How long do I wait?

[COFFEEXX]

I met a wonderful man 8 years ago, we got engaged 3 years ago. He has 2 adult children who are in their late 20s and I have 2 boys in their early 20s. He separated from his ex-wife 25 years ago and had a relationship for 12 years prior to meeting me. After a year into the relationship I introduced him to my boys who were fine with him and still are. However, I have yet to meet his children as they do not seem to want to meet me. My fiance has arranged numerous times for us to meet, but it never happens, as one of the children is either unwell or has made other plans. His son moved in with his girlfriend last year and they are now expecting a baby. I would love to be a part of the family and be involved when my fiance starts seeing his new grandchild. Upto now my fiance goes to meet them up north on his own every other Sunday and at times they meet him in London and I'm not invited. The sons girlfriend has arranged for a baby shower and she told my fiance that we were both welcome as she was having it round her mums. We were so pleased and I was really happy, but then last week his son phoned him and said I couldn't go....but he still wanted his dad there and he made his dad promise he would still go, without me. When my fiance told me I was so upset and just cannot understand what has changed. I am also upset as I feel my fiance has now shown his children where I stand in the relationship.

What happens if they never want to include me in future events, as there will be many more to come.

Do I continue with accepting the upset or do I seriously think about our future together.

So upset and so confused.

I think ultimately only you know your relationship, but I can’t imagine being engaged to someone and not being included in the family. That sounds miserable and hurtful.

How did the divorce with their mum go? Did they also do this to his previous partner?

Regardless though, at their big ages they are far too old for this behaviour.

I was told their divorce was amicable and he was a very involved father and still is. He did not introduce his previous GF due to them being young.

I would be seriously put off. What do your children think about all this? How does your finance justify it to you?

I have not told my boys about it..
My fiance says he is also upset about the situation but he does not want to hurt or upset his children.

I'd not be hanging around, he needs to tell his children to grow up, you aren't the other woman and he is allowed to have another life partner.

How ridiculous.

@COFFEEXX they’re not babies, why is he coddling this nonsense? It doesn’t even make sense long term: is he planning to ditch you if he ever wants to spend Christmas or NYE with them?

I just don't know what is going to happen, but I do know that this situation is not going to get any easier if they never want to meet me..
It's just too upsetting.

What does he mean by this? How would it upset his children?

Did his ex girlfriend meet the children?

He will not force them into meeting me if they don't want too, which I understand but it hurts. His ex girlfriend did not meet them either

With respect op don't you deserve more??

My apologies, I now realise you'd already stated the ex didn’t meet them, either. I wonder if this influenced their split?

Were you present during the phone conversation when son uninvited you to the baby celebration?

Are you sure it’s the children that don’t want to meet you and not your boyfriend who is keeping you and them from meeting? It’s unusual.

Yes, my fiance took the call while he was in my garden. I agree it is very unusual, as at my age I know other people who have moved on after being divorced with adult children and there are no problems.