The New Age of Endless Parenting

[CharlotteRumpling]

https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2024/07/modern-parenting-grown-children/678942/

Wasn't sure where to put it, so putting it here. This seems very accurate for modern day parenting.

Great article. Not every new trend is bad. I support the new trend of parent child closeness.

I don't.😂

Why? I support it because, as the article says, it's a win win for most of the case.
Of course, there is a degree to it, and like most things, it can be taken to extreme where it starts becoming a problem. But that seems to be more of a fear than reality.

Perhaps because I come from a culture where multi-generational living is common, and I have seen the reality. It's not a fear. Also, two words: London housing!

Can't see what's wrong with this. I'm very close to my mum and siblings.

So am I. Do you want to live with your mum in adulthood, though?

There’s a paywall but I get the gist.
Definitely think young people are less independent but there are good reasons why they’re less resilient plus - housing. I still have three in their 20s (London suburbs) and can’t actually imagine how they’re ever going to be able to move out and launch.

@Useruserdoubleuser I have the same worry.

Sorry about the paywall; somehow I read it ok on my phone, but now I can't.

I wouldn't mind. Would be a help with the kids.

Well, I am making plans to move my mum into my house in a couple of years, but she will be 80+ then. I wouldn't have wanted to live with her in my twenties or thirties.Despite the fact that she is a great help all around.

You grow up once you move out of your parents house and have to fend for yourself.

I can't provide financially for my kids but I've promised them they will always have a home with me if wanted/needed. At 19 I was faced with neither parent wanting me when I had to leave my uni course. I'm happy with the offer I've made.

type 'cache:' in front of the link and you can see the article. Little trick I picked up from MN. Sometimes works, sometimes doesn't.

I love my mum but she is very emotional and having to live with her would break me and it wouldn't be fair on my husband. To be honest I could say the same for my MIL she is lovely but very needy and would drive me crazy if I had to live with her.

I think it is nice if families can stay close to each other but to live with each other in the same home? I don't think it is healthy. I experienced going away to university for 6 years and ending back at home for a few months and it is amazing how quickly you slide into old, sometimes toxic patterns and roles being the black sheep of the family or the golden child or whatever. Its is much better to get out and to start learning to live independently and forging your adult life while retaining good relations with your family if possible. Just because it happens in other cultures or did here in the past doesn't mean it is optimal.

I have a cousin who is still at home in his late 30's and being tied to his mums apron strings has I think ruined any chance he has had at an independent life. I think sometimes it is quite toxic parental behaviour to keep your children so close, they should be encouraged to strike out on their own, otherwise their growth as a person will stagnate.

Obviously there is a housing and cost of living crisis but ideally we should fly the nest.

I have a cousin now in his 50s who has lived all his life with his mother. She had a very bad marriage to his father and a bitter breakup and in trying to comfort her, he became her consolation prize. He has never had a long term relationship, never had children. It has severely impacted his mental health, to the point where he has tried to take his own life, yet she goes on and on about how close they are and how good he is to her, etc, etc. She has ruined his life with guilt and she refuses to see it.

My own daughter still lives at home at 22 as she is studying, she always rings me during the day for a five minute chat and we are very close. But I do hope she moves out in the next few years because she really needs to be on her own to be truly self-reliant. Living at home and lack of funds keeps her in the child's role, I think. Having said that, this will always be her home should she ever need to come back. I can't read the article but I think housing is now so expensive that kids are now boomerangers. I think it will take a few false starts for them to get truly independent. Look how many young people ended up having to move back home when lockdown happened.

@krustykittens I think the first case you mention with your cousin could be termed emotional incest. I have a male friend that happened to and while he did get out of the house it did royally mess him up. Ditto a close friend of my husband's brother was also used in this way by his mother after her divorce, it is very toxic indeed and desperately sad for the children affected by this kind of abuse.

There is nothing wrong with being supportive and always offering a safe place for your kids that is what families are for and of course the cost of living and shortage of homes makes very difficult these days for young people. I just think there is also danger in normalising adult kids living at home with their parents well into adulthood, life is shorter than we think and living like a quasi child into your late 20's and early 30s isn't conducive to long term happiness.

Oh, that is definitely what it is! She won't do anything without him, he turns over his wages to her, buys her gifts etc and she has run off every woman that ever tried to go out with him. Not that many would have stuck around for long because their whole relationship is a massive red flag. It is so sad, he is a lovely guy. But she seems to think this is her 'payment' for enduring an abusive marriage. No one in the family will say anything. I ranted about it to my mother once and she said, "They are happy, leave them be." He tried to kill himself! How the fuck is that happy?!

Sorry, I will go and calm down now before I completely de-rail the thread!

@krustykittens That honestly sounds like a tragic waste of his life, very sad indeed 😢