adult daughter pushing away

[mywhy]

My recently "turned adult" daughter has been pushing me away over the last 8 years. However, she will go places with her father who is verbally abusive to me & at times her. Her father, a NPD I believe, is very emotionally & verbally abusive to me the last 17 yrs. Her refusal to do things w/me hurts so much due to the unfairness. I tell her but she denies doing it & accuses me of always being angry. I do get hurt & angry bc it has been going on progressively. Any articles or books on subject would be most appreciated.

It’s normal for teenagers to start pushing their parents away.

Have you told her what you thibk about her Dad?

so you are not alway angry? I feel very sorry for her being raised though all this so maybe she is just plain fed up, so maybe counselling will help you work through your part in her chilhood and her father

You need to act like someone she would want to spend time with.
She doesn't have to do it to be 'fair', especially if you're always angry with her!

You can't control the relationship she choses to have with her father. No matter what you think and feel about him and what he has done. She is an adult and its her choice. You might not like it or understand why she wants a relationship with him but its not for you to dictate. You need to let that go and stop taking your anger over it out on her. Seriously. Find a way to be okay with it or you will lose her for good. Stop being stroppy about the unfairness of it and work on yourself and your own relationship with her. Its not a competition.

I would suggest some counselling of some sort to work through why you feel you can't let this go and why it bothers you so much.

If you can put the stuff with her father aside you will be a better and nicer person for her to be around. If you are often angry about the time she spends with her father why the hell would she want to be around you?

I am sorry you had such a shit relationship but you need to nip this in the bud now or she will continue to push you away.

Good Luck

Are you always angry?

Thank you for your input. Yes, it is very difficult for my daughter in such a strained parental relationship. I've tried to defend her since she was a toddler from the bullying from my husband & his family over the year's. No, I'm not always angry. She & I had a really close relationship until puberty. Yes, i understand the pulling away. I've been in counseling a long time due to daily verbal abuse from my very controlling, aggressive German husband & no original family in the EU. They both started counseling about 1 yr ago. I know I can't change or dictate my daughter being with her father.

If she is taking on some of his narcissist behaviours and characteristics you will need specialised advice and may need to look to set some boundaries you have in your relationship with her. Check out Dr Peter Salerno on you tube and instagram.

@mywhy is leaving not an option? Why do you feel you have to stay with him?

Do you actually want to spend time with her, or are you just focused on the "unfairness"?

Are you living with her DF? It’s hard to tell if the daily abuse from him is because you live together or he’s getting at you another way?

If you are loving together, why?

Having you and her being living with someone who is abusive? If this is the case then you have failed to protect your child from abuse which is very basic parenting. The poor women is going to be very fucked up.