How much financial help do you give your 20+ year olds?

[Tumbleweed101]

I still have a 23yo at home, plus a 18yo and 14yo. I am a single parent on a fairly low wage.

I get £300 from the 23yo a month (take home pay higher than mine) but younger two in education so get some UC contribution.to help.

I'm feeling bad that as a family we have no assets to help them get on in life. I'm in a council house so nothing to offer them in the future. They literally have to do it all from scratch. Feel guilty when their friends are being given money fr various sources.

Just feeling sad they may be stuck living with me forever because renting and deposits are so high.

Not sure how some wealthy MNer on here coming along, saying they are paying for X, Y, and Z for their child, and will be giving them a deposit for their first flat, and that they bought them their first car, is going to help you though ?

We all do our best for our dc with the circumstances we are living in.
You can compare your life against people you perceive to be better off than you, and feel poor, or you can compare yourself with people a lot poorer than you and feel rich.
Or, you can appreciate what you have, and encourage your dc to strive to be the best they can be.

You are providing a loving home for your young adult, and saving them money by only taking a small amount of housekeeping from them so they don't have to pay a commercial rent. That's a lot more than many young people get

It’s irrelevant how much anyone else can help their children you have your own circumstances. Is their Dad one who doesn’t ever help financially or emotionally types at all? Just remember you have done it all alone so be proud of yourself.

If you are teaching them how to be careful with their money and spend wisely they will hopefully manage better than the kids of many other parents, rich or poor.
DH and I have had well paying jobs and have helped our children financially, but we would not have done so if we thought they didn't know how to be thrifty and think ahead. No matter how much money you have you can end up on the streets, especially if you think there is always someone there to bail you out. You are doing your best, be proud.

"No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another"
https://www.penguin.co.uk/articles/2019/07/10-best-charles-dickens-quotes

No one gave me money or paid for driving lessons and I wasn't close to my family but I suffered a bereavement. My son died of Sid's. My husband was violent and so I was on my own with my 2 remaining young children. My job was shifts and Monday - Friday not an option. I nearly lost my job and ended up unemployed. My mum (who hadn't helped me at all up until that point and barely knew my children) did all the school runs for me for the next few years and my children slept and her house and I did too. Because of that I kept my job and my career and I've been promoted twice and earn good money. So she has helped me massively financially but not actually given me a penny. So be there for them in the bad times as that is priceless.

Not sure if that made sense. I didn't live at my mums house but slept there when I worked late shifts as did my children.

I planned so that I could cope financially until the end of university. As the financial climate is much worst now. I advised my children to get part time jobs at 16. If things are still too tight with money. I would help a bit with may be rent for a while but I am thinking giving a maximum of £10.000 in total.

You can only give the help you can give.

Focus on what you can do. You can be a reliable sounding board for your adult children, you can support their choices, you can give them confidence.

Parents can give their children more important things than money.

You are giving a cheap place to live, so am I. That is worth gold

We have 2 graduating soon and it has always been our plan which they know about to no longer support them financially . They are welcome to come home and they will always have a place to live and be fed ! And that’s because we can manage it . Both have said when and if they come home they will pay rent .

i had great parents who could afford to support me in my 20’s but I never took a penny , I managed to work and support myself and lived in some dodgy places while I was working up the ladder ! I appreciated my gains as they were mine ! My parent were however emotionally very supportive and my dad still buys my dinner when we go out !!

I dont think that the cost of living for this generation is comparable to what we had though.

We had it much much easier - there were cheap rooms and cheap mortgages available, way beyond the wildest dreams of our children

Yes we had it miles easier than our kids are having it. No point trying to compare your 20s to theirs.

We help our kids as much as we can.

Tbh thats more than I got!

I graduated with £50k of debt in 2008, inc a legal loan costing £450pcm. Training contract cancelled.

Rented a grotty room on a credit card. Worked 2 jobs for 18m. Saved up £16k approx between me and boyfriend (also age 22, 1y younger than me). Put 5% deposit down on £217k flat. He worked 2 jobs too eg both pub every ngt anf weekend. Ye was knackering

Bought and sold many houses since.
We'ee now both 39 and main house worth £1.2m, £400k mortgage left. Own 3 other houses. I earn £140k he earns £155k. We have 3 kids.

Seriously your kid is lucky! there's always cheap accommodafion about. get some other income streams and meet someone else harz working and boom set up your life.