Am I losing touch?

[TheolderIget]

Coming up to my DD’s 40th birthday and I have been asked for something which I think is very expensive, but in no way special. i.e. not a keepsake.

No alternatives, this is all she wants.

This has really set me thinking. Am I losing touch with the cost of things? Are my normal Birthday / Christmas gifts mean?

I know budgets will vary, but could I get some insights into what you would consider a normal amount to spend on a Birthday / Christmas gift for your adult child? and do you give extra for a special Birthday?

Can I also ask and whether you spend more on your gifts to your children than they spend on you?

£100 (plus lunch/dinner/cake for birthday). Nothing extra for special birthday except 21. Apart from the youngest all are self sufficient. Might spend more if they were struggling money wise

They don't spend so much - I'm quite eco so they ask me what I want and buy it for me. I choose something £20-50.

There is absolutely nothing wrong in saying I can't afford that, can you think of something cheaper? If she is 40 you must be in your 60s and you need your money!

I don't think it really matters how much anybody else spends on their child. Sometimes it gets bit depressing when people spend a lot more. if it's an unreasonable price then just tell her.

Just out of interest if you have had your 60th, how much did she spend?

It’s all relative.

How many children do you have, how big is your family, how many other birthdays do you need to take into consideration.

How much do you earn, are you well off, can you afford a bigger budget?

If you have 5 kids, 8 Grandkids and you’re struggling on minimum wage then yes it’s too much.

If she’s you’re only child and you are comfortable in life and not checking the bank balance, no it isn’t too much.

Well it was dhs 40th a few months back; and MIL got him nothing not even a card so you're fully in your rights to tell her it's to expensive.

I get nothing - haven’t done since I got married at 27 - I got a card for a while though. They are not poor btw.

I get £25 in cash as DM never knows what to buy me!

Really it all depends on how much you can afford and how much you want to. Some people will give nothing others will give a world cruise. I do give more for milestone birthdays, but it's up to you. I certainly wouldn't stretch myself, it's a gift.

Does she always ask for big presents? Or is this new? Is she married or with a partner? I’m wondering if on some levels be just wants a fuss and looking to you to provide it.

Usually £100-200 for birthdays and Xmas but a few stocking fillers too, it's just easier for them to buy whatever they want themselves. If it's a special birthday I ask if there is anything special they want and this has ranged between £500-1000 (as an example a smart tv was one request). I'm not well off but just very frugal over the years after being short of money when they were growing up, I think I over compensate for that, none of them expect it. I find it easy to dole out money and gifts to my kids but difficult to spend on myself but I'm trying to change that now. If I couldn't afford it they would be perfectly OK with that.