Am i expecting too much

[Annipause]

My son lives in america, im in uk. He has visited uk this week with his family. Ive lived with my partner 21 years and he only briefly met my son before he left to live in usa.
Partner does not want them to come to my house ( for a couple of hours) - our home. He doesnt want to meet any of them. Its killing me and putting a wedge between us.
How do i handle it? I refuse to meet them in a local cafe and want them to be relaxed in my home

Why doesn't your partner want to meet your son? That's really hard to understand.

Your son should be welcome in your home. If your partner can't understand that, I'd dump him.

Is he generally controlling? Does her let you see friends or has he isolated you?

Your partner is being emotionally abusive and controlling. Massive massive red flag.

its your home and your child is always welcome there so your partner can fuck right off.

Your partner is being ridiculous. It’s your home too and this is your family.

That's completely unacceptable from your partner. I absolutely would not accept that he 'won't allow' you to have your son in your own home.

What is his reasoning? If he can't be around them for whatever reason he should just take himself out for the day.

21 years or not, that would be a deal breaker for me unless there is a big backstory. Or is he controlling in other ways too?

That doesn't show your partner in a very good light unless there's a huge backstory.

No one can really tell you how to handle it until you explain why your partner is so against it.

Also strange that your partner has been with you for 21 years yet only met your son 'briefly'.

It doesn't make sense.

Is it your house? Or a shared house with your partner?

It's rude either way he'd tell you not to have your son over (unless there's some horrific back story!) and totally ridiculous if it's your house not his.

Seriously!!??

Bloody hell. He can't reasonably tell you your son isn't a welcome visitor in your own home!!

Personally, I'd pack him off somewhere while son visited, on the basis that if he won't allow your son to be in your home with you, then he's the problem, so he can bugger off to a cafe, or preferably the far far side of get tae fuck for a very fecking long time.

When you've been either visiting your son or he's came here what has your partner done in the past.
It is very strange that your DP doesn't have any sort of relationship with your adult son when he's been in your life for 21 years.

You are living with a cruel and weird man. Tell him if he doesn't want to be there, that's fine, but that your son is coming to your house with his family.

Then you need to have a good long think about this man and whether you are able to live a healthy happy life with him.

What's the backstory?

You need to give background as to why he won't meet them? Otherwise it's just him being massively unreasonable.
Tell him to go out with his mates or visit someone, go to the cinema, take up naked wakeboarding, just be out of the house for a few hours. If he can't manage that then tell him to make him self scarce in his bedroom and shut the door if he won't meet them.
But you have every right to host them in your home.

There is no "massive backstory". As i said they only met briefly before my son left to live in america. He has not visited the uk in the 21 years since he emigrated. (Ive visited him in usa 4 times.)
My partner is a shy man and his home is a safe place for him preferring peace and quiet. The idea of 4 strangers coming to the house caused him anxiety which he didnt tell me.
Son and family visited yesterday and thankfully it all went okay. Partner had no option to accept them visiting as i told him if he made a scene we would have to re think our relationship. They didnt stay that long until we all went out to a local tourist attraction for the kids which he didnt come to. They leave for usa in 2 days and i am going to airport to see them off-partner is driving. All's well.