DS24 Autism Struggling

[brownbear201]

Hello all,

I would love to hear some success stories of your young adults with autism eventually thriving as I am really worried about my DS or even just some advice on how to get him support. He is 24 and autistic and was diagnosed in his late teens after years of difficulty and multiple school exclusions due to outbursts. He is a very clever young man and would mask until he couldn’t and it would erupt. By 15 he was in a PRU and focused on his special interests rather than academic work and became extremely isolated. He’s always been challenging to manage at home with his sensory issues and outbursts when overwhelmed but we managed. At 17 he self studied some GCSEs and started sixth form where he finished with all A stars in his A Levels. He was offered a place at the University of Edinburgh and he was so excited but didn’t last 24 hours before it became too much for him and as he often does when his routine is disrupted, he panicked and came home.

He was able to get a last minute spot at a good university close to home and graduated in 2022 with a first class economics degree whilst living at home. He’s always been good with kids and wanted to pursue a career in education especially because of his own struggles with education. After graduating he continued to live at home and worked as an apprentice teaching assistant. He was ok at the job but didn’t get along well with the class teacher who found him frustrating to work with because he didn’t use his initiative well and would take things literally. For example, the teacher once told him to sort a task out if he got a minute. Of course she was implying to do the task but he took it literally and didn’t do the task because he didn’t get a minute as he was focused on another task.

After this, we weren’t convinced that teaching was the right career for him but he insisted and completed a Pgce last year. To be fair he did well, despite a few blips and got good feedback. He then got a teaching job to start this September and he was so excited and moved out to his own flat. Sadly he didn’t last until October half term in the job. He did well with the kids but struggled to manage the behaviour needs in the class as it triggered his autism and he struggled massively with the workload and completing everything such as displays and marking. The school kept telling him to ask for support which he did but he said the advice boiled down to him not being creative enough when teaching or needing to multitask more effectively. Eventually just before half term he went off sick for a week and the school told him not to come back and paid him in lieu for his notice period.

So now he is in his flat doing nothing. He has applied for jobs and is getting interviews as he has a good CV but isn’t getting past the interview stage. He thinks it’s a combination of his autistic traits such as lack of eye contact and going off on a tangent in the interview and that the reference from the school he worked at likely isn’t glowing. One school he interviewed at for a HLTA job offered him a L2 teaching assistant job instead that they said they felt he would be more suited for and he got really upset about that as he is a qualified teacher.

I feel so sad that he is so capable and intelligent yet cannot cope with daily life. Even his flat is a complete mess and he just cannot cope with it. He’s socially isolated and can’t maintain relationships with others. He does have special interests but they translate to careers that wouldn’t suit. He loves history and economics but academia would likely be too much for him in terms of pressure, he loves trains and wanted to be a train driver but he struggles at practical tasks (he has passed his car theory test multiple times but cannot pass the practical), he loves forensics and law but a career in those fields are obviously high pressure. He just seems stuck and I don’t know how to help him. Would love to hear others success stories of their young adults.

The Scope support to work scheme might be useful to him. It offers 12 weeks worth of support with an advisor, and they can help look over his CV, go over practice interviews with him etc, which can help build confidence. Support to Work | Disability charity Scope UK

Once he secures a job, he can access the access to work scheme Access to work - In Work Support - Autism Plus SES which is designed to help autistic people settle into jobs. Scope can assist also once he has started work.

This sounds difficult, but he has actually achieved so much!! What does he say about his situation? He seems to be struggling with the communication parts of his job? How about online tutoring? It get rids of all the admin side of teaching.

Thank you both. He seems frustrated, he knows there is a significant gap between his academic abilities and his practical skills. He did consider tutoring but stated that the market is oversaturated and he wanted more stable work. Since I posted this he has gotten himself a job although it doesn't start until mid-January. It's not a job he wants to do in the long term but it should keep him going for now. He has gotten it into his head in the past few weeks that he wants to do an apprenticeship in a different field from September as the contract on his flat is up in September (he can't pay his bills on an apprentice wage). Great in theory, but it means he would need to return to living at home.

I think it's admirable that he just keeps trying. Eventually he will land something that suits him. Bravo him for keeping on keeping on (passing his driving theory multiple times and never giving up for example). Really, bravo.

I thought I would update this thread. DS starts his new job tomorrow as a SEND TA. He'll be working in a specialist school. He's very nervous but I think it should be a lot better for him- higher pupil to staff ratios so he has help if needed and he doesn't have the responsibility of a full class teacher. Plus he's only got an initial working period of four weeks before half term. The school primarily focuses on children with ASD. Obviously he's ASD himself so I'm hoping he won't feel as isolated working here as he normally does in a workplace. He's also starting looking at PhD programmes for his passion of economic history. I'm a bit concerned that he's pushing himself a bit too much again but I'm hoping it works out for him!

He also visited the GP and they sent off a referral for ADHD for him. The bad news is the waiting list is five years long!!!

Congratulations and best of luck to your DS! For the ADHD assessment, call the doctors and ask for him to be referred through the right to choose program. There is a list of providers here, you'll need to pick one to give the name to the GP, but it means the wait is only a couple of weeks rather than years! Right to Choose - ADHD UK. They might say that since they've already put the referral in that they can't change it, but you can ask for it to be revoked and a new referral put in via the right to choose pathway.

My adult son has Aspergers. Reasonable degree after grammar school education with no acknowledgement of his difficulties. Degree in French and Italian. Gained PSV licence. Only time he has used his degree was to swear fluently in Italian at a tourist when my son was working for a national coach company. So many job dismissals!
At last (after a decade or so) he has agreed that a job with minimal contact with people is best, so after getting HGV (2) licence he drives at night.
He has own house. I don't visit as I get upset by the state it's in, but he has a cleaner, so it is sanitary but horrendously untidy. He will always be a worry to me.

Sounds very similar to my DS sadly. His house is also a tip most of the time too. He just can't seem to keep on top of it and I know it bothers him too. I do worry about how isolated he is- he has no friends or relationships and won't even go in the staff room at lunchtime because he struggles with the small talk. I've considered encouraging him to apply for PIP so he can get things like a cleaner or pay for private support too but I'm not convinced he'd get anything as he comes across as 'high functioning' when in reality he is anything but.

Yes, my DS has struggled massively with job dismissals and poor references too. He's always worked in education but he mentioned that schools support SEND students massively but seem to have no tolerance for SEND adults and expect him to act neurotypically and become annoyed when he doesn't. It's such a shame because he's so clever.

His first week as a TA has gone well. He's enjoying working with the students but, as always, is struggling with his colleagues. He told me he thinks he is bad at the job because the other TA in the class told him he just needs to jump in when needed rather than waiting for instruction. It's so frustrating and I'm so worried he's going to end up long-term unemployed because I know that's not what he wants.