empty nest grief

[longpathtohappiness]

Oh my the pain is real, my heart is breaking

It's not an empty nest then. And what do you want them to do? Not live their lives and stay at home all day with you?

cavernclub I know, pathetic right. Of course I want them to launch but it is already beginning to hurt.

I am so sorry for you♥️

Thank you so very much for writing this, I am in the middle of this. I have one son and we have a very strong relationship. I can function without him, but I miss him so much. Crying a lot that my role as a mum has changed indeed. But also I think it is normal to grieve. It is an awful feeling and I have to go through this I know, it really helped that you wrote it will be better. Because when you are in the middle of this it feels like it doesn’t get better. It is for four months now and I know with me it is going to last longer, I always have been a sensitive person :(. But like you I don’t show it to my son how much I miss him of course. A lot of people here say “find help”, as if it is a depression. But I still can function normally and do the things I used to do. But it feels so empty😢 after 21 years. Thank you so much to give hope that it will be better♥️

Im only a few weeks in a feeling exactly the same.

I hear you OP.
It's a real, physical ache.
Try and stay busy.
Thinking of you.

Good grief op. Get a hobby. Several in fact. Now is your time.

I was already thinking this was a little intense as a feeling op then I read that they haven’t even left home, just out and about more!

I really think you need to get a plan in place for when they do go.

You should enjoy this time NOW op, they are still there. Why waste this time with feeling so down.

You will cope with this. Don't waste the time you have now in feeling grief. This is not anticipatory grief in that they are dying - start to find new things to do and occupy yourself with. You have the time to enjoy your children and find new paths Don't make them feel responsible for your happiness.

My husband died unexpectedly when he was 56 - I am now encouraging my DD to leave home and study. Will i miss her, madly - but she deserves a life of her own, and I make sure that she thinks/knows that I am okay and happy on my own (even if there are times when I am miserable, but that is not her problem)

You will cope
It gets easier

This actually sounds a little unhealthy. Grief at an empty nest is normal and needs space to be processed but, OP, this sounds as if it’s more than that? If your children haven’t even left yet and you feel like this, my guess would be that something else is being triggered.
You need to get a handle on this and try and work out what’s going on. And balance allowing yourself time to process and feel what you need to with filling your life with things for you. You need your own life. You can’t live it through and for your children. It’s not good for you and it’s definitely not good for your children. And as a Pp said, do not let your children know the extent of your feelings.

Do you work OP, have a partner, friends, hobbies? Now's the time to find new things to fill your time.

This is a bit of an overreaction, particularly as the children haven't left home yet. Are you trying to guilt trip them into staying? Sobbing and grief-stricken over an event that hasn't yet happened?
You need to do more for yourself, get out and about more, rekindle old friendships, make new ones, start a hobby, join a reading group.
Don't expect your children to provide your ongoing happiness and joy in life.

ETA: I appreciate this was written in July and presumably the children have now left home for uni?

I’ve been on the other side of this. I am an only child and my parents are divorced. My mum has suffered with untreated depression and a lack of identity outside of being my mum pretty much my whole life. I have tried everything I can possibly think of to try and help her. Nothing is ever enough and I find it incredibly hard to deal with her. I now have children of my own and I wouldn’t dream of putting them through this. Please think about how your unhealthy emotions are affecting and will continue affecting your children it’s incredibly unfair. Speak to your GP, reach out to old friends, join in with a hobby or community group, get a job or volunteer if you don’t already. Please don’t do this to your children.