Thoughts on rent charges for DD

[SB1971]

I know this is a somewhat controversial topic but be good to get some thoughts from outside the family.
DD19 got good A levels ,went travelling and has now got a degree apprenticeship in the police starting next year.
She has always worked whilst in college and now in a zero hours job.
We have never charged her rent and her £ is her own , we are not wealthy but don’t need it from her at all. When she starts her apprenticeship I think she should start to pay us some nominal rent, I can keep it to one side for a deposit when she moves out but I kind of think she needs to do this vs my DH who thinks we don’t needthe £ and let’s just trust her to do her own saving. She is quite a good saver but I think it is good practice for her to start to see some of her £ go out at the start of each month.
Sorry for the long post-thought be good to provide context.

Our flexible 'policy' is that if children are studying, they pay us nothing as their earnings are supporting them as students. Obviously apprentices are different to that as they're being paid. While our adult children are trying to save in a sensible way with a plan to progressing and moving out, we just ask that they don't cost us money and contribute their proportion of bills (not mortgage as we would be paying that anyway). For our child on a zero hours contract, we then adapted that calculation according to the percentage of FT hours she managed to work each week. We had a spreadsheet that she shared that did the sums and she then transferred the money each week.

This is on the basis we accept it is unaffordable for young people to move out easily nowadays but we also don't want to be funding them being able to just have fun and want to help them learn how to budget and plan etc.

My eldest is nearly 20 doing an higher electrical apprenticeship.
I am single parent but I believe I would want him contributing anyway as like you say I feel it's important to learn financial commitments come with age. He pays me £200 a month I agree that that covers all his food in the house but he provides his own food for work separately. This has still left him with the ability to run a car, save and go to concerts/festivals he wants to from time to time. He also seems to feel good that he is an adult contributing even if its more a gesture.
No one instinctively knows about money management it's a learned skill and needs carful teaching/guidance as it will make their future so much easier imo.

Our DS started a degree apprenticeship two years ago, and lives at home. We didn't charge him rent, he saved well and we were happy with that.

I'm not happy now but that has everything to do with the dynamics around a new GF (a scenario which we never imagined - very different from experiences with other GF) which has regressed him in some ways to entitled teenager.

I'm left wondering if charging him board and having more of a clear agreement in place would've helped with the current situation. I would now say charge board and make it more formal - the transition from child/teenager living at home to that of earning young adult.

Saving grace, hopefully in more ways that one, is that he is going to work abroad for a few months soon - so we can re-set properly when he gets back.

We allowed dd to stay with us rent-free during her placement year - she paid for the extra costs of living with us - a bit on food and energy, she saved quite a bit. We have offered ds the same deal - we said one year free to establish your savings, get a nest egg behind you and then we will change them a small rent - ds asked if we were going to put the rent aside and give it back to him for a deposit just like other parents do - he was brutally honest and here's where I am uncomfortable with this situation - that's not rent it's enforced savings and I feel it's infantilising them - they need to save and they need to learn to budget not expect us to do the saving for them.
So despite us being fairly well off and not needing the money, whatever money we ask for in rent will not be going back to them - it's an unhealthy approach to take if they have expectations that they will pay rent and then get handed the "rent" money back.
I'm sure they are all switched on enough to know that's this is the way these things are done.

Sounds like you need to establish new grounds.

If she is sensible, then why not let her move a certain amount into savings at the start of each month herself?

We charged dd £50 per week when she lived at home and was working full time last year. She was on not much more than minimum wage. I worked out that was roughly what it cost us in extra food and bills.

She was fine with that as she had previously lived in a house share paying WAY more than that without food/bills.

We trust ours to save , it infantilises them taking their money and saving it for them . Obviously different if you actually need them to pay .

We charge DS £200 a month. It's a token amount, frankly, as he's earning. But I think once they are young adults and earning they need to see that you have to pay something towards the roof over your head, the bills and the food.

£50 a week seems reasonable for an apprenticeship. Most folks spend around 30% of wages on rent, I think. The danger in NOT charging is that they end up with far more disposable income a month then we have - and this is not what happens in the real world. You don't get to work full time and keep every penny.