Since the start of the pandemic, my 19 year old daughter has experienced many MH and behavioural issues like self harm and skipping school and college. She was diagnosed at the age of 17 with ASD and now suffers with an eating disorder (ARFID), which has caused her to gain a great deal of weight, so that also adds to her anxieties.
I have tried so hard to help her get well again like paying for hypnotherapy, but after a while the hypnotherapist suggested that my daughter pay half so that she might take it seriously and then she decided that she didn't want to continue. We paid for a psychiatrist and she didn't like her and she has had CAHMS courses and none of them is any use to her as she refuses to follow their advice like getting enough sleep and other healthy lifestyle approaches.
She is in self destruction mode and despite my best efforts and many sleepless nights, she refuses to follow any advice and the final straw now is that for the last three weeks, she keeps ringing up sick when she has to go to work (she has been in the job for 8 weeks) and then has a miraculous recovery when she is going out with friends. Socially she is constantly falling out with friends and this also causes massive issues with her attitude to work, her life and her sleeping pattern.
She goes out at the weekends and doesn't get home until the morning and then this has a knock on effect for the rest of the week and so she is awake until very late and then can't get up in the mornings. She is so rude to everyone in the house and makes unreasonable demands like us not entering the kitchen when she is cooking (we have to go through the kitchen to go to the bathroom). She expects me to do everything for her despite her attitude and makes so many false promises that she is going to start readdressing her life.
I have been a single parent since she was 9 months old and she hates my partner of 12 years and also her older sister who also has ASD. Family and friends go mad at me for allowing her to treat me like this and keep telling me that I have to start making her do things for herself, so today via text, I have told her that she has to start fending for herself , I would have told her verbally but she shouts at me to leave her bedroom if I try to speak to her.
I am in so much turmoil now, I feel like I am abandoning her, but I feel so unwell and emotionally broke, I worry that it's going to make me poorly, as I am 55 and stress is a big killer in my age group, plus I do have my elderly parents and my other daughter to look after too.
Am I doing the right thing? Could anyone please suggest any other courses of action?
TIA