How to help DD

[Firstshoes]

DD19 has always had quite poor self esteem. She has been diagnosed with OCD and anxiety in the past. Last year she met an older man and they started a relationship. He is 10 years older and it was her first proper relationship. He said all the right things and treated her well so despite our initial reservations about the age gap we accepted him for her sake. She has recently found out he has cheated. He's not been as available or as loving as before. She was adamant this was it and she would break up with him. Unfortunately she won't stop contacting him. He is not treating her well and she knows this but he's like a drug and she won't cut him off. She has loads of support and advice but she is findiñg the heartbreak too much to deal with and the only thing that makes her feel better is talking to him and seeing him. He isn't even making an effort or showing remorse. No matter what advice I give her she is taking no notice. I know he will hurt her more and more and it's so painful to watch. What can we do to help?

I'm so sorry. Watching your daughter go through something like this, especially when you know she deserves better, is incredibly painful. It sounds like she’s stuck in a really strong emotional loop. And with her history of anxiety and OCD, that attachment can feel almost addictive. Right now, even though she knows he’s not treating her well, the temporary relief of contact probably feels like the only thing that soothes the heartbreak. The most powerful thing you can do is exactly what you’re already doing: staying close, showing her unconditional support, and reminding her that you're there no matter what. Keep gently validating how hard this is, and when she's ready, you can help her take small steps, even something like going a day without messaging him, and encourage her to speak with someone who can support her through the deeper layers of this. It might take time, but your steady presence is more valuable than you know.