Advice from parents! TW: assault

[AmberPombear]

I'm coming on here to ask for advice as an adult daughter. A few years ago as a teenager I was sexually assaulted and although I was able to speak to a friend about it I never opened up to my parents as I was worried I would upset them. Fast forward to today, I am at uni and really struggling. My exams start soon and I haven't been able to work, I've been really upset and panicky most of the time. I don't know why it's suddenly caught up with me at full force but I believe I never properly processed it and now stress is forcing me to. I have sought help from uni services but I want to tell my mum because I just feel like I can't keep it a secret anymore - we are close and it's on my mind 24/7. However I just can't get it out. I've been trying to phone her but I keep cancelling last minute, I am so scared. Would it be awful of me to send her a text to tell her? If we were living in the same house I might leave her a letter, but I don't want to post one as there is a chance my dad/brothers would open it. Thank you so much, any advice and insight as a parent would really help.
(please no advice on reporting and police, thank you)

I'm afraid this is something you need to do in person, if there's any way you can. A letter, phonecall, text or ay other form of communication is not going to cut it.

In person is not possible unless I wait for months, which I don't think I can do without fully breaking down. We are living miles and miles away.

Although I would find it very hard to read that in a text, I would want you to tell me in the way that you feel you can. So if the only way you can communicate it is through text then I think you should do that. I am sure your mum will then want to speak to you so be prepared for that.
I am so sorry for what has happened and that you are struggling 💐

Don't send a text, at least speak to her, what about WhatsApp

I have a daughter similar age to you. If texting was the only way she could open up about it, as a precursor to talking, whilst it would be a shock I would ultimately be pleased that she’d found a way to open up about it.
Of course face to face would be better, but this is about you and how you’re able to approach it.

I'm so sorry this happened to you, and I hope talking it through with your mum is helpful 💐💐

So sorry to hear this happened to you.

Could you write it out in a letter and then photograph the letter and send that via text? And if you wanted to not talk about it ask her to wait and respond back in a letter that way too?

If you were my daughter I'd want you to tell me in whatever way you feel most comfortable with.
If text is how you feel you can do it then that's what you do.

I would want my child to tell me in whatever way they could.

If you were my daughter I wouldn't care about the method you started the conversation about this. I would be devastated and angry ( with the unknown person who did this to you) and proud that you have started to open up so I can start to help you.

Sending you a huge hug OP 💐 you have been through a very traumatic experience and tho you have tried to move on you simply can’t bury something as big a this and forget it ever happened.
Please, please, please tell your mum. Maybe text her first and arrange a time to call her or send her a text telling her that you are going to send her an important email. Whatever you do she will want to speak to you and be there for you. I know if you were my daughter I’d be jumping in my car to be with you.
Im not sure if you are ready to do this yet but you should report this to the police. Maybe you could go with your mum.
Please contact student services at your uni - they should be able to arrange for you to have counselling. You have been so brave so far please reach out and get help

Can you text your Mum and ask her to call you? That might be slightly easier for you.
I do agree, student services can be great at supporting and can liaise with your tutors if needed.

I'd want my daughter to tell me in whatever way felt most comfortable for her. But then I'd move heaven and earth to get to her, give her the biggest hug and tell her I had her back. So be prepared for that.
Sending you my biggest hugs you brave, brave girl

Thank you everyone for your help

@AmberPombear wishing you all the very best. I think you will feel so much better once you have told your mum. As parents, we are here to share and shoulder your pain.

I have been in this situation with my Mum. I did it in person as it was a different time then and it was not easy to start talking about. I just said mum I need to talk to you about something that happened to me. I then went quiet but she just knew and was there for me. I didn't need to go into the detail of what happened nor did I feel able to or want to share that with her she just hugged me and was there for me.

I think maybe you should text or WhatsApp her and ask her to call you because you need to talk to her. Once you hear her voice you will likely be able to start opening up. Even if you are emotional and unable to hold it in and speak at that point, she is your Mum and will know something is wrong even if she doesn't know what it is. If you were my child and I phoned you and you were too upset to talk I would come to you whatever it took and be there for you.