How to not interfere when your adult child makes mistakes

[Tobbay]

Hi , I am really struggling with my twenty one year old son. Ive brought up my Sons to ne active and have a good balance in life, with being active, being outside, relaxing, working etc...he has always needed lots of activity and variety in his day as he has ADHD.

For the last 2yrs, he has basically not left the house because his girlfriend stays in her dressing gown all day and doesn't leave the room (at hers and ours). He has also cut off all of his friends because they were getting into trouble, so that was a great choice.

He used to come in the garden or out for a walk every day, he now doesn't leave his room. He works from there, eats up there and gets no sunlight or exercise.

I'm struggling to stop telling him to get outside for a while or meet new people, as I can see him becoming more angry, more isolated and lonely. He's better when his girlfriend isnt here but I can't stop her coming because that's the only friend he has.

What I'm asking is... should I stop asking him to get outside/walk/leave the room/leave the house and let him damage his mental health and physical health?
He gets really cross and says it's up to him, but I know that he wants much more in life, but is struggling how to do that.
I'm aware that I'm annoying but it's so hard to watch a talented, fit your man fester in a hot bedroom.

Or is it acceptable to say this as he is still living at home?

ND or not, I would be interfering.

Sitting in a dark room all day every day will ruin his mental health, he's probably already depressed because of it. I wrecked my own mental health over the winter by staying indoors to much.
You can't really make him go out, but I'd be asking him and his girlfriend to find theor own place.

The son used to work

op steadfastly ignoring how this pair now get money

PDA aside, if you tell him to leave, he needs to.

Just the language that you are using to describe the situation is enablement.

I said he works from home, never said "used"

If you have nothing nice to say, why are putting effort in to make unkind and unhelpful comments..

To be fair even in this reply you’re not addressing how they support themselves as a couple.

Unfortunately I think sometimes the label ND allows for a lot of disrespect and misbehaviour. There’s a lot of scope within someone being ND, it doesn’t mean they should be getting away with everything they feel like doing (and in a way, it’s down to you to not enable it).

My DP is ND and he’s very self sufficient because he’s had no choice but to be. In a sink or swim situation most young adults will find their way. Allowing him to just fester holed up in his room isn’t doing him any favours.

Maybe increase whatever board you charge and limit visits? If they want to live like that they can do it… elsewhere.

has he any siblings that could try and encourage him to go with them? I know someone who was like him and it turned out they were afraid to go out. Parents were outstanding and kept at her to go for a walk but promised she could turn back at any time. They were gentle but persistent. She now goes all over the world and is so happy her parents preserved. Best of luck