Just a General Moan

[letsstaypositive]

Morning all

just a general moan about life in general. I’m usually an upbeat energetic lady. I’m nearly 61 fit and healthy (as far as I know) all DC left home and independent so it’s just me and DH and the dog. We have a good life but lately I’ve lost my mojo. I feel like I’ve done everything. What’s left to do. I was a sahm for many years and I think atm what is upsetting is when I can’t look after my grandchildren my adult DD distances herself from me. I feel like I’m just there for childcare. I’m immune compromised and from time to time and get very run down. She never asks how I am or thanks me for what I do. I know they are my grandchildren but maybe I’m being over sensitive . I feel it’s one sided. I would step in and do anything for my DC but when I’m under the weather it all goes quiet. Ok maybe I’m just feeling sorry for myself but can anyone relate?

You need a life of your own, OP. You are more than just someone to look after kids.
Develop your hobbies - doesn't matter what they are, just things that interest you.
Volunteer - there are so many opportunities out there.
Do more stuff with your husband, maybe travel more, while you are both fit and well.
This should be the best time of your life - no commitments or responsibilities; the world is your oyster.

And your daughter will just have to sort out alternative childcare!

I’m sorry that must be really upsetting. My parents didn’t have the best health when my children were little and I was always so grateful when they offered to have the children but never expected help. Life is super busy when you are working with young kids, have you ever talked to your daughter about it? She may not realise how she’s behaving and how much it upsets you.

thanks for that Cynic 17 i just need a kick up the bum to get out of this mindset. DH and I go to the gym and both work PT and we do get to travel a lot. It’s a bit like when I had post natal depression after my first born. You have so much to look forward to but don’t understand why you feel the way that you do. Perhaps I’m a bit depressed. I know I spend too much time watching the news and current affairs which are totally depressing. I have a new stash of books waiting to be read. The sun is out so a coffee and a book sounds good.

Well if you don't mind being telt straight...

Your life is something others dream of!

It’s a difficult time of life for sure. We are fed this idea that when our kids are grown up the world is our oyster. It’s just not that simple. Health problems, worries and loneliness can all have an impact. Not having a good circle of close friends can impact, particularly if you move to a new area and your children are a long way away. I am finding it very different to how I expected it to be. The terrifying state of the world and the state of this country don’t help. To me it feels very hard to be optimistic a lot of the time. My adult children are all struggling a lot with life too and need a lot of emotional support . I don’t feel I get that back because they can’t relate to how I’m feeling. When you are young you just don’t understand this stage of life . Your DD is most probably struggling herself. Work, young children and often lack of money mean you are just in a tunnel and trying to survive at that stage. If she is taking you for granted you need to tell her so. She probably doesn’t see it.

Lazycatsitsonthemat I can relate to a lot of what you’re saying and feeling. It’s harder for our adult children today bringing up children/the cost of living and everything in general is just so much more challenging. 2 of my DDs suffer with anxiety issues and I’m there for them as much as I can. Yes they are busy keeping afloat with it all. However at my stage of life there are different challenges. My MIL relies on us a lot and we have her to stay quite a bit. As you get older yourself you have to look after yourself too.

Maybe for some people the world is your oyster at this stage of life. But my adult kids are living in cities in flat shares paying really high rents. They aren't with partners just now and we try to support them as best we can. They are really just starting out on their careers after years of studying. We haven't been abroad since well before covid and i can't see us going in the next few years either. The car is ancient and needing replaced. We both work. So all this "the worlds your oyster " kind of makes me shrug and feel a bit depressed.

SSD one of our daughters live alone and we help as much as we can. We didn’t do holidays while the DC went through Uni/further education as they were the priority back then. I think with me it’s getting older and I know I need to make the best of what is supposed to be the golden years. My DH health hasn’t been good over the last couple of years either which has taken its toll. Today I’ve been for a hearing test and I have mild hearing problems so I’ll need a hearing aid. Oh what joy! 😂we both still need to work as well as this lovely government keep pushing the retirement age back.

I hear ya @letsstaypositive

Taking my eye off what is happening in the world has really helped my well being. I used to listen to Today in the mornings and check news sites when I was on my phone but now I listen to music or an audio book or something from R4 extra.

Instead of a world view (seriously what can we do about Ukraine, Afghanistan, the Middle East?), I try to focus on my immediate world. Making a lovely meal, going for a walk, savouring this glorious spring, losing myself in a book.

I'm no Pollyanna, I have a daughter who is at uni and I know there are inevitable struggles ahead. I just need to trust her to make her way as all adults do.

Stop putting yourself last. Life is short. Your kids need to sort themselves out instead of relying on you to fix their anxiety.