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Ds behaviour changing and escalating, arrested for assault?

7 replies

Onlythemother · 09/04/2025 06:42

Ds is 25, lives in a city an hour.
We're in contact throughout the week via WhatsApp, surface stuff, wordle results, how's the dog etc
We see each other once or twice a month.

We found out through a friend's son that ds had been arrested for assault a month ago, and the charges were dropped.

This is the second time in 6 months that we know where he has been in an altercation and police involved.
Last year he was jumped by a man coming home from a night out, so he punched him in the face which knocked him out. The police came and he was held but released without charge.

He told us sometime last year he has a problem with anger where he feels like he can't control himself screaming at people, and he's lost friends because of what he's said in that moment.

We offered to get him counselling but he minimised it, said he'd been feeling tired and hungry when he spoke to us.

He says it's none of our business, he doesn't want to worry us but of course we do, especially now that it's escalated to actually being arrested.

He used to be a friendly, charming character but we've noticed a change over the last year, especially when he drinks, a mean, arrogant argumentative side.

I want to say something to him about looking at how he's behaving and does he need help, to but I don't know how to approach him.

OP posts:
Miloarmadillo2 · 09/04/2025 07:39

Any suspicion that drugs are involved? Bodybuilding/gym obsession?
You need to hear his side of it.

Onlythemother · 09/04/2025 07:47

Miloarmadillo2 · 09/04/2025 07:39

Any suspicion that drugs are involved? Bodybuilding/gym obsession?
You need to hear his side of it.

Possibly drugs, not gym obsession. We do suspect gambling as well. I just don't know what to do for the best. It feels like it's too late, if he was 17 we'd still be parenting him.

OP posts:
Miloarmadillo2 · 09/04/2025 07:52

It must be very hard to watch it unfold. Tell him you are concerned, offer to help with anger management, addiction support if that’s a factor. Hopefully police being involved again is a wake up call and he may be ready to get some help.

Onlythemother · 09/04/2025 07:55

It is yes, thank you.

That's a good idea, last time we offered "counselling" but in hindsight it was too general and unfocused.

OP posts:
Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 09/04/2025 12:58

Probably drugs. It’s so common nowadays unfortunately, especially when going out is involved. Is he a pubby type of person?

Onlythemother · 09/04/2025 18:38

He does like going out a lot.

I've spoken to him today, he reassured me the arrest was dropped because it involved a made up accusation by someone else. He didn't elaborate, I didn't ask as I know he's had ongoing issues with a neighbour so assuming it's him. If that's even the full story.

Offered him support ie money and finding a therapist at any time, he says he's fine, not to worry etc

Not much else I can do really, is there.

OP posts:
Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 09/04/2025 18:56

@Onlythemother honestly no, there isn’t. It’s next to impossible to know unless he’s willing to admit it, especially seeing as you don’t live with him.

The most you can is keep checking on him and keep throwing it out there that if he ever needs anything you’re there for him.

And don’t lend him money.

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