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Son buying first house

6 replies

ToYouFromMe · 22/03/2025 15:18

Hi
Looking to offload and perhaps get some advice
My DS and fiance are buying a house.
They've been looking for almost a year and been outbid several times.
They usually request I or my DS future MIL to veiw with them for an alternative perspective and advice as they haven t purchased before.
We all veiwed a house 2 nights ago.My DS and future DIL had veiwed by themselves evening before and they were returning for second veiwing. ( MIL there too,all 4 of us)
I arrived late and was in a rush.
The house is beautiful inside, very high quality fixtures.
I made some relevant comments re the garden size and sun in garden ( small and no sun- both important to them ).I asked if they knew the area, local schools, shops etc??? (had they had a wander around)as its well outwith the location they had been wanting to buy in.( they hadn t )
I don t know the location at all, however my first impression was I did t really like the area ;driving out of the location confirmed my gut instinct.
When we left I required to drive off quickly as I was in someone's parking space and they were waiting to park.So no opportunity to speak about the house.
On drive home I reflected on the house and I didn t like it.Various reasons that I feel are important to my DS and future DIL ,they ve been sharing their aspirations for a house for a while and this house ,despite being lovely inside didn t meet their usual criteria.
By the time I arrived home and contacted DS to discuss the house ,they had made up their mind they really loved it.
I didn t want to burst their bubble; they were so excited about it.
I really feel they ve been blindsided by the beautiful interior.
DS has informed me previously that he thinks I m too negative and need to lighten up;so of late I always try to be upbeat and positive around him.
Future MIL appeared to love the house as did they, so I went along with it; pretending to love it too.
Today I ve had a drive past as its been on my mind.
I was hoping to like it a bit better and see the building and location in a better light.
Unfortunately not.
It's looking ,in my eyes awful.
I feel very guilty as they ve now made an offer on the house which has been accepted.
They offered way over asking price for fear of losing out.
I think the area, the building exterior appears awful and I think they ve been blindsided by the interior of the house.
The location of the house is nowhere near where they had originally wanted to live either .
I m now racked with guilt that I wasn t fully honest with my thoughts.
I do feel they ll regret purchasing .
I don t want to say anything now as everyone else seems to be very excited for them that they ve finally bought somewhere.
Advice on what to do???
Should I speak up ???

OP posts:
Roselilly36 · 22/03/2025 15:44

I would have spoken up before they had an offer accepted tbh. Ultimately, you can say your opinion but the choice is theirs. No property is ever going to be perfect on every level. As a young couple they may want to move again in a few years. But I can totally see why the interior could have been a factor.

Jade520 · 22/03/2025 15:54

Why on earth did they offer way over the asking price and not just say they'd pay the full asking price if it was immediately taken off the market? That was definitely madness.

I think though you have to stay out of it. They're just going to say you're being negative and not listen anyway. Instead why don't recommend they research the area more ready for when they move in/have kids or whatever. They might then come to the conclusion it's not right for them and change their mind themselves.

I think though you have to try to get them to look at it carefully and make sure it's what they want, you already mentioned the garden so there's not much more you can do IMO.

sausagebapsforlife · 22/03/2025 15:54

Do you have the kind of relationship where you feel you CAN be honest with him? Is he likely to take offence or get his nose put out of joint if you speak up?

If you do have the kind of relationship where you feel comfortable airing your views and opinions then I think you should have a 'gentle word' and maybe just broach the subject and just check that they are 100% sure about this house because buying your first home is a big decision and commitment and you just want to make sure they have thought everything through properly.

I would mention that this house doesn't meet the criteria that they originally set for their first home so you are just wanting to make sure they haven't just been seduced by the interior and have therefore lost sight of what they originally said they wanted, in house and in the area. Just say that you don't want to burst their bubble and you are happy for them if they are sure. Hopefully they can give you some reassurance about why they love it so much and it might make you feel better about it.

I think you will feel guilty if you don't at least just say something but just be careful how you say it and don't come across as being 'mum knows best'.

If you don't feel that saying something will be welcomed in any way then you may have to just keep schtum and let them get on with it unfortunately.

Ultimately they are adults and at the end of the day the decision is theirs and you then have to let them get on with it and try and be happy for them. Sometimes we have to let them make their own mistakes.

Who knows they may love it there and you may be totally wrong about the house and the area.

ToYouFromMe · 23/03/2025 09:11

I ve spoken to them kindly and frankly this am.Said I had their their best interests at heart.
They listened to my concerns , very quickly dismissed them and said they are happy with the house and the condition of the building and the area.
I may have planted a seed and given them some issues to discuss further.
I was careful not to dwell on the subject once I d said what I wanted to say and we quickly moved on to other subjects.
I don t think they are bothered by it at all, so am very relieved and glad I spoke up.
Thanks to all who ve read and given me advice.it did help

OP posts:
LoyalMember · 11/04/2025 12:35

A tough one. They sound very much like they're so taken with the interior layout that they've lost sight of the neighbourhood in general. I think you can only convey your concerns and then step back. It's their choice, their money, and their responsibility.

Ezzee · 11/04/2025 13:24

My DS bought his house early last year and although I didn't really like it ( I thought we'd seen better) he absolutely loves it and is very happy, I now love his house because of this.

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