Any ancient empty nesters?

[Rediscoverme]

I’m now 60! And son is 16, DD gone to uni.
lots of empty nester, retrain , new job threads, but is anyone else going through this at the same age? Retraining etc a bit tricky, what’s everyone else up to?

A couple of years younger than you but in a very similar position.

Mainly going out with my friends and trying to top up my savings ready for retirement

Well, I'm 61 but don't consider myself ancient 😂

DD(19) is home for the summer which is lovely. I found her moving out very difficult.

I've increased my hours at work. Partly to contribute towards her living expenses but also because I like my colleagues - they're a chatty bunch. I'm hybrid so have joined the gym to get me out of the house on wfh days. I'm also looking at volunteering for a couple of projects I'm interested in.

And I lavish attention on the dog.

62, dd home from first year uni. I went back to work FT 2 years ago (at 60) and I think it would have been really hard to have been still PT WFH - I needed to be out of the house more.

Envy your chatty work colleagues LornaDuh, I never see mine!

Hello, nice to meet you!
i didn’t feel ancient lornaduh till I read a cozy crime where the heroine was 60 with long white hair and eccentric dress, supposedly charmingly being a twit!
sorry to hear it was so hard when DD moved out, it was here too. She left very abruptly to be with partner so it was all a bit, wait, what!
gyms are great, you’ve just reminded me! - nice way of chatting and getting structure.

acinonyx well done at getting a full time job! However did you manage it, what do you do? Asking as I got nowhere so am attempting to set my own thing up - it’s fun and scary at the same time.

ralpersneed now that sounds fun!

I'm 62 and my 19 year old DD heads to uni in September. My 20 year old son left a couple years ago. I'm also a widow.
I'm hoping to get back in to being creative. I design for a couple Etsy shops but I miss doing workshops. Currently I feel I need to include my DD if I do that kind of thing (we used to do wet felting workshops together). But with her away I'm not restricted to her schedule and can do my own thing. I'd like to learn about stained glass for example.
I will travel more. I have dogs so that's always an issue.
I'm in the fortunate position that I don't need to work (I do work for myself part time). But I sometimes feel I'm just 'marking time' so want to be more productive. Losing weight and getting fitter is always a goal! I won't have to cook dinner and can just have soup when she leaves.

The job came out of the blue - it's the kind of work I'd been doing, cobbing together various PT jobs. It was partly via someone I knew which I think is one of the few perks of being older - you have a more old connections. It's a contract though and has only one more year to run so starting to think about further options. Definitely can't retire. In any case, the structure is good for me - although I wouldn't mind being PT rather than FT.

Alternatively, I had also been looking at setting up something on my own and I might still go back to it. I don't feel optimistic about that being more than a very small side hustle though.

Dd is home just now - but it's like having a mainly nocturnal poltergeist. There is a presence in the house. Food gets eaten. There's more laundry. But we seem to be in different time zones... It's a very different dynamic.

i didn’t feel ancient lornaduh till I read a cozy crime where the heroine was 60 with long white hair and eccentric dress, supposedly charmingly being a twit!

😂

To be fair @Rediscoverme - not many yesrs ago I would have thought 60+ was ancient and then it happened to me!

Oh and I should say, DD moved out to go to uni. That's why I'm funding her living expenses! God, I missed her - even more than I anticipated and feel spoilt to have her home for several months even though she's busy working and socialising.

Envy your chatty work colleagues LornaDuh, I never see mine!

They're fab @Acinonyx2 - I'm very lucky. Retirement doesn't interest me at the moment - I'd miss them and the structure work brings. And be broke 🙄

How are you finding working full time again? I've done 30 hours for years now and am toying with topping up to 37.5.

Dd is home just now - but it's like having a mainly nocturnal poltergeist

😂

I'm 60. Still have youngest at home but the other two are fledged. I landed a new job just before I turned 60 and am feeling very pleased with myself that I achieved it. If all goes well it'll keep me busy until I'm ready to retire in a few years.

I’m 63 and all mine are in their thirties. One stayed at home till a year ago for various reasons. I feel very lonely a lot of time as two of them live at the other end of the country and the other hardly visits. I moved to the area I live in now seven years ago and haven’t really made any friends. Have lost the ones I had along the way. Retired some time ago. OH and I spend too much time together and get on each others nerves. I want to live closer to my children as I feel quite lost to be honest. Hobbies are all very well, but it’s human interaction I need . The house just feels so empty. I feel
like I’m just existing. Now have a grandchildren too and that’s such a joy, but we live too far away.

@Saladagain I think it's very difficult moving at our age. We've thought about it - but I can see it being difficult making new friends, and realistically, it will bej ust one of us living there eventually. One of the good things about working FT is that dh and I are not both working from home - that would definitely get on my nerves. I need space.

Dd is home but I hardly see her. I miss her even when she is here.

@Saladagain - is there anyway you and DH could move closer to your DC and grandchildren? If DD doesn't settle down nearby we will look to move close to her when we retire as there will be nothing to keep us here.

She'll probably start a thread in AIBU about her needy, controlling mother following her across the country 😂

I am a few years older than you and retired. Busy with gym, walking, volunteering, meeting friends for coffee, going on holidays with dh, gardening..its nonstop. I feel bad sometimes when dc come for the weekend as l could be out a lot and have a busier life than them.

I’m 53, DC 25 & 23 have left home but their rooms are still full of their stuff. I need to just box it up!

I'm 60. Second child just starting last year at uni. First one didn't come back home after uni but we stay in touch and see fairly regularly. Who knows where the second one will end up! Am thinking about my future now - retirement?, holidays, downsizing? moving?

Hi middleagedlurker and everyone else! I’m trying to do that new horizons thing by not moving too. I’m looking to get diy ing, and the old Etsy side hustle. Gradually getting used to DD leaving, DS seems to have settled a bit now so I can breathe again! Much to my suprise gardening is proving vey soothing! Even tho it’s just tidying up outside😁

Dd is home but I hardly see her. I miss her even when she is here.

I know what you mean @Acinonyx2

DD is working shifts so she's sleeping/working whilst I'm working and working/socialising when I'm free.

Have you tried "making an appointment" to see your DD. DD will find a window to meet me for cake and coffee. She's got a free day next week which I've bagged, booked a day's leave and we're going out for the day. I am not worthy 😂

Remember the days when we were the centre of their universe and spending time with us was the best thing ever?

@LornaDuh fortunately she still had dinner with us - that's our small window. And occasionally condescends to watch a tv programm. Otherwise she is either staying with bf, he is here, or they are online. I really can't compete. I may try to get a day shopping with her before going back in Sep. Common bribery.

Oh I do remember those days. Be nice to revisit them occasionally.

About working FT again - in all honesty I'd rather be PT but I was PT all through dd's growing up and really owe it to dh to pick up some of the financial burden. But 3-4 days would be great. We haven't prepared well for retirement though. We could have done better there but very stupidly just never got around to it.

Yes, that's our plan next year. It seems a bit sad, but lots of people do it. Home is where friends and family are I have decided.

I do dread the upheaval, but I haven't settled here and haven't made any good friends, so there isn't anything to lose.

I'm 64 and not ancient. Neither would I dare call my mother who is 88 ancient!

DS is married and lives 240 miles away. DD is here about 3 days a week and will be living with bf from September.

We are en-route to our home in France for the summer and both DC and partners will visit.

When we are back in September, it will be odd I think. Although we are still both working full time in quite high pressure jobs, we will be rattling around. DH is looking forward to the house being tidier, I think we will need to have some decorating done as it was finished 7 years ago and bits are looking tired.

Then I think we will have to decide what to do. Neither of the DC are permanently settled, in my opinion and I suspect dd will have a period living overseas.

The house will be far too large, especially if we spend 5/6 months in France when the health of our very elderly mothers allows. My preference would be to go back to London, DH's will be to go north. This house was the compromise 10 years ago but the stark reality is that it is too big for two of us. We hadn't quite factored that in.

When we retire, hopefully there will be more travelling, more theatre and opera, a bit of voluntary work and some well earnt p&q. I am due to retire in 14 months - DH may go for another 4/5 years. My preference is Fulham or Westminster and we could do that. Close to world leading hospitals in our dotage, patio garden, and near shops and culture when we have time for culture.

The question of whether or not to downsize is a tricky one. Our house is currently too big really and I struggle to keep it tidy, but a smaller house would mean squashing everything down further and not having enough space when the adult DC come back, especially with grandchildren in tow! None of them can host Christmas themselves, they are all in rented and don't have any space. My parents moved to a flat when we had all left school. We never stayed as a family as there wasn't the space and so consequently I had very little to do with them as an adult. They would visit us for a few days once or twice a year, often in a B and B and that was it. I have a very distant relationship with my mother now and feel she doesn't know my children. That is the downside of downsizing, unless you have DC who have space for family get togethers.