Do you have a good relationship with your mum?

[Tessasays]

I'm 30 and I have never had a great relationship with my mum. She was physically abusive when I was growing up, she would grab the nearest thing and launch it at my face if she didn't like my tone, or whatever. Once grabbed me and my sister by the hair and banged our heads together because we were bickering, she only fed us if she was hungry, that was a good one. One time she was having an arguement with my sister in the car she was maybe 10? She was sat in the front seat, And she grabbed my sisters pony tail in her hand and kept hold of it while she did the gears all the home, so my sisters head was by her knees and she was screaming and crying. (Horrific)

Shes calmer now she's in her 50's but the real nasty woman from before is still in there. She once smacked my son on Christmas Day because he didn't want to share a titanic Lego set with a 3 year old. Perfectly reasonable to not want your exspensive present ruined when you've just got it. I ruined Christmas Day by going ballistic and taking my son home. She's never done it again but I'll never ask her to babysit

as an adult if the rest of my family, gran and 2 sisters weren't such a big part of my life I'd go NC but i don't feel like i can now, seen as she's pretty mellow these days i feel like i have to just grin and bear it these days.

That's horrific op. I'm so sorry. Your mum was/is a horrible bully.

I lost my mum as a young teenager, but I now live with one of my daughters and her two children. We share child care and household responsibilities and have a great relationship.

im sorry you had such a rough time with your mother, OP.

I'm sorry you lost your own mum so young, your dynamic with your own daughter sounds lovely

I'm so very very sorry OP. Your mum was clearly not made for motherhood. I think she's incredibly lucky that you haven't chosen to go NC.
I have been very fortunate with my relationship with my mum. We weren't close when I was a nightmare teenager, but she's my best friend now.
Not sure what my teenage daughter would say about our relationship as we do bicker, but nothing like what you experienced :(

Op that's awful, I am surprised you are still in touch.
Have you had help to move on and process this?

I am NC with my mum.

My mum was physically abusive (although not quite as bad as what you've described) and also emotionally abusive.

I have a relationship with her but I still have a lot of simmering resentment and anger.

She was a bit of a loose cannon when I was a kid. I was very wary of her and her fluctuating moods.

She's definitely more mellow now but can still be a bitch when the mood takes her.

It's really hard. Sorry you're going through this.

Nowadays I'll do things with her if my sisters are involved, but I always come home in bad mood and feel drained from pretending to get along all day, and she always insists on a kissing me on the check and exchanging love you's which I do half heartedly.

there's been instances in my adult life where she's awful and I always think one more things and I'm off. When I had my first child I was 20. She invited herself to the birth which I wasn't keen on but she wasn't taking no for answer, she kept telling me to shut the f up, and stop swearing "ironic" she made me apologise to the midwife for screaming. (As if I wasn't literally pushing a 9lb baby out) eventually when it got to the nitty gritty I grew a back bone and told her to just sit on the chair and not move untill he was born.

Despite being there at the birth and visiting the next day in hospital she turned up at my door about an hour after we got home at which time my ex's parents where meeting him for the first time. Holding a blue baby bath in hands. I answered the door and said oh sorry mum, oh's parents are here visiting at the moment could you come back in an hour or so? (She's very OTT and makes everything about her, she hadn't met his parents yet and tbh I wanted to keep it that way which is why I tried to send her away) she went bloody mental and threw the bath into the street, cracking it and said to my sister who was a kid at the time "c'mon get in the car where clearly not welcome" I
felt so awkward I just said no fine come in, how embarrassing I'm crying, she's come storming in the lounge fuming holding a broken baby bath. Welcome to the family other grandparents 🫣

My mum died 20 years ago but she was a difficult person. She was always right and never admitted if she was wrong. She always spoke to me like I was nothing and she carried on doing it when I had my own home. I think I was always scared of her but I can't imagine I'd let her get away with it if she were still here. She was a bully and I was a people pleaser. She had absolutely no respect for me and if I ever tried to confide in her, her stock answer was Don't be so soft

My "D" was violent and rarely fed us but I think your "D"M was on another level.

I only see my DM once a week and she rarely sees her DGC. She only comes to ours on Christmas Dayand that's because last time she came I saw her trying to hit the DDog with her walking stick.

Have a read up on Fear, Obligation & Guilt, get yourself some therapy and consider going NC

Yes, but only on a superficial level. My mother would never be the person I can turn to if I need help with anything, she’s severely mentally ill and it went untreated most of her life.

When I was younger it was far worse, at least now with medical intervention and proper medication she’s okay and not abusive.