To feel awkward about my mum having a secret partner

[SillyOchreSheep]

Hey. I’m at uni and come home to my mum’s house in the holidays. I’ve recently realised that my mum has a partner - the other day I saw messages pop up from someone on her phone. I’m happy for her, as she’s been single for a long time. She hasn’t mentioned anything to me yet.

When I was in the loft the other day, I came across one of her notebooks that she’d left open and she’d written that she’s thinking about marrying said partner. I was a bit shocked at this point to realise that she was in a serious relationship that she’s not told me about.

I’ve noticed certain things like her hiding her phone around me and her always asking what time I’m coming back when I’ve been out (I’m assuming so she can make sure he’s gone before I get home). It’s making me uncomfortable at home, like she’s hiding this big secret from me when she doesn’t need to. I don’t have a problem with her having a boyfriend at all. At the same time, I don’t really want to ask her about him because she’ll accuse me of being too nosy, which regrettably maybe I have.

Any advice on this? 😵‍💫

Why would she leave a notebook open in the loft if she is currently seeing this guy? Do you mean it was in her bedroom and you found it there?

Otherwise my first thought was that he was married and she is hoping for a future with him but can't introduce him right now.

We use our loft as a study space but I don’t usually go up there, it’s mostly my mum’s

Haven’t you posted about this before worrying she’d get married?

You need to chill - or ask her directly if you’re that upset. Tell her the truth.

As soon as I realised it was a diary and not a book, I would have closed that page and stopped reading. You really had no right to snoop on her like that. If she wanted you to know, she would have told you. I think she's uncomfortable telling you because she knows what you're like.

What’s the situation with your father? Are they divorced/separated or have you lost your father?

Perhaps your mother may be fearing that a new relationship will make any grief deeper and is delaying for this reason.

If she’s thinking of marrying then she’s surely aware that will eventually have to tell you. Whilst it may hurt that she’s not sharing this partner with you currently, she most likely will in her own time.

And I did! There’s no need to make assumptions about ‘what I’m like’ when you don’t really know what happened x

Perhaps your mum doesn't feel quite ready until she knows for sure that long term/marriage is the direction it's going in OP. I'm not sure of the context with your parents but could that be something to do with it? If she's gone through a difficult divorce, a bereavement etc, she just might not feel comfortable telling you until she's 100%.