Learning to drive (in my car)

[Usernoabcdef]

So dd has her test in a couple of weeks, I’ve just insured her on my car for a bit of extra practice.

I seriously need coping strategies. I am a wreck, how do other parents do this?

She has been having lessons since October, her driving instructor has booked in extra lessons to get her there (thinks she’s almost there, not quite).

We are just past the point of not being able to change the date, I have reassured her that not many pass first time & that if she doesn’t pass the test will help give a better idea of what needs practicing.

But, clearly I am a nervous passenger. How can I help both with supporting dd & my nerves?

I have been taking my child out for about an hour a week since end of March. I'm getting a bit more relaxed each time. That's all I can say to help really - just give it time. Fwiw, I hate my dh's driving - I feel he's always too close to the car in front and always right on the speed limit etc etc, and if we go out together nowadays, the agreement is that I drive, because he gets so angry when I clutch the seat involuntarily, or suck my breath in out of horror. I don't feel that frightened with my child!

When I learnt to drive my mum went out with me and the instructor one lesson. So she knew what to look out for and so we were all on same page on how to do manouvers and things. Would that be an option?

I've only recently passed and I wouldn't reccomend introducing a new car to your DD this close to her test if she is doing her test in her instructor's car. My instructor's car was a diesel and my car is petrol, I stalled my car loads when I first started taking it out and found it totally different to drive and park. Then I got used to my car during the week and found it difficult to adjust to my instructor's car again.

I decided to book in as many extra last minute lessons as I could in my instructor's car and left my car until I passed. I passed first time then got out and about in my car as much as possible.

As for being a nervous passenger, remember if you are visibly nervous, she will pick up on that and it will make her nervous. I had to tell my mum off for it when I first took her out as she was putting me off!

Good luck to your DD!

Oh and my instructor came out with me for a ride in my car after I had passed to make sure I was happy and safe before I went off on my own. He went back to basics with how to start off which helped the stalling issue. Is this something your DD's instructor would do? You could then sit in the back and observe.

@Fiver555 ,fingers crossed Ill become more confident. I think she drives too close to parked cars, being my side, a couple of other errors with observation. Best wishes with DC’s test.

@CrushingOnRubies Thats a really good call. I think that would help settle my nerves & help me understand what dd needs improvement on. I probably won’t be able before her test (she usually has her lessons while I’m at work) but will definitely ask/set time aside if she needs to do a retest.

@IkeaMeatballGravy Thank you. I did consider the change in car. One of the reasons I had included her was that mine is not too dissimilar, 1.2 petrol etc. I have discussed leaving it till after this test. The last thing I want to do is discourage her. I’ve suggested lessons even when she passes, particularly motorways etc.

My ds is doing his test in a couple of weeks - we’ve been doing between 2-10 hours a week practice plus a lesson a week for months - I’m so over it, but he keeps piling on the pressure for more practice. He’s still making mistakes. He doesn’t take feedback well - wants to be told he’s a really great driver - we all make mistakes and have to acknowledge and learn from them - he’d rather be told it doesn’t matter. I’m sure if he fails he’ll blame it on dh and I for not doing enough practice with him.

I’ve got all this to come with DS2 when he turns 17 later this year. I was absolutely fine with DS1, he just has such an air of confidence and sensibility about him when it comes to driving, and I never really worried about being a passenger when he was learning. He’s also a “proper” driver, so 3 years since passing he’s had no incidents and from day one has driven long distances.

DS2, well he’s a totally different kettle of fish. I think I’ll be a wreck IF I can even bring myself to take him out to practise. He’s very sensible, so no worries there, but a ball of anxiousness and I think that’ll make him riskier.

So I’m also here for the tips in advance!

@Sleeplessinmetal Not enough practice! He can’t possibly blame you, you’re far braver than me. Let’s hope they both pass 🤞 You have my sympathy, I’m so over it already

Personally, I think you're too late to start teaching them now in a different car now that the test is only a couple of weeks away. Leave well alone as you may make things worse by ruining her confidence and confusing her with how a different car "feels".

When I taught my son to drive, we were going out for a few months before he started taking professional lessons. He was already pretty confident and knew most things, and was pretty safe by the time "proper" lessons started. We only used an instructor for the "fine tuning" and for things that had changed since I took my test decades ago, and to check I hadn't given him bad habits - maybe 8-10 lessons in total including the hour before the test! But once he started using the instructors car, I stopped taking him out in ours for a while, so he could get accustomed to it, gain confidence in it, etc., and not get confused with different cars. After maybe half a dozen lessons, I started taking him out in ours again, and he adapted well to being in different cars as he'd gained confidence in both, and could "flip" easily between them.

Given the test is only two weeks away and presumably she's not driven your car before and you've not given her any "tuition", I'd really leave well alone.

@familyissues12345 You’re welcome here. Actually wish I started a thread prior to this so you have a head start already 🙂
I think CrushingOnRubies idea was really helpful. If I thought of it I definitely would have joined dd for a lesson.
YouTube is good too for the routes the examiners take in their tests too.

@taxguru I took her to my work car park in my car before any lessons to give her a head start so I thought it wouldn’t be new to her. Do you mind me asking where you took yours initially if they had no lessons before being out on the road? Did you take them around locally or is there a location nearby to practice? I just thought it would be helpful for others.
I do agree it’s probably too late now, it’s finding that balance. If she doesn’t pass I have her insured for a month so will try to take her out a bit more then & renew if necessary.
Personally I didn’t have the confidence to take her out earlier.

I used to take ds out in our ford focus estate (diesel) while he had lessons in his instructors mini (petrol). He switched between the cars pretty seamlessly and I think it really helped him become more confident in handling a car, sensing when to change gears etc.

Modern(ish) cars with all their hill assist etc features make them much easier to switch between than they were when I learned (back in the days when we had to manually adjust the choke on hill starts!)

It was really nerve wracking taking him out, not only with me as a nervous passenger, but him also being more nervous with me there. Initially I drove to quiet places he felt most comfortable driving in during his lessons.

I tried not to intervene at all while he was practicing so not to make him nervous - I would just say to him to drive from home to various landmarks (gym, tesco, around the one way system etc etc) then I would try to relax. Or if I needed to go somewhere I would get him to come with me and do the driving so he got little bits of practice often instead of just driving about for an hour - I think than helped too. His dad couldn't do it at all they just ended up just arguing with each other.

I didn't correct anything I thought he was doing wrong unless dangerous (that was his instructors job) and I kept to places where he wouldn't get above 40mph, or any slip roads 🙈, as I don't think my nerves would have coped!

@Usernoabcdef

Do you mind me asking where you took yours initially if they had no lessons before being out on the road? Did you take them around locally or is there a location nearby to practice? I just thought it would be helpful for others.

First time was our football stadium site which has a service road running around it and a couple of car parks, so he could literally just drive round and round, no other cars at all, on non match day evenings, which was good for changing up/down gears and stop/starting, without thinking about junctions and other traffic.

Then large supermarket park car park on Sunday evening when the shops were closed to start doing more turning, reversing, parking, etc., again, no other cars around.

After doing that a couple of times, it was just on normal roads, normal driving etc., once he'd got the "controls" side of the car sorted, then we moved on to dealing with other cars, junctions, roundabouts, etc.

I think it's important that they practice the controls, gears, steering, stop/starts away from other traffic so they don't have to worry about anyone else and can just concentrate on the controls.

I passed my test at 37 years old in 2021! I had lessons in my instructors Ford fiesta and was then took to practice multiple times a week in my dads Citroen C3, my husbands Renault Laguna, my sisters Evoque and my own Peugeot 107! On the morning of my test my instructor rang to say his Fiesta had broken down and I was to take my test in a Seat Arona! The change in cars, I believe, helped me and wasn’t an hindrance.

I can’t help with how to be a good ‘instructor’ because I would be rubbish at it but I just think patience patience patience.

Thank you. I completely agree. I think for me, the car park was relatively small. A football stadium sounds way better, realistically we couldn’t get past 2nd gear.
Thank you for your help! 🙂.

@taxguru I missed the quoting x