Thread 51 - Covid GCSE Cohort - Summer 24 - End of Uni Yr 2

[Oblomov24]

2024 Summer, end of year 2 for those at Uni.

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and advice to be had.

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@Cantonet I agree with all of that. DS is executive function impaired and we've had to support him a lot around that and it was very clear (not so much now) when he was 13, that he was not as developed mentally as his peers. What I questioning was the 10yrs behind in brain development where a 28yr old is more like a 10yr old. I feel 10yrs behind is a huge delay that goes beyond just adhd.

@Shimy I don't think it works like that.
I'm trying to find the original article but it's from a year or so ago.
Certainly I agree with @Crazycrofter is that in some ways my boys are more mature & in other ways less mature.
They're definitely not 10 years behind either. But they do have bits missing.
It's obvious my dh has severe ADHD. He was useless at school & got his act together in his 20's. But he's been very successful & is still working at 70. But in terms of managing the rest of his life & his family he's not good. But his hyper focus means that his work really benefits.

'Bits missing' I think captures it really well. Those 'bits' (general behaviour & comprehension) were quite pronounced when DS was in primary but seem to have narrowed to the point of it not being noticeable now. However, the organisation & planning & his understanding of 'time' is still quite challenging for both him and me (i have to step in). He also procrastinates a lot, although I do as well and I don't have adhd. Maybe if I saw the article about the 10yr gap it will make more sense.

Dd seems to be really struggling (and is still waiting for an ADHD diagnosis). All her assurances after Christmas about working much harder for these exams as she'd have more time... have come to nothing. She had to do an all nighter on Thursday and yesterday she was telling me her heart was racing and she felt really anxious and sick. I think it's probably the Monster drinks 🙄 She slept til 3pm today, despite planning to wake up early to work. I just think a combination of ADHD and the wrong course is too much for her. Part of me hopes her results make the decision for her, but I suspect it will be borderline and she'll be convinced she can bump it up to a 2:1 next year. But I can't see how next year is going to be any easier for her? She'd be fine doing a healthcare course, she'd love the placements, there'd be no exams, and it would be much more structured.

Ds has the hyper focus @cantonet and unlike dd, he can turn it on when exams loom, even if he's not massively interested in the content. I think he'll do well in work as he's really ambitious, but I'm trying really hard to focus on the other areas of life.. A friend has a husband like yours - very high earning, but totally disorganised and unreliable in the rest of his life. I don't want ds to make other people's lives difficult!

@crazycrofter That sounds quite hard for your poor DD and for her heart to be racing she must be under immense pressure. DS is exactly like this, he knows he's supposed to do certain bits of work but just can't summon himself to do it. Then closer to the time he does these night benders like your DD. He too always promises to wake up early but it never happens. What helps him though is when he is at uni rather than at home he has a behaviour change. As for the Monster drinks...DS started drinking Red bull that awful drink full of poison. I'm guessing this Monster drink is similar in content?. They're awful drinks. I've sat DS down and explained to him how bad they are and he just rubbished it all and said I'm scare mongering.

Is getting a an adhd assessment privately an option? i think the NHS has died a slow & final death and it's gone unnoticed by the powers that be. I am still awaiting a second injection to my shoulder which should've been given 4 weeks after the 1st one back in Oct 2022!! DS (according to the NHS) is awaiting surgery for hernia since 2020 (also done privately since late 2020). I'd wager a guess waiting lists for ADHD assessments are longer than the the M1.

It's too much caffeine that will be causing your dd's heart to race. Monster drinks have loads of caffeine in them.
DS 2 was addicted to those 'gaming ' powders too at one stage. Luckily he seems to have gone off them. Caffeine has been shown to reduce ADHD symptoms & improve focus but the danger is too much is detrimental.
The promising to get up early sounds all too familiar. In fact getting up on time is a major problem.

We’ve talked about Monsters a lot - and she did give them up a while back but she can’t seem to meet deadlines without them 😩 I’m sure that’s why she had those symptoms - she said it can’t be because she only had one and a half more cans than usual, but that’s quite a lot!

We might have to go private @Shimy . My only concern is I’ve heard NHS don’t always accept private diagnoses which can leave you paying for private prescriptions indefinitely.

Getting up in the morning has been a major problem for ds @Cantonet whereas dd sleeps badly but can usually get up and power on through (with energy drinks I guess!).

Ds has been battling bad sleep since around Oct but recently a combination of sleep mask, black out blinds and ear plugs seems to have fixed his problems! He’s also being very disciplined and getting to bed at a decent time.

Coming in half way through, crazy but your DD sounds very much like mine.
Lots of good intentions to get up early, organize herself and crack on....but never quite comes to fruition.
DD uses coffee to medicate, in addition to ADHD meds. However, her heart has started racing at odd times too, and she has had a few "funny turns" where everything goes black and she thinks she's going to faint, so her consultant has told her to stop meds and get an ECG done.
Any caffeine drinks like Monster and Red Bull are going to send the heart rate crazy, so your DD really needs to find an alternative way to be able to cope.

Have you thought about using ADHD 360 for diagnosis? As I understand it, the NHS will agree to shared care with them.

https://www.adhd-360.com/

Thanks @Alwaysplayspicc , she’s actually already gone down the sane route as @EasilyDefined ’s dd ie with Psychiatry UK under right to choose. We just don’t know how long the wait will be.

Let's pray it's sooner rather than later crazy.
Ds1 fears he (and all his course friends) have failed paper 2, paper 3 a week today. Dh and I both talked to him, told him to avoid exhaustion to take a break this weekend, start Monday.

Thanks @Oblomov24 . I hope ds has done better than he thinks - are these actual ICAEW papers? If so, they were always very hard, with low pass boundaries. A good idea to take a break.

Sometimes I think this thread is a total God-send! not just for the wealth of knowledge re: academics/uni but health/mental health as well. It's like a a mini MN within MN. Our own private village!
@crazycrofter It looks like ADHD 360 could be an option at least so she can either move on or start medication. Maybe your area will agree to shared care.

@EasilyDefined Re: Autism, DS (ADHD & TS) also has autistic traits and school was adamant he is autistic. He was referred and had the ADOS done and he came out as NOT autistic at all just a bit behind developmentally (sharp as a button now!) it's just that there is a strong overlap in a lot of these neurological disorders. Not saying your DD is not, just that it could also be part of her ADHD traits.

Yes @shimy @EasilyDefined ds has always been convinced he's autistic, but he didn't come out as such on the screening test. I think it's because a lot of ADHD traits overlap with autistic ones.

Regarding private ADHD tests we went privately to the clinic responsible for the local area ADHD testing. We knew that most GPS would accept a shared care agreement from there. We were lucky because recently they've expanded their NHS clinics & stopped taking on any new private patients. In fact this clinic & the psychiatrist who owns it was responsible for treating dd2's depression & diagnosed his ADHD, that was causing the depression. A complete shock to us all. From then on ds1 was diagnosed & then dd2. Dd1 doesn't have it - thank god!

A lot of people think ADHD just means badly behaved but it's not and can be quite hard to explain unless you have a dc or loved who has it. With DS it wasn't just the impulsive behaviour but not understanding simple things that his peers understood e.g teacher to class, 'Hand in your homework now!'. DS (aged 9) sits with his homework in hand because he doesn't realise that the instruction included him, he thinks unless his name is at the end of the sentence then its other people they are talking to. Many other oddities like that, not getting inference etc but he's caught up with everyone else now. @crazycrofter Wishing you luck with getting DD seen sooner rather than later.

@Oblomov24 Good luck to your DS. DS is currently sitting his first exam as I type. These things usually turn out better than expected, we can be a little bit over critical of our own performance sometimes and these are exactly the sort of personalities that go on to ace it.

DS finished exams which were 'fine'....hopefully that is a good thing!

@Oblomov24 I hope the next paper goes better. It does sound as though that second paper was very tricky if they all your ds & his friends thought they had failed it.

DS has finished his now too. He sounds shattered and like he doesn't believe he has done very well.

Oh dear @JustHereWithMyPopcorn.
Could he have done better than he thought?
Ds1 had his physiology exam yesterday. He said it went fine & biochem is on Friday. Apparently that will be a lot harder, but he told me he's confident he will pass. I wish I could be quite as assured 😉

Probably not @Cantonet , I think he still doesn't really know what they want in terms of answering these exam papers. Whenever he's tried to get feedback they fob him of and won't give any help/advice other than to look at the lecture notes (which he obviously has already). There is no 1-1 tutorials at all.

Glad your DS is doing well, he sounds like he knows what he's doing. Doesn't stop us worrying though!!

That sounds awful & unfair @JustHereWithMyPopcorn. Does he not have a tutor? Can he complain to the university/ head of department?
Does he have any learning support?

Unfortunately I'm not always convinced by ds's assurances. He's probably pretty bright, but with dyslexia & ADHD towards the severe end, his perception can often be a bit skewed.

Oh dear @JustHereWithMyPopcorn dd said the same after her first exam. From this thread, I’ve decided I would never recommend either Psychology or Law at Nottingham- too many /too difficult exams and no support at all! I assume some subjects are better or surely their reputation would be rubbish? Someone on WIWIKAU messaged me negative feedback about Psych there when dd was applying (and the student satisfaction feedback is rubbish too) but dd ignored it 😩