Parents of Uni kids

GinaDreamsofRunningAway · 2025-01-04T10:46:33+00:00

My DD is first year Uni student and has been home for Christmas for the first time since starting in September. She has settled well and is enjoying uni life for which I am grateful and so happy about. She has gone back this morning after 3 weeks at home and I am sat here feeling lost, low and a bit sad. Having her home has been amazing and I have loved every minute but its floored me a little about how bad I currently feel about her going again. I know I will be okay and will readjust to her not being here again, but right now this bloody well hurts. Will it always be this bad? Will I ever get used to the 'coming and going?' Does it get better? Someone please reassure me that my heart won't always hurt this much each time she goes away again.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 04/01/2025 10:49

It will slowly get better and the norm. Can you visit mid term and take her out for the day? DD is in Year 3 now and I am ok with her coming and going now. Our relationship has changed with this, she has had experiences I don’t know about, etc. it is still wonderful when she is home and I’m fortunate in that she calls (several times a day!) so we remain very close and our relationship has developed.

Hoppinggreen · 04/01/2025 10:55

DD is home from Uni, well I say that but she is currently at her boyfriends parents house until Monday.
I miss her so much I almost can't catch my breath at times but its compounded by a few other things that are going on right now too.
She doesn't know how I feel as I put a brave face on and I am very happy she has settled in so well at Uni, she isn't too far away so we have been lucky enough to see a bit of her during term anyway.
I am really dreading her leaving again next week, it will be like September all over again. I hope it gets easier in time

Aparecium · 04/01/2025 11:23

My youngest is in 6th form, so I've gone through this a few times! IME their departure does get easier because I find myself looking forward so much to their return. I know I'm going to enjoy it. I get such a buzz when they're all at home! But it's not just that I know I'm going to be happy - I can't help but be happy that my dc are happy.

Of course, when youngest goes, the empty nest might feel very different. OTOH I may have some boomerangs returning.

QueenofLouisiana · 04/01/2025 11:30

I definitely “recover” faster when DS leaves, but still cried when he left this morning. He’s in yr2, thought it would have got easier by now! However, he’s too far away for weekend trips, so that it until Easter probably.

Original poster

GinaDreamsofRunningAway · 04/01/2025 11:35

QueenofLouisiana · 04/01/2025 11:30

I definitely “recover” faster when DS leaves, but still cried when he left this morning. He’s in yr2, thought it would have got easier by now! However, he’s too far away for weekend trips, so that it until Easter probably.

My DD is quite a way from us too. A long train journey with several changes so it’s not easy to see her during term time once she has gone. She thinks she has a reading week in March that she wants to come home for and then we have Spring Break in April where she will be back for 2 weeks but it seems so far away. I think I will make the long train journey up next month though regardless as I just don’t want to go that long before seeing her again. It’s hard 😕

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JulietSierra · 04/01/2025 11:42

I’m with you op, it’s hard isn’t it?
My ds is in his 3rd year at a uni which is at the other end of the country from where we live. It’s really hard to make a weekend visit so when he’s gone we don’t usually see him til the end of term. I hate the saying goodbye and I get really sad on the run up to him leaving but once he’s away I’m ok. He’s not great at staying in touch (a weekly phone call and ‘good night’ texts!) but I know that’s because he’s super busy and happy so that’s ok.
Dd will also be going away in the autumn and that’ll be really weird but I guess I’ll get used to it. It’s really hard to let go isn’t it?

Original poster

GinaDreamsofRunningAway · 04/01/2025 12:00

JulietSierra · 04/01/2025 11:42

I’m with you op, it’s hard isn’t it?
My ds is in his 3rd year at a uni which is at the other end of the country from where we live. It’s really hard to make a weekend visit so when he’s gone we don’t usually see him til the end of term. I hate the saying goodbye and I get really sad on the run up to him leaving but once he’s away I’m ok. He’s not great at staying in touch (a weekly phone call and ‘good night’ texts!) but I know that’s because he’s super busy and happy so that’s ok.
Dd will also be going away in the autumn and that’ll be really weird but I guess I’ll get used to it. It’s really hard to let go isn’t it?

It really is. I will be okay, I know I will because ultimately she is happy and that is all that matters but it has just shocked me a bit how sad I have felt this morning and how much it has hurt saying goodbye again. Xx

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Motheranddaughter · 04/01/2025 15:39

It does get easier
Mne both wanted very much to go away to Uni and have both been very happy ,which helps
I think I have a different relationship with them than my friends with DC who stayed home for Uni did

Acinonyx2 · 05/01/2025 09:57

I find the constant re-adjustment quite wearing. Dd leaving was one adjustment - but she now has a bf and it's very full on. In holidays she is mostly either staying with him or he is here with us. I don't get much time with just dd. Just this week, they and another friend went on a day trip which dh and I would usually take with dd. Of course it's great that she can be out and about with friends and independent. But I had been looking forward to it and feel very disappointed but of course can't express that at all. Uni was one stage of leaving - the bf is a whole other stage. Together - feels more than I had anticipated. I miss her even when she is actually here - perhaps even more so.

I am adjusting but I think it will never just be absolutely Ok - and maybe that's OK and to be expected.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 05/01/2025 10:10

And don’t forget, there barely is a summer term. In her first year DD was finished 2 weeks after Easter! Last year she was finished by 1st week in May. Probably similar this year.

Jools2113 · 09/04/2025 20:47

My daughter is leaving for uni next fall and I'm already deep in anticipatory grief about it. I hate that I'm having trouble being present with her and really enjoying our time together, but it's really awful knowing that when the leave for uni is the beginning of the end of them actually leaving home and creating their own lives. Which is obviously what we want for them, but why does it have to hurt so much? I have a 13 year old son, and I'm feeling a bit of the same for him, even.

BunnyRuddington · 18/04/2025 08:00

I found the first Semester and Christmas tough too @GinaDreamsofRunningAwayand my DC1 is only 2 hours away. I does get better, you seem to settle into them coming and going a bit more.

I hope she’s home for Easter and you’re looking forward to doing some things together

RampantIvy · 18/04/2025 08:04

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 05/01/2025 10:10

And don’t forget, there barely is a summer term. In her first year DD was finished 2 weeks after Easter! Last year she was finished by 1st week in May. Probably similar this year.

When they move into their second year house many students prefer to spend more time with their friends in their university city rather than stay at home all summer.

StIgantius · 18/04/2025 08:06

My trick when I feel like this is to imagine the opposite- what if ds had come back and said “actually, I’m miserable at uni so I’m
dropping out and will be in my bedroom until further notice”? Would I be happy? Of course not, I’d be terribly sad and worried for him. Helps me focus on the good- he’s out in the world, learning about life and having new experiences- and not the bad.

Other tips- make sure your own life is full and interesting so you don’t have big gaps to fill when your dd goes away. New hobby? Make a plan with a friend you haven’t seen for a while?

Also be nice to yourself because it is bitter-sweet and you’re allowed to feel that. Just make sure that you’re seeing the sweet along with the bitter.

BunnyRuddington · 18/04/2025 08:19

RampantIvy · 18/04/2025 08:04

When they move into their second year house many students prefer to spend more time with their friends in their university city rather than stay at home all summer.

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I bet that’s made the oP feel so much better!

RampantIvy · 18/04/2025 09:53

BunnyRuddington · 18/04/2025 08:19

I bet that’s made the oP feel so much better!

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Hmm. I should have prefaced my comment with "to manage expectations".

We are rural, and DD's friends are quite scattered. There was far more going on in DD's university city than there is at home.

Original poster

GinaDreamsofRunningAway · 18/04/2025 10:49

Thanks for all your recent comments on this. I have to say I have been much better recently so it really does get better and easier.

I actually went up to visit her at the end of January so that really helped and then she was home in March for reading week. Now she is back for Easter and then goes back next Saturday to do her exams and then is home the 2nd week in May for good if she wants to. She has her halls accommodation until July so her plan is to go back and forth between here and there but we will be seeing lots more of her.

I am massively proud of her. She has just coped so well with uni life and independence, managed her money well and been the only one of her flat mates not to lose her accommodation keys 😂

It has been difficult for me at times and there have been times I have missed her so much it physically hurt. But we had weekly facetime calls on a Sunday early evening which we loved and was something to look forward to all week.

But I have learned to appreciate my husband and our relationship so much more and the role we have had in our DD's lives. We actually love being on our own and got into our own little routine.

There is definitely life beyond the kids leaving home, as hard as it might initially be, but like anything, you adjust and get used to things. ❤

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RampantIvy · 18/04/2025 13:14

and then is home the 2nd week in May for good if she wants to.

Is she not continuing with her degree?

Original poster

GinaDreamsofRunningAway · 18/04/2025 13:29

RampantIvy · 18/04/2025 13:14

and then is home the 2nd week in May for good if she wants to.

Is she not continuing with her degree?

Oh yes sorry, when I said for good I meant for the summer! 🙄My brain doesn't appear to be working properly. I think I have had too much chocolate 😂

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VioletSpeedwell · 21/04/2025 10:29

But I have learned to appreciate my husband and our relationship so much more and the role we have had in our DD's lives. We actually love being on our own and got into our own little routine

This is really important, isn't it, as hopefully we'll have many years being just the two of us again.