Best way to support my son

[terrifried]

My son is 23. He has a long history of mental ill health. He stopped attending school at 13/4 through extreme anxiety. The LA arranged 5 hours of home tuition, which he largely avoided. He has/d an EHCP, but this was not finalised until he was nearly 16, and never used because he was not in formal education.

For the past 6 or 7 years, he has been battling his MH issues, at home, with some inconsistent interventions from various MH teams. He refuses to engage with any agency or claim benefits. This is partly due to heavy social care intervention when he was not attending school (his behaviour at home was somewhat challenging at that time).

Recently, he has been a lot more positive. He is looking for work. To his credit, he had an interview this week. He was not selected for the job, but I am immensely proud of him for applying, preparing for the interview, and overcoming his very real anxiety to attend the interview.

Yet, the process has brought home to me the fact that, he has quite significant barriers to overcome in his search for work.

1. He really has no referees. He is socially isolated, so he has no-one who really even knows him, let alone who can vouch for his character or employability.
2. He has very rigid routines, which are his coping mechanism. I am not sure how well he would be able to switch from these to a working situation. (Yes, it is very likely he is neurodiverse, his brother and father are both neurodiverse).
3. He has never worked before. Expectations would be that a 23 year old would be pretty autonomous. My son has literally no work experience.

I am trying to help my son think of the possibility of voluntary work and training, but money seems to be his primary incentive at the moment. Can anyone else think of any practical ways that I can help my son in his search for employment?

[Eldest son is in supported living and husband is in a care home, so they cannot help].

If he does some voluntary work that will give him referees.

He will then have a more appealing job application.

There are places that will take volunteers specifically with mh problems.

Does he get unemployment benefit? I think he needs to be in the system to get money also support if he has mental health difficulties have a look on job centre plus.

I would encourage him to sign on for benefits if money is a motivation, as that will also mean there's someone other than you trying to help him (it will also mean he gets national insurance credits which will mean he gets a pension when older). They may channel him towards some form of training or support.
Otherwise if he doesn't want to do voluntary work then really unskilled jobs with recruitment difficulties are the way to go. Eg cleaning, farmwork, security, etc. Or do you have any friends who own a shop or a business that might give him a few hours a week on a casual basis as a favour, which would help with the reference? If he's never worked he might be better off looking for part time jobs initially as a full time one will be quite a shock for him.

Has DS’s EHCP been ceased? If not, you need an early review. You could look for a supported internship, apprenticeship or work experience. This can sometimes lead to employment with the same company. Even if it doesn’t, it will provide DS with referees and experience.

If DS cannot manage a claim himself you can become his appointee and apply for UC and PIP on DS’s behalf.

Thank you for these replies. They are very helpful. I agree that voluntary work would be an excellent way to acquire work experience and references. My son is reluctant to consider this at the moment, but he may come round to the idea as he realises that it will have practical benefits for him. He flatly refuses to claim any benefits. Again, this may change as he realises the difficulties of acquiring employment or income without such engagement. His current idea is to apply for unskilled work, but often these roles do require references. His EHCP has never been officially ceased. The LA simply lost interest in him when he never continued education.

Would he consider college or maybe a modern apprenticeship? I'm assuming you are supporting him financially ?

Ask for an EHCP review. It’s valid till he’s 25, and there are things like internships that may help him.
Also he needs to sign on so that a) he has a little income (are you paying for everything?) and b) he has support in his job search.
The Restart program is good - it’s helped two young people I know get into work.
Good luck, it’s very challenging but good for him for trying.

I agree voluntary work. Charity shops tend to need people, find a larger one and he could maybe be behind the scenes sorting rather than out front if that is an issue.
One of our local ones takes people on for shifts only lasting 1 hour if need be.

My DD, recovering from MH issues had an empty CV wrt work experience. This year she has done unpaid work experience in her chosen field and is now getting offered paid shifts.

Our council works with a charity to support adults of any age who have disabilities (including mental health) into work

Might be worth asking if there's anything like that near you? They do wonderful work - they help with preparation for interviews, they speak with employers to find suitable roles etc

You could insist he claims benefits by not giving him any money and/or charging him for food and bills. It's not acceptable that he expects you to support him when he's an adult. Or use it as bargaining that he either applies for voluntary work or claims benefits. A lot of the other support that's available to help find work won't be accessible to him if he's not claiming benefits.

I work for a local authority doing adult learning for inclusion as well as functional skills

We work with other agencies, usually local authority or disability employment advisor as with DWP

We bring people aged over 20 with social inclusion needs mental health as well as physical needs into classrooms which are usually for non-academic lessons, such as art for mindfulness or cooking for skills and inclusion needs

We find people will do one or two of these a week for a couple of months to gain confidence with people, and then are better able to move on into voluntary work or supported into academic classes, and maybe apprenticeships or supported internships

Check your local authority website for adult skills and learning and agencies which support social isolated people. They may be able to help him while he is currently motivated to do these things but needs a little bit of support get him to the right places with help behind him.

Good luck to you both

First of all, massive well done to your son for going to that interview. Interviews are stressful for everyone, but especially so for a young person with mental health problems and/or disabilities.

If you think it would be received well by your son, maybe you could have a little celebration by doing one of his favourite activities? I understand for some young people that might not be received well, especially as he will be dissapointed not to have received the job. However, I think it’s absolutely right that you are treating this as a real positive, and it is something that should be encouraged.

In terms of building up his CV a bit, I would highly recommend finding a local group for adults with additional needs. My middle child has Down syndrome and every weekend she goes down to a local community farm. They have support workers for adults with additional needs, but they are still very much a valued and respected member of the team. She has learnt a lot of new skills, does lots of exercise, and has made some lovely friends. She is really proud of her achievements there and it has been a big confidence booster.

Again, this may or may not be appropriate depending on your child and your own financial status but it is something you could consider. My daughter is not able to work in a traditional sense as her learning and physical disabilities are significant. I get financial support to care for her, but I try to encourage as much independence and dignity for her as possible. I pay her a wage for both the chores she does around the house and her volunteer work.

She has a bank account with a card that I help her to manage, and it’s a really big self esteem boost to be able to go out with her friends to a restaurant, buy her own clothes and just do the other things that any young adult would. She did some a life skills course at a local college, and I also went out with her and helped her to think about managing her money, as well as practising ordering in a restaurant and buying things in a shop.

I appreciate your son’s needs may be very different than my DD, but wanted to give you some tips that I have found helpful. No matter what, I wish you all the best and know how difficult it can be when trying to support our DC to live their best lives. 🫂

The EHCP should have been reviewed at least annually. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use to chase a (very late) annual review.

Do look into being appointee for DS and claiming benefits on his behalf.

Most councils offer some kind of employment support programme, referrals are normally through the job centre but can be self referrals. I'm not sure if they are run nationally but there are short courses called sector route ways in which people can get qualifications like a CSCS card, a food hygiene certificate and a work placement. It's also a fairly gentle introduction to doing something outside the home, rather than trying to get straight into full time employment.

Thank you again, there are some excellent suggestions here, With respect to claiming benefits, I have tried both the carrot and the stick approach and neither have worked. What is more likely to work is his realisation that there are some schemes that will help him in a sensitive way, so I think I will make some more enquiries. He does have a social worker with whom I have been in contact recently.

Although the LA has neglected its duties to review my son's EHCP after he 'left' school, I wonder what, at this stage, they could offer that my son could not secure for himself. My eldest son also had an EHCP which secured him one to one support throughout his school career (he stopped attending school at 14 through MH issues), and which helped him secure a place at a specialist school, that, unfortunately, he was too mentally unstable to attend. Once he entered residential care at 18, his EHCP was overtaken by a care plan. So, I know EHCPs can be essential in education and training, but outside those contexts, I am not too sure LAs know what to do.

I think from my own point of view, I just feel a little out of my depth. I want to support my son in his search for work, and I am immensely proud that he has decided to be proactive about his future. However, I know job hunting can be a demoralising experience, and working full time would require a seismic change to a routine that he has micromanaged for years.

One plan that we have talked about it pizza delivery for a local company. It would be gig work, but that would give him more control over his time/stress levels, and would provide some money and work experience. He also has an intense interest in history, and I know a course that he could try, online that is a taster for a more involved university course (all open access). He would have a personal tutor and gain study skills. I am pretty sure DLA could be secured for this. I have mentioned the course to him in the past, and he does seem interested. Perhaps part time work and part time study is a package we can build.

I am rambling, but I know my son is very affected by his neurodiversity (as yet undiagnosed) and mental health issues, however, he is not as severely affected as his brother or father. My eldest son has support around him, and it is very obvious he needs it. He undertakes a little voluntary work and may, in time secure supported employment. I believe my youngest can, with a little support, navigate the world on his own terms, but to do so, he needs to leave the very safe and controlled existence that we (he and I) have created to keep him stable for so many years.

Although the LA has neglected its duties to review my son's EHCP after he 'left' school, I wonder what, at this stage, they could offer that my son could not secure for himself.

An EHCP can provide far more support than DS would otherwise receive. The scope of education is wider than you are thinking. Including support in an internship/apprenticeship/work experience, it can go as far as working towards setting up a business if that is what is required, but also PfA, mentoring, therapies, resources/equipment/memberships, driving lessons… For PfA, think about the things on this list and look at this and this resource. EHCPs can last until 25, or 26 in some circumstances, so it is still worth pursuing support via an EHCP.

Support on HE courses is via DSA, not DLA. Whilst it is an easier process than securing a good EHCP, it can’t provide the level of support a good EHCP can.

With respect to claiming benefits, I have tried both the carrot and the stick approach and neither have worked.

You don’t need anything to work. You can become DS’s appointee and claim on his behalf.