5 vs 10 year age gap between kids?

[Klikkinawayy]

5 year vs 10 year age gap between two children?

Which is harder work ?

Not personal experience but my uncle & his wife had a 10 year age gap and always told us not to do it because it was difficult. They have never had the same interests or enjoyed the same things so every trip out is a compromise where one doesn’t really enjoy what they want to do and there’s a lot of taking turns, they don’t really have a “sibling” bond as the oldest had 10 years as an only child so struggled with the change & the youngest then hits 5/6 and the oldest is busy with friends, school work, exams, wanting to be out & about solo. Plus you’re then balancing a young teen who is having all the usual hormonal, school, friendship issues with a 4/5 year old who is having all the starting school issues, needing you a lot issues etc. Ultimately though there are pros & cons to any age gap :)

There was 5 years between my brother and I and it always seemed like a good gap. I was old enough (and enjoyed) to help out with him when he was a baby, and because of the gap there was no rivalry.
I’d love a similar age gap with mine but because of my age we’ll be aiming for more of a 3 -4 yr age gap.

10 years seems huge.

5 years is pretty normal -- lots of people wait that long because it means child 1 is at school when child 2 is born. My sister is 5 years younger than me and as adults we're good friends and feel like we're the same generation and had largely the same experiences.

I have three (now adult) kids, five years between each, the perfect gap for our family. Each child got plenty of individual attention, nobody was competing against each other, they all get on really well and always have. Eldest used to bottle feed the youngest when she was born. For us the fact that when we moved to Aus and they were 3-13 they were all at the same school for a while as it was pre-school to Y12 was really good for them bonding as they had a shared experience which I know is not the norm but I think it really helped.

Did you not struggle with the needs of a teenager and a toddler. ?

I'd find 10 years too big a gap personally. It would not just be the sibling dynamic but I couldn't go back to the baby stage. Mine are 4 and 8 and I just feel I'm starting to find myself again and can carve out a little bit of me time that simply wasn't possible with a baby.

There is ten years between me and my youngest brother, I tended to mother him growing up and to this day our relationship is more of a mother son one compared to my other brother who is three years younger than me, we're definitely siblings and friends!

Also, just saw you comment about the struggle with toddlers and teenagers. This is where I felt it the most, a a teenage girl i really needed my mum but she was often too busy with my toddler brother. For that I do have some resentment i suppose.

When I look at my kids who are nearly 5 years apart I often wish the gap was smaller so it would be easier to do activities together.

Our second missed out on a lot of soft play and similar activities because of an older sibling (and Covid too!). The friendships with other families are also more of a juggle as everyone seems to have a 2 year gap so it’s often only one child who’s happy when we do group outings.

I imagine with a 10 year gap this would be even more of an issue. The good bits are that the rivalry seems to be less intense and the older one often helps out with teaching the little one things or helps with sorting breakfast or puts on the right TV show!

Not big time tbh. The main difficulty I remember was when it came to going to the cinema in school holidays as obviously they had different interests. There was one fantastic outdoor play place where they had different sized trampolines for different ages and go karts for the bigger kids and little tykes cars for the younger ones which was a favourite for a day out. When we emigrated we travelled in Asia for a few months which really made them close and it helped that the eldest (boy) adored his little sister and the middle one (boy) was always - and still is - pretty chill. I always made a point of spending one on one time with the older ones. I wonder sometimes if it would have worked as well if DD had been a boy but I will never know.

Quite an odd question because you can’t predict how things will work out and be that precise surely

i hoped for 3-4 years but ended up with 20 months. Very hard work. But great as they get older.