I need to let off steam! 😭

[Stillstanding54]

My 25 year old son lives at home. He’s paying £200 a month. He has no job, he’s had over 10 jobs in various pubs and restaurant kitchens and can’t seem to keep a a single one
He sleeps all day and watches videos all night. He drinks in his bedroom, cider, wine & spirits and leaves food to rot. It is an absolute filthy pigsty
The final straw is finding dozens of bottles filled with urine.

His mental health is not great at all, but im really starting to feel the stress and strain myself now

He absolutely refuses to get any help, and thinks every job is beneath him
He gets drunk and cries and threatens to end it all
Im reaching the end of my tether
I’m nearing retirement and is this going to be my life???? 😢

What education does he have? Does he have a degree? Is there a job he wants to do? Is he ND? How was he at school?

It sounds like he's completely lost and self medicating his MH issues with alcohol and he needs some support in working out his next steps. It depends where his interests lie though, it definitely sounds like customer service is not the role for him (same for my son, he'd hate it) but he needs to think about what he would like to be doing and then figure out how to get there. Maybe some volunteering would give him some purpose, boost his self esteem and help him work out what he wants to do.

I think an honest convo is needed between you. Let him know how it's affecting you, let him know that you love and support him, but this behaviour has to change. His MH won't improve unless he starts taking care of himself and he needs to have a plan for living independently of you at some point. While he's in your home he needs to be showing more respect for you and your home.

He flunked college, couldn’t cope, would abscond. managed to get a uni place when he was 21 but decided a day before we were taking him that it wasn’t for him
He says he hates people, he believes in conspiracy theories and is expecting ww3 to begin soon. He has spells of investigating regions. ( we are non-religious) A few years ago he wanted to convert to become Muslim. He has very few friends because he alienates them and I think they finally have enough of his overbearing ways - He always has to be right! He is very intelligent, too intelligent but is very messed up
Its the constant dread and threat of him hurting himself that worries me so much
My heart is racing as I type this because of the stress

Oh believe me, I’ve done all the supportive stuff. Offered to take him to therapy groups etc. etc. Told him countless times that he’s loved etc. Given him details of stuff he can do, people to talk to. He refuses help of any kind and there’s only so much you can offer with it being thrown back in your face. He just cries and says he’s worthless and may as well end it
If I thought he had somewhere to go I’d really throw him out but he’s jobless.

I really don’t know if he’d follow through with his threats 😢

At that age and with him refusing help, I would see no solution but letting him know he has to move out unless he accepts help. If he is moved into a flat, you can still help from a distance.

I personally don’t believe in the common idea that if people threaten suicide they won’t do it so I can 100% understand your apprehension, but considering your age and the distress this is causing you, at this point it becomes emotional abuse. He knows if he says it you’ll back off.

I grew up with my mum threatening suicide every other day. She’s 65 and… still here. In her late 40s she finally was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. Your son really needs an assessment and if there’s nothing that needs treating, then he needs to grow up and get a life.

@Stillstanding54 I really feel for you as you sound like you've done so much for your son. I have some similar issues with mine, also 25 yrs. Your son needs help and you sound like you need a break and some professional help, it's very tough to go through all this day in day out. Sending heartfelt hugs and good wishes to you.

How are things now @Stillstanding54

Pretty much the same?