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Parents of adult children

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Original poster

18 year old and holidays

12 replies

Fupoffyagrasshole · 30/03/2025 17:46

Hi! My step son is 18 and has lived abroad in Sweden most of his life

his mum moved back to be nearer her family when he was 3 years old. Husband let them go even though he was obviously devastated - but his ex was miserable and had good work opportunities and family support back in home country! And they made co parenting work as best they could!

ive been around since he was 6 - and we have had him stay got loads of school holidays and we’ve been over there to visit etc

anyway he’s now18 and this year unfortunately my husband been made redundant at work and we are broke! We’ve 2 little ones (8months and 4) and a year are just managing to get by month to month - very stressful

step son wants to come for 3 weeks in summer - obviously fine he’s always welcome - however we can’t afford the flights (450£) and he expects us to pay and then we will have no money to do anything with him - (not even sure how we could feed him tbh things are that tight)

husband is obvs feeling guilty and trying to figure out a way to make it work- but if we haven’t got the money we haven’t got it right? Or should we use a credit card and just suck it up?

It’s very stressful and not sure if it’s awful to just say sorry you can’t come this year

OP posts:
Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 30/03/2025 20:16

I would be honest with his mother and see what she says. She might offer to help.

Original poster
Fupoffyagrasshole · 30/03/2025 20:38

Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 30/03/2025 20:16

I would be honest with his mother and see what she says. She might offer to help.

Thanks! Good idea.

our financial circumstances have changed quite drastically very suddenly and I’m not really feeling good about the thoughts of using a credit card right now !

I think he will understand if we are honest with him and that perhaps his mum or grandparents may chip in to help pay for his flights 🙃

OP posts:
BunnyRuddington · 10/04/2025 08:23

Is your DH able to do anything to help out financially like maybe food delivery until he finds a FT job?

stanleypops66 · 10/04/2025 08:37

I would do anything to see my dc so sticking £450 on a credit card would be a no brainer.

fourelementary · 10/04/2025 08:45

What would you have done if his mum hadn’t moved away? You’d have had 3 children to feed and keep anyway as they don’t just disappear when you lose your job. Your husband has 3 children he is responsible for. Why didn’t he have some kind of cushion for redundancy? You may need to look into benefits short term and explain to his son that expensive days out won’t be possible, but that he can come and share time with his family regardless. And yes- credit card or short term loan if no other option.

BunnyRuddington · 10/04/2025 09:08

If your DH isn’t working, have you gone back to work? Sorry if I’ve missed tgat bit.

rookiemere · 10/04/2025 09:12

Is there any other way he can get to yours as €450 sounds awfully expensive for one return flight? Could he come on different dates, or get a coach to a cheaper airport? If that’s not possible then yes I guess his DF will need to ask the DM if she can help with the costs as he can’t say no to his DS coming to stay.

Original poster
Fupoffyagrasshole · 10/04/2025 09:16

jot everyone can save for a potential redundancy.

im on maternity leave so it was awful timing.

husband and him are going to go on a little holiday together just them once he’s back to work.

step son is fine with it and understands we have no money.

we did just have him on a holiday with us literally a month ago in France which was lovely.

it is what it is and getting ourselves into more debt right now is not a great idea.. I’ve been paying for food on credit card as it is

I’m going back to work this week 2 months earlier than planned to start getting some money.

no nursery for the baby until he’s 1 as that was original plan so we have to just make it work somehow

OP posts:
Original poster
Fupoffyagrasshole · 10/04/2025 09:39

rookiemere · 10/04/2025 09:12

Is there any other way he can get to yours as €450 sounds awfully expensive for one return flight? Could he come on different dates, or get a coach to a cheaper airport? If that’s not possible then yes I guess his DF will need to ask the DM if she can help with the costs as he can’t say no to his DS coming to stay.

peak summer flights in school holidays. He lives in the countryside so its connecting flights and it’s just not affordable in summer - we usually do pay around 300-400 most years when he comes.

he usually comes in Feb half term and October and it’s not quite as expensive then.

as he’s now 18 he has a part time job and he’s got music festivals and things with friends so he’s saying he can only come on specific dates around his schedule so there isn’t flexibility

anyhow it’s all sorted at least !

OP posts:
Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 10/04/2025 10:42

It’s none of our business really but why would you go on holiday to France if you’re that short on money? That seems like unnecessary added debt.

Either way, as long as he knows what’s up and know he’s not just being forgotten about I think it’s fine. Finances changing is a common occurrence, we all go through phases.

rookiemere · 10/04/2025 11:43

It is difficult then if there is no way of cutting the cost, I guess you just need to speak to DSS honestly about it, and DH tries his hardest to get some money in to cover it.

Original poster
Fupoffyagrasshole · 10/04/2025 17:50

Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 10/04/2025 10:42

It’s none of our business really but why would you go on holiday to France if you’re that short on money? That seems like unnecessary added debt.

Either way, as long as he knows what’s up and know he’s not just being forgotten about I think it’s fine. Finances changing is a common occurrence, we all go through phases.

This was booked for months and months and paid for a long time ago before he lost his job. We didn’t book a holiday when we were broke lolz 😝

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