Son 21 no job in limbo - need sources of help

[Hamserfan]

My 21 year old did A-levels during COVID. Didn’t achieve his predicted grades but did get an unconditional offer from his preferred uni for a closely related course. Unfortunately struggled in some aspects and after two years and a bit years including a course change has dropped out.

Back at home since end of last academic year. Has applied for lots of jobs eg retail, hospitality and for some apprenticeships. In 15 months he has done two try out shifts in a cafe. No other trial shifts, no interviews nothing.

He will not let us look at any applications or his CV. He wants to do it himself. Says that the job centre team have said his CV is OK. We are now getting concerned as the length of time with no progress is increasing. Does anyone have a careers counselling type service they have experience of and would be happy to recommend?

Does he definitely want to work? There are so many jobs where I live (retail, pubs, bars, restaurants etc) and my neighbours daughter got had 5/6 interviews in a month or so andc3 job offers. Live in a very average sized city. To not have been offered anything in a year suggests to me that he's not that bothered, especially if he won't even let you look at his CV?

I think he is living with you rent free, I assume, if he has no money coming in. He doesn't get to gate keep his CV. You need to look at it together and signpost him to things. He should sign up with the job centre. That is awful as they make you attend interview training etc which it would be worth getting a job to avoid. If he does get job seekers allowance take a proportion as his rent. I feel like he is finding it too easy to coast.

I’d be very doubtful. It’s very easy to find hospitality jobs, retail probably as well.

It might not be intentional and he may just be self-sabotaging, but he needs a reality check if you don’t want him stuck at home doing nothing. How does he spend his days?

Hmmm, I would be wondering what’s going on re the CV, and does he really want to work. There are loads of jobs out there for people his age, albeit in retail, hospitality etc which may not be his preferred area, but should do for now to get some money and work experience. You maybe need to be a bit more assertive about seeing the CV, supporting re interviews etc. He can’t loaf around rent free for ever, and he needs to see this.

Thanks for the replies so far. He has been to the job centre twice they don’t seem to be insisting on a number of applications per month or anything. I agree he doesn’t seem that bothered, spends far too much time gaming (but I acknowledge it is a way he keeps in touch with friends too) and yes is living rent and bill free with us.

This is why we thought some independent third party advice might be useful. He is adamant he won’t let us look and clearly we can’t physically make him. An additional factor is we suspect he has ADHD as his organisation and prioritisation skills are at times rather poor. He of course is not open to getting that looked at either.

I have some sympathy - DC is similar, and the jobs market is horrendous at the moment. Our situation is a little different in that DC is planning to return to Uni in September, so it's not long term.

Out of all of the jobs that DC has applied for, 90% you never hear from. I'd say 8% you get an email saying thank you for your application, if you've not heard within a month consider yourself unsuccessful, and 2% DC has been interviewed and offered, but the terms were so horrendous it was ridiculous. One wanted them to turn up at 8am every day (40 minute bus ride away) to see if they had any work and if not, they would be sent back home.

Have they looked at apprenticeships, even Level 3 apprenticeships? My other DC managed to get a job that way, even though they had A Levels, they had to go back to Level 3 apprenticeships to get something.

You could look at the Princes Trust - they have programmes to help young people get into work, and sometimes CV and career advice comes better from an outside expert not parents!

Groundwork may have jobs or groups locally. They do outdoors community based projects and are great.
https://www.groundwork.org.uk/groundwork-careers/

Depending on where you are there are lots of or not many jobs.

My DS went to uni in London and had no problem getting a retail job over the summers.

We live very rurally and my DD had no hope of getting anything and the interviews and trial shifts were over 20 miles away.

Are you city or rural? Dies he have transport?

I work for a careers service in my local authority, we work with 14-25 year olds. Very likely to be a similar service in your area?

I would be removing the computer games during the day when he should be looking for work. DHs nephews have each spent a year in their rooms on video games before they felt sufficiently motivated to look for a job properly - I told my ds I was not allowing the same thing to happen in our house - he’d have to sign on and work on a voluntary basis if he couldn’t find paid work but I was not putting up with him doing nothing

I think it can be hard to get this sort of job. My DS graduated in the summer, and is currently applying for grad schemes starting in September having not got round to it last year 🙄 He applied for loads of hospitality jobs and retail/supermarket jobs in August onwards and barely got anything back at all - not even during the recruiting for Christmas period. He has lots of previous experience too. Eventually got a pub job just before Christmas, but is only guaranteed 4hrs/week. Obviously did much more over Christmas but wondering how things will pan out. We're south London. DD had similar experience for gap year work - ended up working in London where the cost of commuting basically cost nearly 2 hours work each day!

Does he think he has ADHD and is he willing to seek an assessment?

If he's living with you, I'd have a talk with him, preferably somewhere neutral like a Coffee Shop.

Say that you're concerned and longer this goes on for the harder it's going to be for him to find work as Employers won't like such a big gap.

Ask him to sign on, say that all money and Wi-Fi is stopping at the end of the month.

Also tell him that you expect him to be pitching in during the day. The Organised Mum Method has some printable a that you could laminate that gives daily jobs around the house.

And what's he doing to try and self regulate?

@seeline - try agencies - if a recruiter thinks you have potential to make them money they’ll have a good go at finding something for you.
Has your dc got a LinkedIn profile - ds was contacted by a few recruiters via LinkedIn and that was how he found his first job - it’s not a keeper - family business - too casual. broken promises on training, unprofessional but it’s full time, he’s learning what not to do and he’s gaining some knowledge and experience. He won’t hang around longer than a year.

The gaming all day stands out to me. You don't need to game to stay in touch with friends, also sounds like they are not working. Do you not give him chores to do? Does he have a phone and who pays?

He reads a lot, he does help with chores and cooks for himself, does his own washing. Pays for his own phone and spotify. He mainly games at night so his sleep hours are until about 9am.
He has said he will think about the ADHD assessment but that is his way of not engaging.

We have had the talk and made the point about a long gap to explain several times. Keep saying that it’s easier to get a job when you have a job so apply for anything and everything for now. We have encouraged him to claim UC which is a small amount because of his child trust fund savings. The job centre have not been much use at all sadly.

Ds was diagnosed with adhd during his second year at uni. He described the impact of getting the drugs to be utterly life changing. But it was all done privately and the NhS won’t fund his meds unless he gets an NhS diagnosis - so he’s joined that very long waiting list. In the meantime the meds cost about £100/month and we pay £360 annually for prescriptions

I'd make his free rent conditional on him contributing to society ie. If he isn't in paid work finding a voluntary position somewhere this would add to his cv, allow him to meet different people and improve his confidence (which maybe lacking as he hasn't worked before).

It’s tough getting a job atm. My dd applied for so many before getting one. It was v disheartening. I’ve heard of others applying for over 80 jobs. And the employers never get back to applicants.

i work in careers and I’d suggest volunteering. Trying different things to see what suits. Also agree with pp about applying for level 3 apprenticeships. Perhaps even level 2 to get a foot in the door.

Does he know what sort of thing he’s interested in?

Can he drive? This opens up many doors.

What does he do that will contribute to his employability ?

Volunteering etc ?

I have a dc who did A-levels during Covid too, but she regularly gets contacted by people asking her if she is free to do some shifts. She's a bit older, but has had several jobs (some at home, some at University).

Unless you are very, very rural with no transport, it is difficult to believe there have been no possibility of any jobs at all, for someone who actually wants to work.
Not necessarily 'fun' jobs, or well paid jobs, or even a job in a career you want to develop, or a job you want to spend years doing. But there must be jobs.

As others have said, once working, it is easier to get the next / better job.
The older he gets, the less likely employers will be interested as they will wonder who on earth has got to 21 / 22 / 23 /24/ etc without ever working.

I suggest getting him to decide where he could volunteer whilst also applying for jobs.
I'd second the suggestion for getting in touch with Princes Trust as a starting point for improving his employability.

I think we have the same DS, although mine is now 23!

He has only managed part time, temporary shop jobs. Doesn't get anywhere with graduate roles ( even with a Masters!).

He has been a TA. Those jobs are easy to get but he hated it, ultimately. It is definitely true that in lots of areas there just aren't many graduate opportunities.

My DS is definitely a socially very anxious person and probably has some form of ADHD. It is a worry and I understand totally your despair.

The do-it website is good for volunteering opportunities.
food banks are great too.

See, that would be an example for my area. No food bank is taking volunteers.

It's easy enough to get seasonal jobs , especially if he has transport but they do dry up and aren't really building useful experience.