It's all downhill from here!

[tripletwo]

That's ds's view of life.

We have given him a lovely life - too lovely, he's never had to worry for a second about how he could afford anything - financial worries have passed him by. I thought he had to budget whilst being a student but he said he felt very comfortable. He feels he can never attain the lifestyle he was brought up with and thinks life ahead for him will be awful, he dwells on this and he can't talk to anyone about it because he recognises that no one will have any sympathy for him. He doesn't want to spend any money - he just wants to save for the life that won't bring him any joy because he can't live in an area as nice as we live in now.

He doesn't handle it very well when we withdraw financial support on each element of his life now he's earning - to give an example - dental checkups and mobile phone bills. I don't remember finding it this hard to stop relying on my parents. His aim is to save at least £6k this year, which is great but not when he's expecting us to pay for all his bills, everything has to be negotiated with him - every chore and every bill.

They leave for 3 years and life at home is blissful and without drama and then they come back and it feels like we lunge from one crisis to another. One minute they act like they are helpless 10 year olds and the next they are independent stay out of my life!

Venting really as this is us just adjusting to a different set of rules but dh and I just want to go back to a quiet life. Is anyone else struggling with having their kids back?

We continued to support our DS when he moved back home after Uni. He took over most of his own expenses - car etc but lived rent free on the understanding that he saved for a house deposit.
3 years on and he's just put an offer in on a small terraced house. It is by no means what he's used to - although he lived in something similar as a student, but he is more than happy to make that leap as he wants his own place. I've no doubt that we will continue to help him out with bits (I suspect the house will need a new boiler which he won't be able to afford) but as he's now an only child (his sibling died a number of years ago) I see little point in making him wait for an inheritance when he needs the help now.

@Gcsunnyside23 The balance is hard to strike. On this thread I’ve been told he needs to grow up and he needs to stop behaving like a middle age depressive and needs to have some fun. He graduated in July. He been working for two months now.
Dh and I both lived in complete dumps when we were at uni, and when we started our careers, he just can’t accept that as reality. He thinks he’s never going to have it so good again he’s just going to be living to work and pay the rent and is struggling to see the point. Im sure by Christmas he’ll have relaxed a bit but for now he’s worried about his future and is maybe overthinking it.

Two months is not long at all and despite how it seems hardly anyone gets a graduate job straight away. I’d give him time to get on his feet but make it clear that he can’t live for free for ever. I took it in stages - sort own car, pay for the phone then start paying rent. My DS has offered to pay more but I want him to save and he is being sensible. I’d feel more annoyed if I was charging low rent and he was spending wildly. He isn’t.

Part of the problem is many kids will never attain their parent's lifestyles. We did our time in scummy house shares, it wasn't character developing, just depressing and affected my health. It was the reason most of my friends married young.
The property to wages ratio is just too large now, deposits needed are too high.
We bought dumps and renovated them and moved up that way, but now we are finding the current cost of building materials is too much even for us to make repairs on our house.
We're also a bit shocked by how much other parents are subbing their kids into adulthood - yes, most parents we know are putting some of that rent money away for their adult children's house deposit.
It's a stretch for us even funding our share of the kids uni costs.
One of our kids (also the ND one) worries dreadfully about her future.
We also had it easier in a lot of ways - take your example of dental care, there are no NHS dentists in our area now, dental bills privately are phenomenal.
As 50+yr adults we are struggling with how much more expensive life has become - how are our children supposed to manage?

My son is in minimum wage but pays for his own phone, dental, hair, etc. I don't charge him rent (he lives in a property I own) but socialising, his food, utilities, council tax etc he pays for and has done since he was 20. He's trying to save fur a car but doesn't complain about taking the bus!

Forgive me but isn't he getting worried far too prematurely?
He's only just left Uni, does he have no desire to have fun, travel, enjoy being young? All this talk of saving and expecting you to save his rent makes him sound like he's missing out on just being young and carefree?