants to keep a pet. She would say yes, because she is not capable of lying. The landlord would then find a reason not to rent to her.

OP posts:
Saracen · 23/05/2025 22:57

BunnyRuddington · 23/05/2025 06:44

I would just get the pets but be prepared to look after them if she moves out and I say this as a Mum to a DD if a similar age who is diagnosed as AuDHD Flowers

Yes, I'm not concerned that the pet would be left in the lurch or that I would be unable/unwilling to look after them in her absence.

What concerns me is the idea that DC might feel unable to move out, because she could not bear to be parted from them.

OP posts:
BunnyRuddington · 24/05/2025 07:59

If she matures enough to be able to live independently then I think that she would be mature enough to rationalise leaving the pets with you?

I think you might be better asking in the SN Chat section though for some more opinions. The helpful MNers in there can talk to you about helping her make the decision to move, what help is available and the pros and cons of independent living versus supported accommodation Flowers

Dstoat · 24/05/2025 08:15

Ferrets stink and can be really destructive. They’d be a hard sell to a landlord. Just keep the one you’ve got and then focus on getting your daughter independent.

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