Thread 52 - Covid GCSE Cohort - Autumn 24 - Start of Uni Yr 3

[Oblomov24]

2024 Autumn, start of year 3 for those at Uni.

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp.

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and advice to be had.

51 Previous thread - 51.

Hello all, just popping in after being away for a while. I can see there are pages which i not going to go through but glad to see all the familiar names and hope everyone is holding up well.
@EternallyDelighted & @crazycrofter This all sounds familiar. DS2 has overcome a lot MHwise but still struggles massively with executive function impairment. Just yesterday he called to say he is hoping on a train to visit friends for a party in leamington spa, this was at 4.30pm, from Reading. When i asked if he was spending the night he was quick to assure me he'll be returning to Reading same night. Not that this is impossible but he couldn't see that this was cutting it too fine for any night let alone a Sunday night. Lips zipped tight and wished him a nice evening. 1hr later got a call to say he got on the wrong train and was in the West of England (Westbury!) he spent 5hrs going around on trains. Never made it to Leam. He has DSA which i think he finds useful but always tries to not use it when really he should as he is 'just fine' and doesn't need any handholding. He feels embarrassed by his special needs . He gets really cross with the suggestion of any help and nearly didn't do the DSA, we actually had blazing rows about it.

The latest is he really doesn't like where he's living and his contract is signed up for 1yr but with a clause he can break it after 6mths for compelling reasons. 6mths runs out in February but ds hasn't given notice (3mths notice required) nor looking for a new place properly. Everytime we seak he keeps going on about how hell be out of there after 6mths and hasn't taken on board that he's already missed the deadline nor is he searching for a new place. I can see his disappointment when he finally speaks to the landlord and realises he is staying there till September.

It's these sorts of 'adulting stuff' they really struggle with but i guess they will learn eventually they might just be a bit slower than there peers but will get there in the end.

yes @shimy it’s so frustrating - but then hopefully he’ll learn from it if he really is stuck there until September! I feel that Ds does actually learn from mistakes - but on the other hand he often seems to get away with stuff and somehow escape the sort of consequences I’d face! He’s very jammy. I’d been constantly warning him that if he didn’t get his black box set up on his new phone his insurance would be cancelled. He got the warning letters and then one to say it was being cancelled in a week - he acted when it got to the day before the cancellation date and it was all fine so lesson not learned!

I’ve also constantly warned him about speeding and getting your licence revoked after 6 points in the first two years. He got stopped by the police speeding at night (and his black box sent him an ‘extreme speed’ warning) but the police let him off! Whilst dd is hovering anxiously on three points and she’s much more cautious!

@crazycrofter Snap! DH and i are constantly amazed at how both ds's never seem to face 'consequences', somehow they just manage to sail through at the last minute but i believe they will learn in their own way.

The school won’t let her drop an Alevel even though she only needs 3 for her uni offers. I think she enjoys the content but finds some of it hard.

@BlueMarigold ds is the same about physics.

@EternallyDelighted ds has already told me he will need a wife to help him once he's working full time! 😂He thinks he will struggle with all the cooking, let alone the life admin, but then he is trying to fit in a couple of hours gym a day too. I hope he marries a very tolerant woman! And I do hope he's willing to compromise on the gym by then...

I get what you mean about the privacy aspect though. I really think that life admin is way more onerous and complex now than it was when we were young.. the internet just seems to have made things more difficult! I often worry how my dh would manage if I died to be honest 🤔

@Shimy sympathy, my DS accepts help fairly readily but I worry that he isn’t becoming independent enough. I had a similarly frustrating day on the same railway line (Reading/Leamington) the other day when a 3.5 hour journey ended up taking 6 but it wasn’t actually my fault.

Anyway, he’s coming home at the weekend which will be nice as he doesn’t finish term till the 20th.

PS that makes ds sound really misogynistic, which he's not! He does actually do (most of) his own cooking now, apart from one meal a day which I make (he has about four main meals a day), so it's not that he thinks cooking is women's work!

I get it @crazycrofter . My DH is anything but misogynistic but he definitely needs a wife to help him out with the life admin, cooking etc (I suspect he’s ND too). On the other hand he is a really hard worker and does do more housework than me despite working longer hours. It all evens out.

@EternallyDelighted Wow fancy that! the same route. DS said it takes 2hrs from Reading to Leamington from what you're saying it takes a good 3.5hrs! he never estimates time right. At least you didn't get on the wrong train! as for independence, you can't do right for doing wrong - I think ds tries to be too independent, especially when he's struggling but likes to put on a brave face and and shuts down conversation. All we can do is keep trying, no one prepared us for this. When i was their age i was fully independent with the burden of family matters resting heavily on my young shoulders, trying to make DM & co happy, working and paying my own fees and studying but also didn't have SEN or any neurological probloems so just assumed this is how it will be. Nothing prepared me for my DS's.

Ah no, I was doing it from Manchester but the same line through Leamington to Reading, that part was probably about 1.5-2 hours, honestly I nearly lost the will to live with the delays though, my DS would have really struggled.

So, DD just had a Government warning on her phone about Storm Darragh. The alarm noise scared the life out of her but is she taking the advice to stay home? Is she heck. She's going clubbing. On the pier 😱 She's agreed to leave before 3am when the red weather warning kicks in, or earlier, if the pier starts swaying.
Hope any of you within the red and amber warning zones stay safe.

Ooh, that’s the kind of update I’d rather know about AFTER the event when the danger has passed and moved on!

Let’s hope the event management people make a call appropriate for the risk way before anything gets out of hand 🤞

The pier have just announced they're closing at 10pm (before the nightclub bit opens). Let's hope the other pubs near the seafront close early too. DD lives two streets back from the prom but there are a lot of student properties along the seafront. They have sandbags.

@mummyinbeds gosh they do worry us! Hope she stayed safe

DD did a flying visit home last week to have one last look around her old school (moving to a new site in January). I’d forgotten it was the same night as my Christmas party, but I’d promised to go with her so I ended up there dressed in 1920s gear. She went back to Cornwall yesterday before the storm hit. She seems to have made it despite all the disruption on the trains.

@craggyrat I got a message at 3.40am to say she'd got home safely. The whole town and uni has been without electricity and phone signal and everything is shut, including Tesco's, but I'm guessing she's asleep and totally unaware of that .

Oh to be young again @mummyinbeds 😂

Glad she’s safe. Enjoying life before the ‘what ifs’!

Very impressed that you do fancy dress @OublietteBravo !

Just breaking journey at Peterborough on way to collect DS. A lot of water on the road today. Will be glad to be home again!

Drive carefully @craggyrat and enjoy having him home ☺️

Yes, drive safely. DS has been home for the weekend and we've had a busy weekend of lots of driving, got to take hime back today, it's still very windy but at least I will be there and back in daylight.

@mummyinbeds I was out yesterday with a former Aber student which made me think of your DD, hope all stay safe there.

@craggyrat I do not envy you so many hours on the road today. Still windy and raining in this part of Yorkshire. Stay safe.

Gosh that was horrific! But there and back by 2pm. Worst trip ever with the weather though

Oof, wouldn't want to be driving this weekend!