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Parents of adult children

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Original poster

DS 25 not working

42 replies

Yellowfreesias69 · 20/05/2025 11:30

DS, 25 is not working and doesn't seem that bothered. He is fairly bright, has 10 GCSEs, 3 A Levels and has passed Levels 2, 3 and 4 Accounting exams but applies for jobs, doesn't hear back and gives up. He finished sixth form, did college for 3 years and then lockdown struck. He managed to pass his driving test in all the post lockdown backlog but has no social life, no job, savings etc. I wonder if he needs some counselling for his anxiety, or just tough love which I am useless at. I know it's probably our bad parenting, too soft on him etc but things have been hard. My Mum had a terminal cancer diagnosis, I looked after her for a year before she died last autumn and my DH has long covid and is struggling. No excuses, but we've just taken our eye off the ball and its too long for him just to be in limbo. Kind advice would be very welcome.

OP posts:
Hallywally · 20/05/2025 16:05

Oh come on OP, barring significant health problems, he’s far too old to not be working and having such a passive attitude/not making much effort. He is he even applying jobs? He needs to sign on first of all. I didn’t tolerate my 18 year old being a bum after he dropped out to of college & I certainly wouldn’t tolerate it from a 25 year old. I was a single working parent at that age. He definitely needs some tough love/a kick up the arse.

Daisymay2 · 21/05/2025 08:43

i am surprised that he is struggling to get a job in the accountancy field, assuming that the exams he passed are AAT. In this part of the world most firms are struggling to recruit.
You might be right about some help for his anxiety.

Cynic17 · 21/05/2025 08:45

He needs to claim Jobseekers Allowance - partly because the Job Centre will push him to make applications, but also so that he gets his NIC credited. At the moment, he is missing out and there will be an impact when he does retire.

Musicaltheatremum · 23/05/2025 12:51

My 35 year old son in law left nursing as he was miserable in November, was working in Tesco's in December and started training as a bus driver in January. It's not where he wants to be but he's working and earning money.

BunnyRuddington · 24/05/2025 08:07

Did he work PT whilst at college? In our experience employers want to send a strong work ethic.

I think it’s time to tell him that it’s ok to live at yours but it’s time to start being an active member of society.

I would tell him that as of Monday he needs to start claiming UC.

Has he tried all of the entry level jobs like B&M or MacDonalds or is he only looking for work related to his course?

At this point he just needs a job, any job and start earning some money, working towards living independently and contributing to his pension.

Araminta1003 · 24/05/2025 08:14

I would be most concerned with the lack of social life. At this age they need friends and contact with those same age so they do the same milestones, appropriate for that age. So he needs to start joining sports/park run/gym and at least volunteer to get out of the house and meet people. To get through a job interview you need an energy that shows you are participating in life and have a get up and go.
A lot of 25 year olds were shafted by Covid and lost the link to the pulse of their generation. He has qualifications, past his driving test, he just needs to reconnect with age appropriate peers.

SomethingFun · 24/05/2025 08:23

Could he go to university as a mature student? He might struggle to get even entry level jobs with no recent work experience and massive gaps on his cv. Or voluntary work to get him doing something to talk about. Maybe be could do accounts for very small
local charities or community groups.

As people say he needs to be in the system to claim NI contributions as he’s potentially 7 years worth behind now (18-25). It’s not helping him being nice you need to be kind - he’s 5 years off 30, he can’t be doing a bit of gardening for his grandparents forever.

Tbrh · 24/05/2025 08:47

If he's not working, then his other option is training/further education or volunteer work. Choposnh not to work isn't an option

BunnyRuddington · 24/05/2025 08:51

Tbrh · 24/05/2025 08:47

If he's not working, then his other option is training/further education or volunteer work. Choposnh not to work isn't an option

Who is Choposnh? Grin

Chloe793 · 24/05/2025 08:53

He's probably a bit lost and doesn't really know what to do next, he's probably losing confidence every time he applies for a job and gets nowhere. I think part of the problem is that kids think they'll just do their course and that that will be enough to walk into a job - and it often isn't.

I told DS if he went to uni then he needed to be working part time to have that experience on his cv, that he needed to be involved in leading/running a relevant uni society by the end of his time at uni and he needed to have worked on his own projects and have a Git hub full of them (comp sci). He also needed to be spending his summers working or doing something relevant. Just having some qualifications in not enough IMO, there is huge competition and you have to find ways to stand out. Employers want experience of team work and leadership skills and you need a wide range of experiences to make yourself sound interesting at interview.

Interviews also need a lot of prep - how prepared is he for interview? Is he researching the companies? Is he keeping abreast of developments in his field? Is he making sure he knows the core values of the places he is applying to? Is he using the STAR method to answer questions? Is he preparing and practising answers to a range of popular questions? Is he looking at questions he has been asked previously at interview and thinking about how he could answer them better next time?

I went through all this with DS when he was 17 as I encouraged him to apply for degree apprenticeships and they are also very competitive. I had 'encouraged' him into getting involved in a lot of relevant things in his last couple years at school and those were a big part of him landing himself one.

I think your DS really needed a lot more support from someone after finishing his courses, Covid ended a long time ago now and it sounds like he hasn't really done anything. That is really problematic on a CV and means things only get more and more difficult.

I don't really understand accountancy qualifications - is a level 4 equal to a first year of a degree? If so I'd say at this point his best bet is probably going to university and making sure he is getting lots of other experiences alongside to really fill out his CV. He knows now how hard it is to get a job so please tell him that this is what he needs to be doing to compete - it's not always obvious to kids (or even 25 year olds!).

DrummingMousWife · 24/05/2025 08:57

Parky04 · 20/05/2025 13:14

My DS25 was recently made redundant. He now works full time in Sainsbury's until he finds something else. There is no excuse for a healthy 25 year old not to be working!

This.
he will find it hard to get a job the longer he leaves it.

BunnyRuddington · 24/05/2025 09:23

Chloe793 · 24/05/2025 08:53

He's probably a bit lost and doesn't really know what to do next, he's probably losing confidence every time he applies for a job and gets nowhere. I think part of the problem is that kids think they'll just do their course and that that will be enough to walk into a job - and it often isn't.

I told DS if he went to uni then he needed to be working part time to have that experience on his cv, that he needed to be involved in leading/running a relevant uni society by the end of his time at uni and he needed to have worked on his own projects and have a Git hub full of them (comp sci). He also needed to be spending his summers working or doing something relevant. Just having some qualifications in not enough IMO, there is huge competition and you have to find ways to stand out. Employers want experience of team work and leadership skills and you need a wide range of experiences to make yourself sound interesting at interview.

Interviews also need a lot of prep - how prepared is he for interview? Is he researching the companies? Is he keeping abreast of developments in his field? Is he making sure he knows the core values of the places he is applying to? Is he using the STAR method to answer questions? Is he preparing and practising answers to a range of popular questions? Is he looking at questions he has been asked previously at interview and thinking about how he could answer them better next time?

I went through all this with DS when he was 17 as I encouraged him to apply for degree apprenticeships and they are also very competitive. I had 'encouraged' him into getting involved in a lot of relevant things in his last couple years at school and those were a big part of him landing himself one.

I think your DS really needed a lot more support from someone after finishing his courses, Covid ended a long time ago now and it sounds like he hasn't really done anything. That is really problematic on a CV and means things only get more and more difficult.

I don't really understand accountancy qualifications - is a level 4 equal to a first year of a degree? If so I'd say at this point his best bet is probably going to university and making sure he is getting lots of other experiences alongside to really fill out his CV. He knows now how hard it is to get a job so please tell him that this is what he needs to be doing to compete - it's not always obvious to kids (or even 25 year olds!).

Edited

As I understand it Accountancy isn’t like other professions. Lots of Accountancy firms aren’t interested in applicants with degrees in Accountancy.

shadypines · 25/05/2025 14:40

Hi OP, I had similar with my DS , also mid twenties for quite a few years. DH and I got to end of tether and verbally 'shoved' him to the job centre and meanwhile to get himself some voluntary work. . Obviously a paid job is the ideal but at least with voluntary work he is getting out a bit more, making some contacts and it's also good on the CV and simply general life skills. It's tough going but he'll eventually get there, sounds like he has a lot of good points. Re the social side though, not everyone is naturally social, my DS still struggles with this even though he now works full time. Hope you find some help here and things improve.

tinyspiny · 25/05/2025 14:43

Get him to sign up with some agencies for temp accounting jobs , it will make it easier for him to get a ft job if he has some actual experience .

BunnyRuddington · 25/05/2025 14:49

I hope you’ve managed to talk to him and pointed out that signing on is not optional anymore.

Mossstitch · 25/05/2025 14:52

Rather than it being confrontational I would explain what @Cynic17 has said, that he needs to sign on to get his national insurance credits for the future then they will push him. One of mine was slow to get off the ground, eventually the job centre organised a 6 month paid placement which helped him get started👍

ByZanyRubyOrca · 26/05/2025 03:39

You need to give tough love. 25 isn’t young, it’s five years away from 30. Living at home is fine but he needs a job and needs to pay his way. Even any part time job at this point is better than no job. He’s a grown man. Stop babying him, he needs to accept responsibility and act like an adult.

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