What would you think about this situation

[Aliceisagooddog]

My son is 24 and currently studying for a higher degree, living at home. He has ASD and problems with anxiety, social interactions and self esteem. Recently he has been leaving the house for up to 15 hours a day, supposedly studying/ working at University. He comes back very late. When asked he says he is fine, but barely communicates. We are worried because he has ongoing MH issues and refuses therapy.
What would you make if this behaviour? How do we get him to open up?

Does he need to open up to you? I understand that your parenting journey is different but its the norm for children to pull way from their parents at some point and have their own private lives.

I would have an honest conversation raising your concerns, say your always here to talk to, uni will have a counselling service and he is welecome to invite friends or partner home.

Thanks for your reply. I think our worries are due to his history of poor mental health. Yes of course he is an adult and we can't force him to talk to us. He has spoken of suicide before, so our concerns are very real. It's just so difficult!

Also, we are not prying into his private life, but I honestly think it's not that he suddenly has a relationship, it's some sort of crisis.

This sounds incredibly difficult. If you think he may be thinking about suicide, it's really important to talk about it directly. Don't avoid saying the word; if he's thought about it before, you are definitely not putting ideas into his head. There are some resources here about how to talk about this: https://www.startaconversation.co.uk/sac-resources#heading-10274

Maybe he’s seeing someone and just not wanting to talk about it.

I would ask him point blank about the 15h/day and explain it’s simply because you’re worried, not because you’re trying to pry.

I'd worry too, though being out of the house doesn't necessarily make suicide more likely than if he's at home shut in his room. Does he have a hobby he might be pursuing, rather than just studying? Or maybe he goes to a friend's.

Is he refusing to say? If so, I'm not sure what more you can do.

How do we get him to open up?

Just ask him. Where have you been today? What have you done?
Ask him gently, over a meal if you can.

Difficult when he has ASD. It can make up more vulnerable but also the bit I find strands is the desire to keep things from those who love you, and it can often be the things that they most need some help with.

Does he have the location sharing on his phone?

*strange not strands!

Thanks all, I did find out, it was something linked to his course, so not actually anything to worry about. However, I do need to address the lack of communication.....

Thank goodness you've found out what it was