Hi everyone,
I’m a single mum and could really use some advice. My 21-year-old son dropped out of uni 8 months ago after struggling with the course and his mental health. He’s been living at home since, working part-time in a cafe, but spends a lot of time at home. I’ve tried to give him space and not nag him too much, though he can be messy, and I mostly just ask him to do his own washing.
Recently, I went away for 4 days and asked him to make sure the house was clean before I got back. When I returned, it was a mess—overflowing bins, towels on the floor, filthy sink clothes everywhere. I lost my cool and sent him a frustrated message. That night, he left the house without telling me and didn’t come home. He ignored my calls, and I didn’t know where he was. It took until the next day for his girlfriend to tell me she’d seen him that day, which was a relief, but he kept ignoring my calls. Eventually, I drove to his dad’s house and realised he’d been staying there while his dad was away on holiday. I found it really upsetting that he purposely let me worry, and when I confronted him, he said I “well, you worked it out eventually.”
I feel stuck. I’m worried I’m being too soft, letting him get away with too much, but when I set boundaries or express frustration, I feel like the bad guy. My ex even suggested I have “anger issues,” but I rarely get angry with my son, frustrated sometimes, but not often and now this has really made me doubt myself.
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How can I set healthy boundaries while maintaining a good relationship? I’m really struggling to figure out how to navigate this.