Page 2 | Borderline personality disorder

Alisha0601 · 30/05/2024 19:00

Feel free to message me, I'll try my best to tell you what I can, like I said everyone is different and symptoms appear and show themselves differently. So I might not be able to help with everything but I cam certainly relate in someways. ( similar trauma) parents can't protect us from everythinng unfortunately, if you were there every second of every day you would be overbearing/ controlling. Blaming yourself won't help you pr her move forward. Trying to understand something that we don't always understand ourselves is admirable and not easy when we can be fast changing and emotionally unstable. Feel free to message me ans definitely look up the favourite person In bpd.

Original poster

Classy59 · 30/05/2024 19:03

TurtleTackle · 30/05/2024 12:03

I was diagnosed with BPD when I was 26(I think, it's a blur) then bipolar 2 a few years later. 2 near fatal overdoses with prolonged ICU stays with still ongoing recovery.
I became addicted to drugs for most of my twenties,
I'm 30 now. It made my mental health issues explode. I was addicted to cocaine at first, then ketamine (was sniffing and ounce a night) then I went onto crack, yes still have my teeth)
Anyhoo - 6 months clean and my mental health is much, much better.
My husband has put up with so so so much, he should left years ago BUT because he hasn't - I have come through the other side! What I have put my family through (husband and mum) is dispicabale but they were there when I was ready and I am going to do everything in my power to stay mentally healthy for them and myself.
Also I would like to add, I didn't steal to fund my hsbbit I had two full time jobs before I became properly unwell but I still did things I am not proud of which I will not go in to.
What I am saying is just "be there" for when she needs to "come to you" don't badger her, just show her you'll be there whenever she's ready to come to you

Edited

Hi thank you so much for sharing your own personal story with me.
This helps very much so I can try and gain some insight into what she is experiencing here.
You sound like a strong person to have got yourself through and out the other side. I really feel for young people in this world right now it is so crazy and unstable with so much to deal with, it's no wonder people are suffering so badly everywhere. Life was so much simpler when I was growing up. So well done you!! x

OP posts:

Original poster

Classy59 · 30/05/2024 19:11

Alisha0601 · 30/05/2024 19:00

Feel free to message me, I'll try my best to tell you what I can, like I said everyone is different and symptoms appear and show themselves differently. So I might not be able to help with everything but I cam certainly relate in someways. ( similar trauma) parents can't protect us from everythinng unfortunately, if you were there every second of every day you would be overbearing/ controlling. Blaming yourself won't help you pr her move forward. Trying to understand something that we don't always understand ourselves is admirable and not easy when we can be fast changing and emotionally unstable. Feel free to message me ans definitely look up the favourite person In bpd.

Thank you Alisha x
I will research Favourite Person as you've suggested

OP posts:

Original poster

Classy59 · 30/05/2024 21:46

JennieTheZebra · 30/05/2024 11:33

I’m a MH nurse who works largely with women diagnosed with EUPD/BPD. Yes, I agree that she needs an autism assessment, but right now there’s very little you can do about that so let’s put it to one side. The main therapies for EUPD/BPD (DBT and emotional coping skills, plus mindfulness) are also generally useful for managing autistic overwhelm so even if she is undiagnosed autistic then she will still hopefully find them helpful. You say that she’s in hospital? Is she on a section? If yes, then you’ll be her nearest relative. This is a legal status that can only be changed with a court order and it does give you some rights, including the right to limited information about her and her hospital stay. https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/legal-rights/nearest-relative/overview/ For more specific information she does have the right to refuse, I’m afraid, but for very young patients, which 18 definitely is, we do encourage family contact. I hope this is helpful. This is not an easy place to be, but please be reassured that the hospital are doing their best. I always go out of my way to build a good rapport with the younger ones. Is this her first psych ward stay?

Unfortunately this doesn't help me as she doesn't permit me to be contacted by anyone. She's also 18 and now miraculously an adult overnight, so I will just have to hope she changes her mind.
Is there ANYTHING I can do to find out at least how her assessment went.

Also, how can they take the word of someone with a mental health condition?! Doesn't that stand for anything?

I understand why some people maybe protected but I have never done anything harming to my daughter emotionally or physically. Why isn't anyone asking to hear my side of the situation??

Confused and frustrated 😣

OP posts:

izimbra · 30/05/2024 22:16

Classy59 · 21/05/2024 22:42

Hello, does anyone here have any sons or daughters diagnosed with BPD please?
Looking for help and advice on how to support my young adult daughter (18 yrs). Quite desperate to know how to help her and myself. Anyone experienced similar or the same please
Feel like the worst parent, so to share would rationalise my thought process and feel guided towards help for me and

Hi OP, my daughter was diagnosed with BPD when she was 16 by clinicians at the Michael Rutter centre, which is attached to the Maudsley. I know it's unusual to get a diagnoses of BPD as an adolescent. She'd been under CAMHS since the age of 13 with a history of self harm, aggressive oppositional behaviour, anxiety, depression, truanting, prolonged school refusal. She failed pretty much everything at school. Our family life was horrific and it's left both her two younger brothers with ongoing trauma.

She had a year of DBT at the Michael Rutter centre - group and individual therapy, DH and I had group therapy at the centre, and I had individual therapy there.

By the time she was discharged at 18 she no longer met the threshold for a BPD diagnosis.

She's now 24. It's been a long, hard road to get here but this is where we are now: she has so many friends who love her. She has worked full time in really responsible and challenging jobs since leaving FE at 18 . She is two years into an open university degree. She tells me she loves me every day, has hobbies and a great social life. She sometimes still has very low mood, and can be a bit manipulative, but she has tools now and I have strengthened my boundaries.

I'm really sorry for what your going through and I second the recommendation for the Facebook Parenting Mental Health group. I've posted my story here to give you hope that things can get better.

summerdayslemonade · 31/05/2024 13:25

Op - research online nearest relative. It might not be you (ie if her dad is older than you) but it could well be you and gives you certain rights. It's not the same as next of kin.

LindorDoubleChoc · 31/05/2024 13:59

Sorry you are going through this OP. I have a relative diagnosed with BPD (not a child, but a sibling) and I know it is hideous. If you don't mind I'm just place marking to read your thread later as I think it will be informative for me. Sorry that I can't offer you any help myself.

Original poster

Classy59 · 01/06/2024 18:26

Alisha0601 · 30/05/2024 19:00

Feel free to message me, I'll try my best to tell you what I can, like I said everyone is different and symptoms appear and show themselves differently. So I might not be able to help with everything but I cam certainly relate in someways. ( similar trauma) parents can't protect us from everythinng unfortunately, if you were there every second of every day you would be overbearing/ controlling. Blaming yourself won't help you pr her move forward. Trying to understand something that we don't always understand ourselves is admirable and not easy when we can be fast changing and emotionally unstable. Feel free to message me ans definitely look up the favourite person In bpd.

Hi Alisha
I've read up on Favourite Person and omg it could be written about my daughter!!
Thank you, this is helping me to understand a lot. Xx

OP posts:

Alisha0601 · 01/06/2024 19:06

Classy59 · 01/06/2024 18:26

Hi Alisha
I've read up on Favourite Person and omg it could be written about my daughter!!
Thank you, this is helping me to understand a lot. Xx

Show quote history

Thats okay, I thought that part might help, just from the way you described your daughters relationship with her partner. I'm glad that you've got some understanding around that, it might help on how to approach the subject in future, if there's anything else specific I might be able to help with just let me know. I know what a struggle we can be when not in a good place x

Original poster

Classy59 · 09/07/2024 19:06

Alisha0601 · 30/05/2024 00:19

Hi, I am diagnosed borderline personality disorder amongst other things, wondering if I could help you in anyway? Is there anything you specifically want to know?

Hi Alisha
Sorry to bother you again.
Situ is now that she's under a section 3 for up to 6 months but still doesn't want me to see her.
She called me a vile swear word and said her partner's mum was a better one than I could ever be. I tried ignoring and taking to heart but how can I. What is happening to my baby. Why are her partner and her mum taking her from me ??
There is NO support for parents. I feel numb it's like she's died. What do I do. Please 🙏 this is virtually destroying me

OP posts:

Wtafisgoingontoday · 09/07/2024 19:42

Hi OP, I know this struggle as my daughter has a BDP diagnosis too. Have you heard of Family Connections which is a free 12 week online programme. I did the programme and it honestly changed my mind set and saved my relationship with my daughter. I now have a much clearer understand of the diagnosis and can put myself in her shoes. I didn't think we would ever have the relationship that we currently have - it's been a very long and hard road. Feel free to message me anytime x

Yssy123 · 24/08/2024 13:28

Hiya, I’ve just read your post and it is exactly the same post I wanted to write. I have an 18 year old diagnosed with BPD around 6 months ago. I’m just after some help with how to help her, and help for myself as I’m finding it very hard. Just feel like crying all the time. She is due to start university in three weeks and I’m terrified!! She is in a 2 year relationship with a girl she has an unhealthy attachment to and it’s her ‘person’ and I know she won’t cope without her. If you’ve had any luck with getting help I’d be grateful for any advice. Thank you 🙏 x

deeahgwitch · 20/10/2024 19:32

Does someone with undiagnosed BPD know that the things they do are not "normal" @Classy59 ?

Original poster

Classy59 · 12/05/2025 08:34

jesper1 · 30/05/2024 00:04

Sorry meant to mention it was DBT therapy she had, which is considered the best for BPD

Thank you so much. Can you supply me more details on who the LEA is and what your MP was able to do for you please.

i am still battling for DBT for her. Guildford CMHRS are worse than useless.

I have found a paid hour per week with The Guildford Institute who are a breath of fresh air.

Ultimarely, she needs coping mechanisms for cutting and limiting her food intake. She’s only 8 weeks out of a 10 month inpatient at hospital, so it is early days and we’re peaking at the worst right now. Hospital discharged her with no S117 either. Ffs.

anyway thank you so much for replying to me.
x

OP posts:

Original poster

Classy59 · 12/05/2025 08:38

Alisha0601 · 30/05/2024 00:19

Hi, I am diagnosed borderline personality disorder amongst other things, wondering if I could help you in anyway? Is there anything you specifically want to know?

Hi, yes! Please.

coping mechanisms for cutting - she’s extremely stubborn in the moment. Done all the usual advice (music, exercise etc) it just consumes her and she goes into freeze mode. It’s so difficult to help her.

any advice on how she doesn’t hate her body and not to restrict eating in an unhealthy way.

thank you for replying and trying to offer help.
x

OP posts:

JennieTheZebra · 12/05/2025 08:50

I work with a lot of people with BPD. For the cutting, first she needs to work out what it’s for. Is she trying to numb pain or heighten emotions when she can’t feel anything? Or communicate with her body? Punish herself? What works will depend on the answers to that. A great deal of the time people that struggle with “big feelings” struggle to identify sensations in their body until they’re overwhelming. Maybe get her to think about where in her body those sensations are and what she thinks they mean. Once that’s figured out you can start thinking about skills. All skills are designed to create space between those overwhelming feelings and unhelpful behaviours, so generic skills won’t be that helpful until she’s figured out what works for her.
I hope this is useful. I’m in my way to work right now but will check back later x

pinkbird78 · 13/05/2025 19:46

I also work in with people who have complex emotional needs (sometimes termed personality disorders) and I don’t think this is the right approach.

Even for mental health professionals, there’s a reason we don’t treat people we know. I don’t think it would be a good idea for OP to be trying to get her daughter to understand why she is self harming or how this shows up in her body (or developing skills).

OP, I think it would be far more helpful to focus on getting yourself some support so when your daughter does come to you you’re able to support her. Having a life outside of worrying about your daughter will be helpful and will likely strengthen your relationship. Constantly trying to push her to ‘get better’ is likely unintentionally pushing her towards her partner and their family.