At a loss with DS20

[LennyBalls]

DS 20 is very bright but has ADHD so ALevel results not good. He didn't want to go to uni and was really lucky to get a degree apprenticeship. However 18 months in he got made redundant. He passed his first insurance exam but failed the second one. Apart from this his company had been bought out so he would have been made redundant eventually anyway. This was in June and despite applying for hundreds of jobs he can't get one. He also can't seem to secure a part time job. I think he is becoming depressed.

Along side the above, he has always had an issue with food and stomach problems. He is allergic to nuts (has an Epi Pen) and also seems to be lactose intolerant. He has an extremely limited diet. He says fresh fruit and veg make his mouth itchy.

Every day he doesn't eat his full calorie count and either has vomiting or diarrhea. He's definitely not making himself sick I know that.

I know this is bothering him and contributes to his depression but he won't go to the gp as he has a massive needle phobia and he's scared they will take bloods. Whenever he has had blood tests in the past he faints and then vomits about five times before he leaves the blood test office.

When I Google how to put on weight, it's usually nuts, cheese etc but he can't eat those.

Protein shakes also upset his stomach.

At a total loss what to do. I have tried tough love to get him to gp and gently gently.

Is he normal weight?
Why is he having vomiting and loose stool? How long for? Any bleeding? Any pattern? Any abdominal pains?
What does he like/ tolerate eating?

The vomiting and loose stool is not normal, take him to the Dr to have a general check and chat.

If they lie him down to take the blood during and after the test should help with the faintness

He is borderline underweight. Right on the cusp. He has had diarrhea for a long while. I think it's because of the food intolerances.
Even if I suggest blood test lying down he won't go.

And every time I mention going for a chat he won't do that either.
I know it's because he is so phobic of needles.

He looks very gaunt. Sunken cheek bones

He says no bleeding

He eats very limited things. Pizza, pasta, lasagne, sausages, ham and bread. That's about it.

Have you tried a vegan protein shake? I can highly recommend Awesome Vegan Supplements, natural dairy free protein with no crap in.

If he’s lactose, standard protein shakes are full of whey so will upset him.

Does he take any vitamins? I’d look at an A-Z, iron and a vitamin d spray to get him feeling himself again.

To put on weight he just needs to eat good food, chicken, rice and green veggies, steak, eggs and veggies etc clean food.

Have you looked at volunteering for him?

DHL are nationally training drivers for class 2 drivers. My DS with ADHD did it with DHL and they paid for everything, his driving lessons, theory test and medical. You have to agree to work for them for a minimum of 2 years after they put you through the test. They have a decent pension scheme too. My DS went on to do his class 1 test after the 2 years. There is a shortage of lorry drivers.

@AperolWhore Thank you I have ordered the vegan protein powder you suggested.

@caringcarer thank you. I have forwarded that on to him.

The ADHD makes me suspect the underlying problem is anxiety. If I were you I’d take him to a naturopath and get him on some herbal supplements to calm his system down a bit and then take stock.

Probiotics and a good multivitamin would be a good start.

itchy mouth sounds like oral allergy syndrome. Cooking the fruit or maybe even blending it might help.

what about a telephone gp appointment (or a private video one if funds allow) so he feels less put on the spot / like he might be pressured or tricked into a blood test?

Could it be gluten intolerance? His favourite foods are mostly gluten-y.

My GP thought I had lactose intolerance but it turned out to be wheat.

@dinmin good shout re private video GP appointment 👍🏻

Yes could well be wheat I guess. He eats a lot of bread.

It sounds like maybe he could be celiac or have IBS? I think his eating issues could be making it harder to concentrate, motivate himself etc.
What kind of work does he want to do? Is there further study he could do to get there?
Does he want to work in finance/insurance etc? It's certainly not for everyone.
I'd say tell him to get tested for celiac/IBS . I don't even know if they need to use needles? Could he take some kind of benzo before the appointment if he's nervous? If he refuses to go to the doctors that's a real shame. Would he consider counselling?
I hope things improve for him.

Ideally insurance but would consider finance too. At this point I think it would do him good to do anything.

I can’t help on the rest but my DD has several allergies and food intolerances and some fruits particularly make her mouth itchy - not enough to trigger a shock but uncomfortable.

The doctor said she’s intolerant to pollen and since it’s present, well, in every fruit, she’ll notice it more in some rather than others. There’s an actual name for it but English is my second language and I was way too nervous so I can’t remember it 😩She also needs to be careful with honey and makeup.

Your DS sounds more like a case of restrictive diet, maybe due to anxiety/ADHD?

Sounds like anxiety to me - ds had it every bloody Monday at school - he wasn't aware that he was anxious but it disappeared over the summer holidays - he's always had stomach issues but anxiety makes it all so much worse but getting him to recognise anxiety as a cause has helped.

This must be so worrying for you. Does he want to consider higher education? Maybe at a local university. The eating issues could be to do with anxiety and/or adhd.

Would he agree to a private psychologist? There is also an organisation for Arfid - can't remember what it's called. It's going to be tricky to deal with this without ruling out an organic cause though.

www.arfidawarenessuk.org/

I was going to say that it could be ARFID too.

And are you sure it's Lactose Intolerance and not CMPA? CMPA affects about one in ten of the population and seems more common in ND rather than NT people.

Cutting out dairy might just stop his bowel problems. Since I've cut it out I've been able to put weight on which does seem counterintuitive but the dairy was making me so ill.