Did anyone else struggle when their adult children left?

[Inthemeadowsofdoom]

Because I have been completely falling apart and it is pathetic.

DD and I have always been very close and done a lot together, I have been a single parent and dd is autistic so it has always just been us, she never has been super social so almost always has been with me and then bam suddenly she has basically stealth moved out.
she is spending most nights of the week at her boyfriends parents house with him. She has been back a couple of times last week to restock clothes and sleep and then she is off again.

So much of my life has been built around her that I do not know what to do with myself now.

To be honest it is harder because I am stuck in a bit of limbo because she both lives here and yet does not. Help!

That sounds so difficult

Do you think it’s the way it’s happened without any sort of big announcement and still having one foot in the door that’s been unsettling? Or did you expect she would stay for much longer living with you (which may be completely reasonable depending on her lifestyle/needs)?

If you felt on any level that she was likely to stay with you for a long time, perhaps even forever, I’d imagine this is probably going to be tricky for you to overcome quickly, and if it’s an option then seeking a short course of counselling might be worth considering.

Could you look at it differently, and tell yourself it was always going to happen, and this way you still get some time with her, and it’s preparation for moving out/away entirely at some point?

You mentioned she isn’t super social…does this apply to you too? Even if things changed after becoming a single parent, would you like to spend more time with friends/make new friends?

Sorry that’s loads of questions, it’s just a few things that occurred to me, so no need to answer the questions on here or anything! Just some things to think about maybe.

All the best.

Thank you

I think the fact that it is happening how it is has made it harder.
She both lives here and does not so I do not feel like I can deal with it and get over it if that makes sense. I think if she had just gone and I had helped her pack or whatever like you do when they go to university then my brain would have dealt with it better but she is always welcome here and I do not want to tell her to move out properly for my own head.

Yes there was an impression that she would need to life with me for longer, she has always been very insistent on this to the point a will of my parents was altered to make accommodations for that. I am obviously thrilled for her that that is not going to be the case because I had worried so much about what would happen when I was gone but I still seem to be doing all the caring duties and dealing her all of forms, applications, phone calls, meds, doctors things anyway.

To be honest partially because of her needs and partially because she just would not leave the house much previously I have become entirely isolated. I do not have friends locally or any hobbies. I have signed up for a couple of things and I need to look for new work that is not work from home as I have had to do to be there for her needs for the last years,

and to answer I am not really spending time with her. She comes back and sleeps and restocks clothes and goes again.

That’s a huge change in your life so of course you feel unsettled. But it’s a wonderful chance to get that new job, try the new interests and show her the many opportunities out there. It might well be the best time of your life and you can share all that new stuff with her