Dd has been made redundant

[BooberFraggle]

Feel so sorry for her, her boss has decided to fold the company with immediate effect and sent everyone home yesterday. Sounds like they’re all getting a months wages which is something.

she still lives at home so at least there’s no major financial worries though I guess it will impact on me/dh as she won’t have money for food/petrol, etc.

she only found out yesterday and has applied for another job already so is being proactive. But she is going back to uni in Sept/oct for a Masters so just needs something for the next few months.

i assume if she is applying for admin type jobs to tide her over not to mention going back to uni in 9 months? She’s also going to look at temping agencies.

Im going to tell her to look into JSA as well. But she’s currently abroad (at her boyfriends) so can’t do that until she’s back in the country I guess. She is meant to be flying back this weekend but is going to ask BA if she can change her flights as she doesn’t see the point in coming back now as she doesn’t have to be at work on Monday.

Sadly due to health conditions she would probably need an office job/sitting down. She’s not going to be able to stand all day, stock shelves, etc.

Not sure what the deleted messages were, did I miss some drama? On my own post? 😆

Totally agree. Sadly when I tried with this approach 15 months ago it went down like a lead balloon. Resulting in her pretty much not talking to me apart from to tell me how nasty I was and how the pressure I was putting her under was making her ill 🤷‍♀️

I don’t mind if she just works part time, does temping and has a week on/week off. I am happy for her to have free board and lodging and pay her car insurance and any repairs.

I’d like her to be able to put petrol in her own car, not be asking me for money if she needs/wants something more than essentials. Which I don’t think is unreasonable.

Well I hope you don't return the coat!

🤣. I’m undecided. I do really like it, but it was a bit extravagant for me anyway and it’s the sort of thing I wouldn’t wear a lot but I kind of feel I should have a good quality, classic wool coat I don’t need it!

If her chosen industry is as competitive as you say, I can’t imagine multiple periods of doing nothing will stand her in good stead when it comes to getting a job.

She has savings in her name then she uses them to pay her living expenses and rent to you while she refuses to work.

She's an adult who is on holiday with her boyfriend after working for 13 months. She's not burned out ffs.

OP she should look at things like matched betting, online survey sites etc etc to make money if she's not working. Probably also some sort of part time bar job if she wants a break from full time working pre uni. I was recently made redundant and managed to cover bills from matched betting so she might find she can cover her costs that way

I sometimes talk myself out of buying something nice. It's because we're not used to putting ourselves first. If you can afford it you should have it! You'll feel great every time you wear it.

You’re right. I’m going to keep it. Thank you. I never put myself first

I haven’t looked at all the replies at all, but a couple of thought spring to mind:

• Being made redundant, even if you expect it, is a real kick in the teeth and the last thing you want is a parent fussing over you or pushing you to do certain things. So has she asked you to do any of this stuff? Has she said she’s worried? It’s the most annoying thing when a parent worries about something you don’t even think is a problem and it creates a stress.
• She’s a big girl now, managed to get a job and is organising her life. You don’t need to do any of this for her, even if she does ask you. When parents intervene, they stop their children from developing confidence as they learn from these experiences.
• get a grip of your stress and stop projecting it onto her. You will be most helpful to your daughter if you are a neutral sounding board there to help as she needs.

Have rules changed for JSA? When I was made redundant I wasn't eligible because I didn't have two years continuous contributions - similar situation, working round uni.

If she's intending to not work till September, at a minimum you need to set some ground rules in place and get her dad on board. It's absolutely not on for her to flounce around like a petulant child because you won't fund her career break.

That’s not true.

if she applies for uc though she shouldn’t apply until after she’s received her final wage or it will be counted as earnings and reduce her payment. Not sure how redundancy pay affects it. Not sure about jsa and what the count as earnings, if she’s eligible for that.

How old is your DD now?

23yo. Took 4 years doing her degree as had a mini breakdown in COVID and had to interrupt. Fair enough

then started work in Dec following graduation
has worked for just over a year

You say you have a pot of money saved for her. We did this too. However, our DC got control when they were 18. I have a car they can have but they have to pay for the upkeep and insurance themselves. They don’t want to use their money. Fair enough the car is theirs when they take on the responsibility for it. The car is probably worth around 8k now.

Supporting your adult DD financially and her having a pot of money is counterproductive imo. As adults the drive to have certain things that cost money should come from them.

In one way you want control and in another you don’t.

Your DD at 24 seems to spend what she wants and you always bail her out and when you don’t he is rude to you.

This strategy cannot be a good one in the long run. Especially now she is nearly 24.

@curious79 thank you. Some very good points. I do have a tendency to want to be a “fixer” which I can get could be annoying.

in fairness she did ring me in tears asking for advice about what sort of jobs to apply for, recommendations for temping agencies, etc

so I gave advice in that phonecall and nothing since. I purposefully sat on my fingers and didn’t message her about JSA, etc as I realised I needed to take a step back

the problem is I know how it will pan out. She will happily toss it off for nine months and at some point run out of money in her current account. She won’t want to touch her savings and will expect me to bail her out. Her boyfriend lives in Canada and she was planning on going there again in the summer. Well I won’t pay for a plane ticket if she’s not working. If she had been made redundant and only been able to get part time work and was struggling I’d be more inclined to help

shes already paid 2k for a holiday to Sri lanka next month. I have told her her travel insurance covers redundancy so she could get 2k back. Which in the circumstances I would. However she’s said it’s paid for so she’s going. I doubt she has any spending money. It’s one of those guided Exodus type companies. No idea if meals are included or not. No idea how expensive Sri lanka is.

shes also just booked a long weekend to Slovenia but has only paid a £60 flight so far. I’m hoping she doesn’t intend to go now.

she’s never paid me a penny in board or lodging. Even if she goes to get milk from the shop she takes my bank card!

She sounds very spoilt. When she finishes her masters is she going to be dossing around for a couple of years until she finds the perfect opportunity? Lambkins couldn't possibly do a temp job stuffing envelopes for minimum wage because it's beneath the almighty pedestal she's placed herself on?

I would take a step back to see what she does. While she lives in your house she needs to contribute in some way. That could be financial or practical. A very wise older friend told me that people don't value things that are free so you must always charge for things even if it is a nominal amount.

I would be putting my bank card somewhere she can't find it in that case!

She definitely needs to understand that although the circumstances of her unemployment were out of her control, she can't just expect a free ride until she goes back to Uni.

I would be asking "so what are you planning on doing between now and going back to uni then". If she says "nothing", then the question is "Will you be selling your car then to tide you over? We're happy for you to stay here and have food, etc, here, but we can't fund both you and your car while you're at home."

If she says about you paying the same while she's at Uni, then the answer is "well, when you're at uni we consider that an investment in your future and would rather pay your costs, than you having to work alongside studying. While you have the time that you don't have to study and could be earning, then why should we effectively pay you to do nothing?"

I moved out of home when I was 19 and was fully qualified in my profession at 22 and running my own home. I know that's not feasible nowadays with property and rent prices how they are, but this is another example of how (as I've experienced in my work life) unprepared 20-30 year olds are for "real" life as a result.

Sorry wrong thread!

Well I'd be feeding her but that would be about it

No car and who pays for her phone?

I think she needs a reality check