Son using coke

[Redthai]

Son has had year out of Uni, was living in town and is now home for summer before going back to Uni next week and will be living in private halls. Has been working in nightclub in city nearby-has been there last couple years.
A message popped up on his phone when he was out the room the other night from a mate asking if he wanted to ‘share a bag’. Instantly made me on edge-I’ve known that a lot of staff where he works do coke but (naively) I never thought he’d be that stupid.
I know I’m going to be flamed for this, but I checked his phone whilst he was in the shower. More messages to couple mates making reference to drugs, specifically coke.
I don’t know what to do. Part of me hopes it’s a phase and he’ll come out of it himself once he goes back to uni, and that it’ll make beggar all difference if I do confront him, he’s an adult after all and he'll probably just lie to me. But I’m SO disappointed, I just want to sit him down and go ’wtf are you thinking!!’
I guess I'm just looking for a handhold, if anyone else has been through this please let me know!

You don't have to confront him. He's technically an adult so able to make his own choices, even if they're stupid ones.

What you might do is take a moment to mention to him that you know he's doing drugs and you hope he realises it's a mug's game, a stupid waste of money, and a dumb choice for a smart young man.

And if you've been supporting him financially in any way, tell him you won't be giving him any more money until he's come to his senses.

You can purchase home drug-test kits so if he denies it, you can ask him to piss in a cup and prove it.

And be real cool when you talk to him, like you really don't care but are clearly a bit disappointed.

Ask him if he is happy supporting annindustry where children are tortured to death in front of their parents as part of the gang retributions that take place in the horrific world of cocaine dealing.

anyone who uses these drugs - even if it’s just a “harmless little middle class dabble” is an accessory to murder in my eyes.

Sorry you're going through this.

My then 17yr old decided to drop out of 6th form (without telling me), he had a part time job and via that met drug dealers and fell into that hole.

I took him to the drug users centre, I called social services and I contacted the police.

Within six months, with the support of every service available, he had full time employment and has never taken a drug since.

I knew that it was too big a thing for me to deal with, I had no experience of drugs, so I had to ask for support. Also, social services lining up a youth hostel room for him and me being adamant that, when he reached 18, he was out if he was still involved with drugs, gave him a nudge.

I'm so very proud of him now. He has a mortgage, is married, a very technical job and I'm glad I didn't lose him.

I’ve been through this and happy to hold your hand.
its very frightening especially if you have no experience of drugs.
i fell out badly with my son over his drug use, but the truth was, as he pointed out to me;

1. he knew way more about drugs than I did (Google “ Frank” for up to date helpful advice);
2. he was a happy, healthy, high functioning adult - and so is your son if he’s at uni;
3. The real problem in our society is heavy drinkers in my age group 🥴.

i would take a deep breath. It’s not the end of the world even though it may feel like it.
Don’t speak to him about it until you’ve had more support and feel less panicked.
You are welcome to dm me.

This is a bit naive. No way is drinking worse than coke. My brother has ruined his and my parents lives with coke. Wait till he starts being snappy with you for no reason, watch it spiral from there.
I hate coke heads, they're manipulative liars.

Thank you all for your comments. My cousin died of alcohol abuse when he was 38 so I'm aware of the effects of drinking also.

I have 'hinted heavily' that I know about it and he's been like a changed lad over the last few days, I'm hoping it's maybe a phase and he's given his head a wobble, but I'll be keeping as close an eye as I can given that he's moving back into halls at the end of the week.

I feel a bit less panicked and more aware so thank you all so much for this.

The best argument against taking anything like that is the home truth that 9 times out of 10 to get in the country, it’s been up someone’s arse.

How is he getting in now @Redthai?