So hard being an adult. Please be kind don't judge.

[Daffy01]

I suffer with anxiety which has got worse since the menopause. I'm divorced with a new partner. Over the last week.....My DD has been caught with cannabis in her car had a positive roadside test and will probably loose her license and of course theres the possibilityof a massive fine a criminal record etc - any advice at all here would be much appreciated as I'm going out of my mind and it's all I can think about. Can't eat can't sleep, i cry all the time. Apart from this stupid mistake though she's a good kid.
My Mum has just found out her bladder cancer has come back and will need an op in the next few weeks and possibly treatment.
I think my ex is about to announce his engagement which the kids are upset about.
Other minor stuff going on but because my anxiety is through the roof every other thing that happens feels major and its all chipping away at me. Last time I felt like this I had a breakdown.
My partner isn't very supportive and I feel I have no one else to talk to. I don't want to talk to family because it's too close and I don't feel comfortable as well as there being my Mum's illness so I don't want to bother them.
I don't want any judgement, I just need some help. I've tried to email various charities for online support group information but no one responds. At my wits ends.

That sounds an overwhelming amount of awful stuff to deal with, Op. What are looking for support with (not being arsed, not sure whether you want practical info or a safe space to discuss your problems)?

Just any help really. If anyone has been through anything similar with the cannabis problem it would be great to know how they got through what they did etc. Or if anyone knows of any support groups. Someone to talk to would be good. I so much appreciate you taking the time to reply.

https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-a-z-mental-health-guide/drugs-and-alcohol/

https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/blog/looking-after-yourself-as-a-parent/

I hear you op. Coping with menopause, elderly parents and teens, all at the same time, is no joke at all. Good luck 🌻

Hard as it sounds, you can support your dd but not solve it for her. This is on her. I'm glad she got caught because driving when stoned is not OK. You will both get through it.

The other thing to remember op is that the anxiety is exacerbated at this parenting stage because you are no longer in control. You can advise and support from a distance but after that it's down to your adult child to deal with the consequences of their mistakes. And it's really, really hard standing back and seeing them make those mistakes in the first place.

Ditto your ex getting engaged. It's not your job to deal with all of the fallout.

It's so hard with your mum's diagnosis too. Another thing which is outside of your control.

If you can access some talking therapy via your GP to support you through this difficult period, that would be great.

If you can't though, then I think you need to take a breath, step back, and try and focus on your own well-being. Try and remove yourself a little emotionally. It's very hard but you can't support anyone if you are not in good shape yourself. So ring fence a bit of time for yourself to relax and do things that being you peace and enjoyment. And focus on good sleep, a healthy diet and a daily walk if you can.

Also, remember that just by being there, and listening, and supporting, even if it's in the background, you ARE helping!

No advice on the police front, but if she’s honest you’d hope she’ll just get a warning and take heed.

I can hear your desperation though. I’d suggest a chat with your GP with a view to getting some talking therapy.

We’ve noticed how charities have really pulled back on their chat lines so I can’t really suggest those but remember Samaritans are always there.

As PP said, you need to take some time for yourself. Most of those situations are out of your control.

How much did they find?

We can't control every aspect of our adult children's lives, and nor should we. She has made a mistake and will pay the price. But it isn't the end of the world and she will get over it.

I'm more concerned about you having a partner who is not supporting you when you are going through so many changes.

Thanks so much for all of these replies it really helps more than you know.

I'm not sure how much cannabis she was found with. The night was such a trauma as she wasn't allowed to make contact with anyone. It's taken us days to get over that trauma in itself.

I will look through all the links and suggestions that have been made.

Thank you all.

Your daughter should certainly lose her licence if she's been driving under the influence, to protect anyone she might injure or kill. For your sake I hope she doesn't get anything else and she learns her lesson, I would be furious with her though.

Your mum, sorry to hear it but it’s out of your control, you can’t change it so try not to worry, wait until you know more

your dd, it’s not like she was dealing heroin, she’s an adult, she’ll have to deal with the consequences, all you can do is be there

If your partner isn’t supportive do you have friends or family who are?

for each thing, just consider whether you can change it or not. If you cant, try to let it go

Easier said than done I know. Good luck.