Sibling rivalry

[EuphemiaEmmet]

I'm a mum to two daughters 30 and 27. Oldest one has done well academically and has a good career, husband with his own company and a baby. Youngest one has always struggled despite my support in every aspect of her life. She has flitted from one boyfriend to another and is now living with a chap who shares custody of his childrenfrom a previousrelationship. They're always broke and the jealousy she shows to her sister is so childish. I do feel for her and I believe she is going nowhere as all her money is in the rented house and helping to support his children, who I have to say are lovely kids. But I feel she's throwing her life away . Consequently, she sees her sister getting on in life and just can't bear it. Please....what do I say to her?

Maybe she can’t bear seeing her sister do so well because she knows her mother thinks shes is throwing her life away and is going nowhere.

You may not have said these exact words to her but I’m sure it will be obvious. You are going to have to accept she isn’t going to have the life her older sister has. You have to accept her for who she is, warts and all.

They’re grown adults, it’s up to them what their relationship is.
Likewise, you decide what you’re willing to listen to from your daughter. Tell her you won’t listen to any jealous sniping etc.

But you’re going to have to leave it there. There’s not much else you can do without coming across as interfering and judgemental.

And don't start trying to compensate for the difference in lifestyle by supporting financially or childcare etc unless older DD is on board, otherwise risk of alienating older DD. They're both adults. Both made their own choices.

I agree with pp, your post comes across that you favour the daughter who is doing well, and your other DD is going to feel that, which in turn will fuel any jealousy she feels.