Failure to launch ...no jobsnoo

[Katej82]

Hi id appreciate any advise please. Sorry it's long.
My ex husband and I have have 3 children together one is 21 one is 19 one 17. We co parent the best we can get along well always have. But the issue is with lack of motivation in the children. Despite me taking them to classes when little and them having friends in school bar the eldest which I'll explain none of them are motivated to do anything in life.
The difficulty is the eldest was badly bullied at school so I removed her from school and she attended a very small college from age 14-18 then became stuck she's very artistic and has secured a place on another course but over the last 3 years she or worked. Now the issue is she doesn't work or even apply for work she's on benefits but minimal and with the course she won't get this. She starts things and never completes them such as driving lessons. I'm really happy for her but I'm so concerned I could have to financially support her for another 5 years. She is very introvert and I totally understand but at the same time what would happen if anything happens to m I d said the same thing to them.
The 19 year old he's doing good snd is very laid back but doing well with he has had part time jobs but is very socially awkward and his memory is poor we tried to have him assessed years ago on for autism more than one occasion and we're fobbed off but you can tell him something generally if I ask over repeat 2-3 times row and he will forget. It's so tough on him and frustrating for me too.
The youngest is exceptionally musically talented he got a scholarship but ever since year 11 he's got into terrible habits up all night in bed all day not attending I've removed all devices and I take phone at night. I'm working really hard and also have a toddler my now husband is working yet we come home and there's pots rubbish washing messy bedrooms well filthy in my opinion dog not walked. It's really hard not to be angry. The youngest tells me he's been looked for jobs yet he's applied for 2 in 5 months.

They all have a very good relationship with my now husband too. I dog walk with the older 3 every night unless they are doing something try to spend time with just them
I'm really struggling with this situation I have a very demanding job too and having 3 adult or almost adult the 17 year old eating everything in sight and the cost of living is crippling. I can't kick them out people have said this but they've nowhere. Any motivation ideas I offered skiing lesson as we live near a slope My eldest and youngest have seen GP. I wonder if I've been too protective when they were little. I just don't know what to do I've removed phone computer leads etc.

But she says leave them be, the more bothered they know you are the more they get their back up I think possibly this is correct.

I've had this conversation with both of my DC this week independently when they've said I was fussing and it was getting on their nerves.

Had to explain that if Mums aren't bothered about the outcome for their DC, then they were unlikely to make it into adulthood, it's being bothered that keeps your babies alive abd it can be pretty hard just to switch it off.

My eldest has ASD, ADHD and some mobility issues, she’s 20 at uni but not wanting to work. I have found her volunteer work for the summer holidays because she has no work experience and no one will employ her in her uni city. She’s just done 2 days at work and I’m really proud of her because I know how hard it is for her to find motivation. It does sound like you’re dealing with ADHD and/or ASD with your DC’s. I think some times we need to step in and give them a bit of a push, help them looking for work, try and get them to see medical professionals. My dd is very stubborn, she disagrees with almost everything I say, it’s not easy trying to get her to engage with things.