Autism?

[RareHedgehog]

Hi all, I posted yesterday about how my son being reluctant to apply for jobs, suffers with low confidence, no friends, isolated, no eye contact etc, and a lot of people came back to say he may be autistic. This has crossed my mind but what does it mean for him?

Even if he could get a diagnosis - I would have to get him to his GP to start the ball rolling and he won't go - what will it change for him? Would he be entitled to more support to find work? Would he be eligible for any kind of financial support? I really am at a loss as to what to do for him. This is not the life a 20 year old should be living and it worries me which is making me ill with headaches, fatigue, sleep issues etc.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you in advance.

My son is 20, finished college in June 2023, has never worked.

At the age of 20 your son can decide whether or not he wants an autism assessment. I have had similar issues with a son. At 17 he was outraged at the suggestion of having an autism assessment. I discussed it with the GP, so they were aware, should he ever change his mind, and decide to have the assessment. What works best with my son is a collaborative approach. This entails being completely open and honest with him, but making very few demands of him. In the face of any demands, pressure or expectations, he will always resist strongly. I did not put pressure on him to continue his education beyond age 18 (despite him having good academic potential). He really struggled to get his first minimum wage job, which he lost within 6 months. He has since had an entry level apprenticship in the NHS, which he completed. This led to a minimum wage job which aligns with his interests. His work also provides him with a friendship group, and has allowed him to develop his social skills. I do believe he has social and communication difficulties which pose obstacles compared to a neurotypical person. Gradually, over a period of years, he has accepted that he has autistic traits, and he can describe them and the effect they have on him. I feel he is reaching his potential and I am very proud of him. I do not think an autism assessment would have made any difference to his current situation. OPs situation is obviously unique, but I offer my experience, in the hope it helps.

I remember your post, DS has a diagnosis of ASD, got it at secondary school age but could easily have been missed if not for one particular teacher he had who started the ball rolling. He's an adult now. The big difference it's made to him is that in some instances he was able to get the questions in advance for interviews and thanks to that he got an apprenticeship in a very autistic friendly sector (software engineering) which is he really enjoying. It also means he can have adjustments made for him, for example he has quiet room he can use. If you son is struggling he might get help with getting back to work (don't know how good this is) or it might help getting with getting PIP (but we haven't been down that route so can't help there either). The main thing though IMO is that it can help him understand himself and why he struggles with certain things, it can make your whole life suddenly make sense.

If you're wondering about ASD then it's worth looking back over his whole life and thinking if there was anything there to suggest it. How was he at school? did he ever struggle there with making friends? Was he at any time quite black and white in his thinking or did he take things very literally? a bit quirky? Get quite obsessed with anything ie trains, dinosaurs, telephones, particular tv shows? Did he struggle with transitions ie starting school, leaving the house or ending one activity and starting another when he was asked to? Is he quite blunt or sometimes 'too' honest?

You can't make him go and i wouldn't go straight in with that suggestion. Small steps are always best IME! Is he aware he struggles with eye contact for example? Have you suggested he might be autistic at all? You could say, that it's quite common with autism and has he ever thought he might be autistic? Just planting the idea in his head and slowly working up from there.

It might be a case of you having to research what might be available to him if he is autistic - you might find that due to the waiting lists often being so long he might be able to get help without a diagnosis on the basis that he is suspected to have it. It's difficult to give much other advice though without more info ie is he still interested in mechanics, would more relevant courses be something he could do, does he have a particular interest he could tap into and do something related to that? Could he look to do a mechanical engineering degree at a nearby uni for example?

My workplace has some sort of arrangement/liaison with men in long term unemployment. Surprisingly, most of the ones that have come through are quite young (early to mid 20s) and undiagnosed for whatever reason we’re not aware of. Most only come because their parents got to a breaking point.

My DD also refuses to complete her assessment that they advised all the way back in high school via CAMHS. You can’t force them.

He could potentially be entitled to PIP or find workplaces that cater to situations like his.