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Parents of adult children

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Need adult son out

3 replies

Nickij1973 · 07/07/2024 10:50

Hi all, I've posted before, mainly about 4 years ago when my son was 21, he's now 25 (26 in Sep). I'm single and my son lives with me. Our relationship has always been quite tumultuous and he can be very verbally abusive and sometimes aggressive. Last Feb I called the police after he'd pushed me over twice and spat at me and they were going to charge him with common assault. I tried to stay strong but I let him back in after 4 nights and he agreed with the the rules I set out. Things were OK for several months and he has been working full time for 14 months and pays board. However over the last probably 4/5 months there's been a decline in his attitude to ne again and the verbal attacks have started again. He does literally nothing round the house despite me asking. He sits in the living room most evenings and leaves it a mess. He's away thus weekend and it's absolute bliss. I tread on eggshells when he's around. I work in the NHS and I've spoken with the domestic violence officer and she is very supportive. I've asked him to move out at the end of this month but I know he won't look for anywhere to live cos ge thinks I won't follow through. I'm so unhappy when he's here but I know even if he finds somewhere he'll constantly ask for money. He twists everything and says I'm crazy, a bully and an emotionally abusive narcissist.

OP posts:
caringcarer · 07/07/2024 11:14

He's 25 now and has a job so he can find a room in a shared house and pay his own way. Stand firm about moving out on the last day of the month. Warn him each week. On the final day, wait until he goes to work pack up all his belongings and get the locks changed. Be at home as he returns from work and have all his things outside your house. Do NOT open your door. He can get a hotel for the night then find a room the next day or so.

Nickij1973 · 07/07/2024 11:16

@caringcarer thanks for your response, that's a great idea and like u say I can mention it every week

OP posts:
RappersNeedChapstick · 07/07/2024 21:46

caringcarer · 07/07/2024 11:14

He's 25 now and has a job so he can find a room in a shared house and pay his own way. Stand firm about moving out on the last day of the month. Warn him each week. On the final day, wait until he goes to work pack up all his belongings and get the locks changed. Be at home as he returns from work and have all his things outside your house. Do NOT open your door. He can get a hotel for the night then find a room the next day or so.

I'd also try and have a friend or family member with you. He is much less likely to be abusive if there's a witness.

I know it's hurtful when a loved one twists what you e said or what you do but I think it might be helpful to think that he won't change, he's not interested if you have money or are feeling happy. If he says he needs money, suggest overtime. If he says you're the abusive one, suggest counselling.

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