Should I visit DD this weekend?

[Hoppinggreen]

DD seems to have settled into Uni pretty well, good balance between work and play (I think) but has been ill for the last 2 weeks. She got the usual Freshers flu and seemed to get over that but then went downhill again yesterday after spending Monday afternoon outside at a sporting event. She had a bit of an "episode" yesterday morning walking to a lecture and couldn't breathe and her vision blurred. She phoned a friend (luckily she has quickly made good friends) who came and met her and helped her back to her room. She got an Docs appointment and actually fell asleep in the waiting room. Her BP was very high and her oxygen was low and the Doc did ask if she could have been spiked but she hadn't as she wasn't even out the night before.
She is staying in her room for now but is coughing a lot and not sleeping well and feels awful, she has asthma and was hospitalised for it a couple of times when young so I always worry about her breathing
I am thinking of going to see her on Sunday but DH thinks I am being OTT. Its under 2 hours away and I have no plans that day - should I go? Or at least ask DD if I should? I don't want her to feel smothered but I am worried.
Her BF is there and she has nice friends, part of me thinks I should leave her to it but part of me thinks she needs her Mum
Honest opinions please

Go, take her for lunch. It’s normal I’ve had a text from mine saying how much she misses home too.

Ok, thank you everyone
I have messaged her
"Hi DD, hope you are a bit better this morning. Would you like me to pop down tomorrow or Sunday? I am happy to but its ok if you don't want me to. I could bring <cakes from favourite shop>? Anyway, up to you but let me know"

I am known for being a bit bossy and am really really trying not to be so I think thats why I am second guessing myself so much. With DS it would be "shall I come?" and he would say yes or no. So much easier

Definitely offer

I'd go and see her especially as she has asthma. Has she been given steroids?

My freshers flu ended up as pneumonia and an emergency pickup by my parents. I had no idea how ill I was and thought I was just homesick

"It is great you have friends there to help and that you have seen the doc. Good decision. I am happy to pop over if that would help. Just let me know. Sending love"

She does have an inhlaer . The Doc said that her breathing was bad but not A&E worthy. Her Blood pressure is a concern as usually its low so for it to be high it must have really shot up.
I imagine that Campus GP's are seeing a lot of similar cases due to burning the candle at both ends but I honestly don'y think thats what shes been doing. She has never been the most robust healthwise and has given us a few scares.
I am also worried that if she can't get to the dining room in her catered halls she won't eat, although a friends Mum dropped soup off last week.

That's a perfect message OP. Let's her know you're concerned and care, but leaves the ball in her court. It's so difficult with DCs this age.

My DD had horrible tonsilitis when she was in her first year. DH did a massive round trip to pick her up and bring her home .... she still mentions this fondly several years on. 18 is still very young.

Go. You sound lovely.

Am sure she will say yes

If it s not a no
But if you want
Then go!

Had a reply
That would be really nice if you are sure, its a lot of driving.
Looks like I am going tomorrow, thank you so much every one

Personally I'd book a Premier Inn if one is nearby, under the guise of breaking up the driving but to give her the option to bunking in with you if she wants. Some of them do twin beds.

Aww thats brought a tear to my eye. You both sound very close and its just what my mum would do. My DS is at Uni and understand the dilemma of letting them get on with it or do the mum instinct thing and drive to look after them.

I would ask her. I asked my dd if she wanted me to collect her and bring her home when she was ill. She said no, but later told me that the offer had really made her feel better and more supported . I sent her a care package and paid for a pizza delivery so she didn’t have to cook.
the uni is 4 hrs away and I would drive that easily to get to her if she wanted.

Awwwwwww.

Hope she's better soon and you take all her fav treats!

Thank you
She had a lot of MH issues and a Gap year post A levels so we are pretty close as she needed a lot of support to get to where she is now.
She has made a much better start at Uni than I had even dared to hope and I don't want to undo the new independance by being over the top but I want to make sure she still feels supported.
I didn't have the best role model, my Mum was over the top performance best mum in the world when there was an audience (all my friends thought she was amazing) but was pretty unbothered and/or unpleasant if there was nobody to show off to so i try REALLY hard to get the balance right

This ^
or offer to come and bring things/ take her washing with you (I know I will be hammered for this now 🙂 but it’s very helpful when you are unwell)
it very much depends on your relationship. My DD would like me to come but I wouldn’t want my mum to come as she would comment ( criticize me) a lot.

Ask her . I would definitely want to see her if it was my daughter.
I hope she is ok. It's so difficult being the parent if adult children! She is still your child though and you will worry

Definitely ask her first, but I’d be there today unless she didn’t want me to

Good for you

I think you could have a heart to heart with DD and say that you are trying to find your way with letting her find her wings, and can she help you. That you wont be offended if she tells you to back off and that if she wants to lean on you then to let you know. DC flying the nest some times needs some scaffolding rather than just dumping them and that applies to the parents as well as the dc

Just tell her you're thinking of visiting, if she is adamant she doesn't need you to then respect that.
I'd be tempted to go and get her tonight and take her back Sunday or Monday morning though tbh so she can have some home comforts over the weekend.

So change of plan
She just called and asked if she can come home for the weekend, she offered to get a train but I am setting off now (luckily SE) and DH will take her back on Sunday - and set up her wifi.
She says shes ok but wants her own bed and her cat, She is veggie and I have no food in for her but I can sort something out.
Thanks everyone, God this is tougher than the Toddler and teenager years in many ways

Ain't that the truth? Everyone moaning about toddlers, piece of piss compared to young adults. That sounds like a good plan, well done.

I think you/ she is doing the right thing - coming home for some R&R. DS was really quite ill with sore throat etc in first few weeks and we did a 3 hour trip to scoop him up on the Friday. He didn't need to be back until the Tuesday and the 3 days made a huge difference.