What house rules do you have?

[Cornishskies]

I find myself with three adult DC living back at home after Uni . As rents are high and their early career wages make it a struggle, this shall only be for a year or two whilst they establish the next stage of their careers .

I understand, sympathise and DH & I are happy to support them to do this but .. transition from only us and youngest DC at home, to living with them when they have been living the student life has been a challenge! They are lovely but have been very quick to regress to teenage behaviour where mum picks up the slack ( and mess) and coming and going at all hours on a weekend is getting a bit much!

We are too easy going as parents, but have a very happy family, this is their home & love their friends, but I need to set down some rules .

So what ( if any ) rules do you have for your adult DC ?
( And I realise getting them to move out is an option but isn’t what I’m asking, so no need to suggest it on this thread 😉)

Don't leave pots in any rooms (including bedroom)
Do your own laundry
Cleaning your own messes
Mon -Fri cook your own meals (and plan re what ingredients you need for food shop)

I don't tend to ask for housework contributions as I work part time and we have a Sen child which both dd help with loads (entertaining, babysitting etc.)

But you could ask them each to do a couple of jobs a week.

Just to say both mine have dps so no unexpected guest issues and they are not late nighters.

Following…
Will post more later.
dd works shifts which makes any requests around coming and going at all hours impossible! But we do request consideration when arriving late or leaving early.

hanging wet towels up rather than leaving on piles of clean washing then moaning that it’s my fault the washing smells because I don’t use half a litre of fabric conditioner!!

Oh and to add she is actively saving in a LISA and budgeting reasonably well in other areas - this makes it easier knowing she really is moving towards independence

Following with interest.

I think it is much harder when they move back in than if they never move out. Essentially they need to remember it is not some kind of house share arrangement, they need to follow basic house rules (and we are pretty relaxed as well).

Main things for me are to clean up within a reasonable time if you have cooked/prepared food, next day is not ok, and be mindful of others when you do your laundry (don’t leave things in the washing machine or tumble drier as someone else might want to use them and take your clothes off the outside lines once they are dry so there is space for others.) I’ll make dinner for anyone who wants as long as I know you are home but I don’t sort lunches.

Forgot to say I only clean my own bathroom, I won’t do any of the others, so they need to be kept clean including having dry towels.

Basically clean up after yourself and don't leave a mess. Do your own washing, clean the bathroom. No randomers staying overnight. Make a financial contribution. Be quiet if coming home late. Help out if you see something that needs doing or you are asked,bins, dishwasher.

My D D has just moved back.

My rules:

I don't clean her room or her bathroom that's her problem

Any laundry of hers left in the machine gets put in an Ikea bag for her to deal with later (she has her own laundry basket and airer and does her own)

I try to aim for house share where possible - I'm not doing stuff for her. We do share cooking.

Assign them their own laundry days. Household chores wheel. If they are going to regress to being teenagers then treat them like teenagers with responsibilities. You are not their maid. Your home is not a serviced hotel.

Obviously no curfews but coming and going at all times is disrespectful if they wake anyone else up. They can learn to sneak in and out like proper teenagers again. Plus no random over night guests.

I assume if you are charging rent for food/extra utilities it's nominal to help them save to move out, they are adults who should appreciate that while learning to be responsibile grown ups with training wheels.

My DS moved out last July but the rules were he does all his own laundry including bedding/towels on Saturday mornings and dries after in the dryer or hangs on washing line if good weather. He keeps his room tidy. He cooks twice a week for everyone and cleans the kitchen after himself. He also did general chores like to empty kitchen bin every other day into black bin, unloading the dishwasher, recycling and unloading and putting away the big shop. He paid £300 towards food and utilities including Sky box in his bedroom with Sky Sport and Cinema and super fast broadband we only had because he wanted it.

As an adult he came and went as he pleased. Just to keep the noise down late at night and he must remember to lock the door after he is in and put the alarm back on.

Thanks all, I think a family meeting might be needed.
I also need to be stricter, I’m way too “ anything for a quiet life” mentality and it's not creating a quiet life at all!

I think specifically what @andyourpointiswhat says is very true , they seem to forget it is the family house and not their student shared housing. Them coming in after a night out and making pesto pasta is not how I want to be woken up on a Saturday at 3 am, Or finding one of their friends asleep on the sofa when we get up as they let them crash over ( but “ knew we wouldn’t mind” so didn’t think to ask !) ..I have so many examples of how they are currently driving me mad so I definitely need to get tough!

I only have one young adult left at home now, but I had all three at various points. They've been like boomerangs, they go for a bit, then come back, then are gone again... I think I've finally fledged the two eldest. Fingers crossed!

I don't have many rules, we try and live together like three adults, but this is what is expected of DS3 currently at home:

Return all mugs/glasses/plates to the kitchen at least once a day and put them in the dishwasher
Keep his bathroom reasonably clean - if it gets in a state it's his problem
Empty his bins before they overflow
Do his own laundry
Does most of his own cooking
Household tasks - he's in charge of the dishwasher, weekly hoovering, taking the bins out, anything else his dad or I ask him to do
Keep the noise down at night
Let me know if he will be late or staying out
No overnight guests without prior agreement
I don't care how untidy his room is, I don't go in there unless invited.

We live more like a family than house share because have younger DC still at school. So need to know each morning if you're planning to be in for dinner (last minute changes are fine, it's just for catering purposes), they need to cook us all dinner once/week on a day that suits them, If cooking for themselves regardless of time of day/night they must leave kitchen the way they found it.
Laundry I will wash whatever's in the basket but they are expected to hang/fold etc as needed, ditto the dishwasher, rubbish, sorting out the pets etc.

Noise down at night, only long term partners can stay over and we need to know they're there.
Own room their responsibility, including washing sheets regularly. I would prefer they didn't eat in their rooms but I've lost that battle for now. If I run out of forks or glasses because they're not brought back down I will go into their rooms and look through everything until I find missing stuff - that does not go down well but everyone understands I meant it.

We are at the same stage rules are.

1 Tidy up your own mess (if you have coffee you tidy the cup and snack away from where you ate it)
2 Let us know by lunchtime if you are not home for dinner
3 When called for you come set table for dinner (we differ who does this)
4 EVERYONE helps with tidy up and washing up after dinner (before this was a rule it defaulted to me!)
5 You cook at least 1 dinner a week when Living at home
6 You come up with 1 meal a week for the food shop.
7 If you take the last item add it to the shopping list. If not we WILL run out. (As I am not checking cupboards weekly because someone else was a lazy so and so)
8 Perhaps a bit niche "don't use washing machine over the weekend." (I do our laundry over the weekend and I can't get it dried if they all do and they are here mon-fri and I am not.)
9 If you are asked to clean x
Clean x don't argue it.
10 Check before you use meat in the fridge to ensure it was not meant for a meal later that week.
11 if you make hash browns or coffee check if others wants some.

I guess quite a few rules.they have slowly evolved over the years so we never sat down and wrote them out.

Clean up your own mess
Let me know if you are not coming home - a WhatsApp to say you are staying out is fine
Ask re overnight guests
No drugs
Own washing etc is a given.

Laundry gets put in the laundry basket
Glasses, plates etc don’t get left in his room
When the bin in his room is full he empties it
All other cleaning of his room is down to him
I’m happy to cook for mine but if I do he eats with us & I’m not cooking lots of different meals.
He is responsible for buying his own snacks, drinks etc
If he cooks for himself he cleans up after himself
Check if it is ok to use meat from fridge/freezer if cooking for himself
If you are running out of something and want it added to the shopping list then it’s your responsibility to let me know
I expect some pitching in with household chores but no fixed roles (eg if I ask him to run the hoover round, he will do it without complaint)
If you are going out and intend to be late then let me know
I don’t mind giving lifts but it must be arranged in advance (these last 2 also apply to DH!)

Your rules will depend partly on what things you are prepared to do like cooking family meals and washing. But general rules could be

• only long term partners can stay overnight, but you need to to know in advance and no one wandering in boxers or skimpy nightwear. No random friends staying without prior agreement.
• everyone pulls their weight with chores and tidies up after themselves. This might include taking their turn with the weekly shop.
• cutlery cups and other shared household items such as towels must be brought down to kitchen/laundry after use or you’ll have no choice but to go in their rooms
• everyone who is working contributes something financially.
• each person has a night of preparing the family evening meal
• no curfew obviously but be quiet and respectful when coming in late or in the early hours.
• dont use ingredients that were meant for a family meal. If people are buying their own food it may need to be labelled!
• maybe allocated days for using the washing machine and empty machine promptly after use
• if anyone is using the car (unless they have their own of course!) they pay for petrol